Please Come Home

Sometimes, as I lay in bed waiting, I think. I'm not afraid to write this because no one will read it and bother to comment. I blog hoping someone will read it and care; but bloggers don't get that a lot because everything here is really an inside view on circumstances. The path that I stand in is not easy. I could simply not care and keep waiting. That's what we all do in general. We wait. We can wait a whole lifetime but things will keep changing. People change, ideas change, situations change, and feelings change. When it seems like the wait is over, something new will arise.

I wait.

• I wait every night gripping to my last piece of hope. That's the one thing I haven't lost.

I don't lose hope because I care. I care because there is hope. I think about a hundred ways things could be different. How in a way I am happy but could be happier. How going far away and starting over could be ideal.

• I hate idealistic people simply because they are part of a world consisting of unreal things.

I really wish we could see things differently. Be more lenient not so focused. There are things that by nature are more important. Things and people and situations that matter far more than others. Sad to think though that not all are easily granted. I want to think its for the best. I want to accept is as a protection. I want to see it as fear of losing. I want to believe it is an avoidance for criticism. But these things I don't care for, I despise them as much as I can possibly bear in my wits.

I don't think I'm meant to be governed by individuals who don't share my insight look on reality. Their minds are solely based on criticism and a lifestyle not lived. It is a lot harder because I know that being me is something I plainly don't wish anyone to be. It's dramatic. Dramatic hurts. The different angles you see are just reflections of bad decisions which I know I won't take. I'm not a child for sure. I'm independent.

Period.

Think of me as a bunch of just talk no action and you will find yourself in a big dilemma. Say what you want I know who I am. Sad to say that there is always someone worse than us. I could be dying or even worse, I could be in the world. Well I was already in the world. I know the lifestyle, the customs and beliefs. I see it everyday. I live in it and I know I'm not that bad but until the forty one million two hundred ninety nine thousand two hundred seconds of waiting are over, I promise to not rest in peace. I'll just wait. Hope and believe that it will come and when it does, I'll be free and happy forever.