I think this summer has not been the best one. I still look back at the summer of '07 and smile. There was this feeling in the air that was almost palpable and with every day that went by, it became more beautiful. That summer a lot of things happened and some things I cannot seem to forget, specially some of the people that I met. I think it was in that summer that the most meaningful people entered into my heart.
By that time I also experienced great pain. To have someone so close and to lose them in a second was perhaps the worst thing any human can go through. I don't think I will ever have a summer like '07. Ever since then I think life has become a roller coaster; ups and downs but no returns. This also reminds me of a blog I wrote a little while ago about photographs and how they are frozen seconds in time. I started to think how in a few years I will not look like I do now. I thought about how some of the things, things that happened for the first time, will not ever give me that same feeling. Its like all of a sudden I felt time slap me in the face. All that time that has gone by!! Those 17 years of my life that I have not felt the change because I was the change.
I don't like to talk about summer of '08 because of how terrible it was and well...summer of '09 was a huge breakthrough of my life but still not so interesting.
I get this feeling like when you dry swallow a big pill. To think that all this time has gone by and I am not the same person physically or emotionally. How horrible it feels to only look back at our memories and as we close our eyes try to remember and feel what it was like to be there in that state of person. I will never look like I do now. I also don't think I will think the same. But inside of me I feel the same; which is the odd thing because I know for a fact that I'm not.
Like I said, this summer has been absolutely worthless. Nothing happened that was worth mentioning. Yeah I went to summer school to get ahead on credits. Yeah I tried (and actually still am at the moment) to finish up my french review workbook. And what is worse is that all the things that I had planned to do I didn't do. Like for example, we planned to go on vacation and nothing. Not even Galveston. I personally planned to read a lot this summer and I only read one book. Its felt like the longest summer. Not the most boring but that is thanks to a few people but definitely the most time-wasted.
I don't have the concentration-span. And I also don't have the resources. I have lately become more independent and if I can't do it by myself then I don't do it at all. I don't like to depend on people and I don't like people to depend on me. Yeah every now and then its ok but all the time...no. I don't think so. And that is the case of this summer. There was plenty of time but no will. Because that is the truth. I sit here and wait for something incredible to happen. Yeah well the only incredible thing that happened was that I cut my hair and even that I feel horrible about.
Sigh...and in the end...well we can't have it all.
