Testosterone and Male Periods

It's true. I'm not even kidding. Every time I hear it, I realize how true it is even though I've never taken the time to research it. Males have periods too. Let me tell you about my weekend. So these friends invited us to go with them to a little town in near Austin so that we could give encouragement to the local congregation who was affected by the wildfires. To be honest it could have been more relaxing had we not spent so much time driving. When we first got invited I was really exited, I mean I've always wanted to preach in goat/cow territory. We have some territory like that but its not as rural. Well when we got permission it was all great and dandy until I realized that I was going to go out of town without my parents for the first time.

I couldn't tell you if it hut or not when my real umbilical chord was cut, but this time to know that I would be so far away from my mom made my stomach queezy. Not kidding. This was the first time that I slept away form my parents, my mom, and in another city! I won't lie...when I said goodbye I literally almost cried.

Now and again I think about changing my name. My mom likes to over use it....soooo I won't tell her when I change it only because then she will wear out that one too. Like right now, I'm trying to write this but then she keeps telling me to do stuff and I'm like oh my gosh.

Today I have a party to go to. I decided that I'm going to give everyone a second chance to prove me wrong. I want to be proven that inside of everyone there is some goodness and that people are capable of being genuinely good. About four years ago my sister and I wanted to throw this party. Back then we were not aware of the fact that there was a difference between a gathering, a hang out, and a party. To us, it was all the same. I remember getting all exited and inviting all these new friends I had made... oh yeah, I remember, it was after Ike hit and we had been working in the relief committee. Well, after that time, I wanted to have a get together. But then, my mom who was also exited about all these new people decided that she wanted to have to have music to dance....that all went wrong.

First mistake was that I had never been to a house party so we had no idea how the atmosphere was suppposed to roll.

Second mistake was that I let my mom controll the whole thing.

Third mistake was that I didn't invite enough people.

Fourth mistake was that I made too much food.

Fifth mistake was that I had planned for things to go one way but it all didn't happen because no one really showed up and then some people were late.

Sixth mistake was that I actually thought that we were going to dance....

Man, do I regret having lived that day. Ever since that day I do not let my mom organize my events. I also invite a lot of people or none at all. Tomorrow I shall try this again. Except this time I will actually invite a lot of people, in fact, everyone! I don't ever want to go through that kind of humiliation. Even if it doesn't all go the way I want it to go I don't care. At least I will know that I tried.

Here's my next new reflexion: Having all the money in the world blinds appreciation and effort. I don't know what its like to be rich, I've been very close to knowing it and as a third party observer, I don't want that to be my life. I LOVE my job, I love working and living out of my hard work. All my life I've seen all kinds of people work their butts to get just the simplest things in life, and that as a result is plain satisfaction. When I pay school out of pocket without the government adding money to my pocket it makes me feel proud and study harder. One time I was told I would never be able to pay school on my own and I would eventually not finish and I would have to no matter what get grants. When I heard that, I believed it. Now I think its the biggest piece of booty that I've heard. I can do anything I want in any way I manage. Really I'm unstoppable and no man on this earth will get in my way.

Dreams and Reality

I'm out of school so I decided to blog about two dreams that I had last night. The first one I can understand because I was watching The Mentalist last night and it was about a firefighter who was murdered. He was supposed to be a super hero guy and it turned out that the guy he saved from a fire was the one that killed him. So the first part of my dream was a little like that...well something was on fire. I was living in some time of medieval castles or something was the castle, or more like a really big house made of stone, was in the middle of a prairie. My family and I were hiding and then out of nowhere I was getting butter from something outside and I saw smoke, and then everything got really scary because some people that didn't like us were putting fire all around the big stone house, and I freaked out but my dad put out the fire with a tiny sprinkle of water. But I was really scared. Like crying and screaming.

When I was little and living in my little Mexico, my neighborhood was on fire. I don't remember anything except that I woke up at some time in the middle of the night and the first thing I saw was a painting, so I freaked out because I knew I wasn't home. I called out for my mom and got no response and soon the lights came on. I was definitely not home. My mom appeared and I realized we were in the living room of some house with a bunch of other kids. The owner of the house gave us white bread "para el susto" (up till now I still don't understand why...). Then my mom explained to me that everything was ok and I should go back to sleep. The next day I found out what really happened.

Apparently one of the boxes that are on top of the light posts exploded. It was a very big bang according to my parents who were about to go to bed when they heard it. They tried to get us out of the house but the "saguan" or gate was too hot and my dad couldn't open it. Technically we were stuck and could have died, but the way my house was built in Mexico was two houses in L shape put together but not joined on the inside, so our neighbors had opened a door that was attached to the gate and we were able to get out. My mom says that the neighbor mom was freaking out and one of her babies nearly died. They had to throw the baby out the window to save it or something like that...Well, I'm glad that all throughout all that commotion, I was asleep, and so was my sister, well she managed to wake up a little and peek out the blanket she was wrapped in. I don't think she remembers anything but red all over. My dad says that a man burned his hand because a car was going backwards and it was on fire and he tried to stop it with his hand...I think he's an idiot but in cases like that, panic overtakes your actions and its hard to say who's acting out of idiocy and who is acting out of fear.

My second dream must have been tied to my first because I still remember the stone house in some faint way. I needed to get married, I don't know why, but I did. So I was with a very good friend of mine, my best friend (I think) and my sister. We were looking through a yearbook of some kind and I remember asking about all the boys there. But you see, they were high school boys, not boys my age. So then I apparently picked one, I don't know why but I did, I guess I thought I would have time to meet him or fall in love with him, but I was so busy planning the wedding and I forgot who I was going to marry. So the day of the wedding my friend was doing my hair and we started to talk about the guy and I couldn't remember who I picked or why I picked him and no one wanted to tell me, so I began to freak out in a way I have never freaked out before in real life. I literally cried for hours with my mom and she was trying to get this fear out of me but then she said, this is the guy you're going to marry because you picked him, and then I asked if I was allowed to change my mind because I was really scared and not ready to get married to a stranger that I couldn't even remember why I picked him. She said I didn't have to do it so a few hours before the wedding, it got canceled. Then I cried and cried with my mom. Then I tried asking people why I was going to get married and no one would tell me! Then I got tired of the mystery so I woke up.

I don't know why I dreamed this but I'm very stressed out. Like I don't know why but I feel out of breath and I want so badly to know why I needed to get married. What I think about this dream is that I'm scared of getting married to someone that I think I'm in love with and then turns out that I'm not. I don't know...marriage is a big deal, one that you can't get out of so easily. Its a lifetime thing. Like...who in the world am I going to give my life to??? What kind of stranger will I share a life with??? I think that I'm very happy right now being single and enjoying all the freedom that goes with it, but one day I would like to meet someone and be so in love that I won't have a doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with. By the rest of my life, I literally mean forever, a time that is a very long time...its like forever!! So who will I tie the knot with that I will want to be with FOREVER!!! Forever is a long time...

Nameless

I've been wanting to write about a lot of things. Because a lot of things have been going through my mind. I don't write the way that I used to, its not the same joy. Most of the time I have the tendency to just think. Everyday something happens that makes me be thankful of all the decisions I've taken, the people that are and aren't in my life, and the beliefs I have. I've changed for the better. To be honest, I think I really like the way that I am, not looking back at my past has helped me live in the present and look forward to the future. Its like all of a sudden, everything that I want, I don't just want it for no reason, I want it badly and for the most incredible reasons. I don't want that part of me to change because it makes sense. I like things that make sense, and lacking a personality, letting other people control our lives, and being part of the crowd does not make sense.

I lack patience though. That is a problem. But I don't mind it. I'm bored with what I have now at this moment, like as if I was looking for something or someone. There's a hollow feeling in me that I cannot explain but I ignore it most of the time. What doesn't make sense now, will make sense later.

I know when I meet the right person, it will be because they have looked for me as much as I have looked for them.

Random Nonsense

kimbara kimbara kimbara kim ba kim bon bon
kimbara kimbara kimbara kim ba kim bon bon
kimbara kimbara kimbara kim ba kim bon bon
ehhhhhhhh mamaaaaaa
ehhhhhhhh mamaaaaaa

ANYWAYS

Today marks the day that I will tell you a secret. Not really...
My special little someone gave me a cutie patootie ring

^-^ hehe

I'm so happy. Here's a secret: I hate rings!!!

But because we are talking about someone that I love soooooooo much, I've promised to wear it.
I said I wouldn't blog about it. BUT I didn't promise. Laugh out loud. I got an angry birds hat and I loooove it. You know something reader? This is the shortest blog I've ever written, because I'm happy that I'm happy.

The New Me Still Likes PINK

Oh its been so long since my last blog. But I tell you this reader, I feel so different now. Let me give you an account to what has passed through my mind in this long space of time. For one I'm in college, which I have learned to love. I say learned because I do like that I go to school four out of five days and I like my classes except for one and I like my teachers except for one. I also don't go the whole day, just three hours and one and a half hours and well you get the point. I'm also working taking care of 'chillum' after school. There's lots of love within those kids and yet some of them I can't stand...or their parents. I drive by myself as well. Whoop whoop. But I only drive to school and work. I'm still waiting for the glorious day when I will be able to pick up my friends and hang out or drive to the movies or just hang out with my sister; actually we do that sometimes but its more out of necessity, like today, when I'm supposed to take her to buy jeans even though I don't want to because she hasn't been the most cooperable person lately. Oh and currently I feel sick. I'm not sure if one of the kids gave me something or if its just allergies but in general, school, work and now my not-so-well-being makes me lose a lot of sleep. I'm tired.

You know what else reader? I'm tired of a lot of things. Here's one thing I'm REALLY tired of: Begging. Ok, not begging by its definition, but let me break it up so you understand. I don't beg the way a dog will beg its master to play with it or feed it. I don't smother myself like a cat on a person's leg to get it to pet the cat. I also don't beg like a child to its parent while at the store to get the parent to buy him something. That's the kind of begging I don't do. Here's the begging I will attempt to do:
'You're wrong. I'm right.' "No. Go away. I'm right." ' But...!' "I said no!" 'Fine be that way!' *turns out I was right* "I'm sorry..." 'ok' "will you be my friend?" 'HA! Good one' *I walk away*.
I won't sit there and watch you be wrong. EVENTUALLY I get tired of watching people mess up even though I told them they were wrong. This hurts me, watching a mistake being done. When it turns out I'm right, I won't not forgive you, but I won't trust you. That is my new logic. I understand, and you reader should understand this too because its important, that people are not perfect, they make mistakes. A FRIEND will not sit there and watch. I can't sit there and watch. Friendship is about forgiving, and forgetting. Oh wait, but at what cost? You can't sit here and tell me that you have kept ALL the friends you had since the day you met them. Everyone has had to filter out friendships. I guess this is my filter.

Like last week, my mom killed a roach with insecticide but for some stupid reason it made me sad. Raid doesn't kill roaches right away as they claim because I stood there watching the poor roach miserably trying to die. Trying! I don't care that its an animal or a disgusting insect without a conscience or logic, it suffered its death because it was never taught to not go inside a house. Its a plague and we are allowed and justified to kill plagues, but it was suffering! I literally cried over the roach's death. And its a roach! A disgusting little creature that minds its own business because its mind does not allow it to think that he or she is in danger!

I've taken a new standing in my life. I think I've made way too many mistakes to not realize that I'm wrong when I'm wrong. No one likes to be wrong but that is just something that we live with every day. Here's something that I thought of last night, I don't think I can get married. Its not that I don't want to, I really do in fact. Its just that I think I can't. Marriage is a HUGE life commitment. Marriage is not like a pair of shoes that you try on and wait until you find the right one. I don't know if I lost hope in all of love but I do think that I don't want to be alone. Being alone has always been one of my greatest fears, I don't know why, I just don't like it. I don't like people much, but like ugh! READER be patient with me, I haven't written for the lack of time and because I was afraid of criticism, now I could care less. Ok, so I don't think I can get married. I was thinking, what if I don't wanna tell my husband something? Something like that I consider it to be mine that happened when I was wee little and living in my little Mexico? Or what if its something that I don't remember but I was told it happened to me and I don't want him to know? Can I have MY thoughts or do they have to be OUR thoughts? I do wonder who will be the person that I will want to tell all of myself to...or if they will earn the right to know...

Thus the words of a cynic.

Here's my friendship cycle:
Meet -> Examine -> Study -> Examine -> Conclude its personality -> love -> Some mo' love -> Too much love -> Annoyance -> Acceptance -> FRIENDSHIP.
or or
hate and leave. annoyance and leave.



I have my first official-in-college tests starting Monday. Oh and I never caught up to the reading. One of my textbooks needs an access code for some stupid website and it didn't come with the code so I'm supposed to buy it. I think I can take a C for that class.

Memoires of my Childhood

Ugh, another day in this house. So basically my entire summer was spent doing nothing. If you want to count cooking and cleaning as something then yeah, I did that, but it wasn't important so I really would have rather have spent it with either someone (that does not include my sister) or doing something memorable. I've been to a few parties, hung out with a few friends, but really I've had better summers. There are two things that did happen to me that I think are awesome. First of all I got my license on August 1. The week before that and the week after that were spent with my aunt who visited us from Mexico. She was coming for my graduation party but due to the fact that I had to change the date, she couldn't stay and so she instead spent two weeks with us.
I have to say that in that time, inevitable things happened. To be honest, they were very stupid and pointless but alas, they happened and I'm gonna evaluate the outcome.

Starting by my aunt's visit...

Background: Her mother took care of my sister and me when we lived in Mexico and were wee bee little. She is a teacher and my inspiration. Along with her mom and her sister and a variety of family friends, they raised us. I have all kinds of lovely memories of those years I spent and all the fun I had along my sister, the dogs and cats and well of course my aunts and uncles.
Visit: She comes every once in a while because her brother lives here and well, so do we. She isn't married or has kids and therefore has no compromises. Usually my uncle brings her over and she will sleep with us for a few days but this time he left her here the entire week, two weeks actually. In those two weeks, we got an update on the family situation in Mexico, which isn't favorable... well besides that, I get to listen to her and my mom talk for hours and hours reminiscing. I love to hear people tell anecdotes, specially if in them I identify myself. She also likes to tell us a lot of things that we used to do and say when we were little and they took care of us. Such funny stories make me proud and happy of the way I was raised, always being allowed to say my opinion, speak my mind, and expanding my imagination to every corner of that house.
Evaluation:Not only that but I also learned that I've changed very little in this aspect. Of course I've matured a lot and wouldn't call my mom for making my lunch wrong, but those little things that I used to do, I still do but in a slightly different way. My ways of thinking have also changed and so have my likes, but that is a natural process of life. I know that when and if I get to be 50 years old, I probably won't obsess about pink and Maroon 5, so I make my point. There are of course things that I still like and behaviors that have not changed about me, such as making myself be heard, but again, these things I do differently. I like the way I am and the way I was raised; have I always agreed? No. Nevertheless, I appreciate it.
Conclusion: I am the person that I was thought to be, not just by my parents but by everything that has surrounded me my entire life. The only thing that I expect from people is that they have an original personality. You can never admire or blame a child's conduct on the child, it is the parents who are to be admired or blamed. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes but that again is part of learning. The most beautiful thing about this process is that one not only learns right and wrong, but forgiveness as well.

I'd like to ask all my friends from here on to evaluate me. I say that there are two types of friends and no its is not a good and bad friend, its an honest and dishonest friend. I think I've criticized hypocrisy many times, perhaps in this blog or out loud but if you don't know by now reader, I don't tolerate hypocrisy. Now now, don't be too haste to make accusations, let me explain starting by the two types of friends. Honesty is quite an admirable and brave quality. It takes guts to be honest because people are more bound to follow the crowd than to stay honest to themselves. When someone is making a mistake, especially if they are my friend, I cannot stand there and be a spectator!
I just can't. Once, I make my point its up to them, but if they continue, I won't mind being obvious. I will make it as evident as possible that I do not agree with such behavior.

Example: You are about to see that a baby is about to fall off a bed. Are you gonna sit there and watch??? Just because its a baby and he doesn't know doesn't mean that you are gonna let it happen so he will learn! That is ridiculous. If the baby grows up and then purposefully likes to fall off the bed, then in that case, you can just not do anything about it and not feel bad. You just walk out of the room to not see the child fall and break its arm or leg or head.

What's hypocrisy got anything to do with what kind of friend you or I or anyone else is? Well that being hypocritical goes hand in hand with being a dishonest friend.

I really enjoyed my aunt's visit.

Leaping Gazelle

It didn't matter where she stood in the hallway, she always had the same look on her face; that complexion of insecurity. To be honest, it was almost annoying because Giselle was truly gorgeous. She wasn't the kind of beauty that one finds in a magazine or a movie; Giselle was just pretty. Except that the look she carried around everywhere, that awful gaze made her go by unnoticed. Really, it always bothered me when I saw her during passing period. Often, I'd find myself asking "who the hell is she waiting for?!" But as always, I continued walking, waved hello, and moved on along my way. It never occurred to me thought, that like me, she was waiting for her love.

Let's face it, every girl dreams, or at least has dreamed once, that she is saved by her knight in shining armor and then is taken to a big white castle where they'll live happily ever after. Of course, girls like us get lucky if a guy just as little as smiles at us. Then we turn around to see the hot bimbo he was actually waving at. Yeah, it does hurt to dream if you do it forever. The problem we have though is that we can never move on. Ever.
"But I swear he looked at me"
" Gisell-"
"No! I mean it this time. We even made eye-contact. I promise this is different!"
"OK, fine, you guys made eye-contact but don't yo-"
"Yes, I know what you're going to tell me..."

No you don't actually...because really I'm the one who always ends up eavesdropping. By now I ACTUALLY don't know what her friend is going to say, but I DO know what Giselle is going to say. Why? Because I do the same thing. I tell people how we met; as if it were almost destiny. What started out as a friendly conversation led to a long story of love. I never intended to hear what Giselle and her friend talked about, but they sat behind me, so I really had no option, I even once wanted to turn around and give my two-cents on the matter, but I chickened out because Giselle's friend scared the crap our of me.
"We met in seventh grade" yep and they had a class together, "and we had a class together" he sat next to her "he sat next to me" but it was his friend who hooked them up "but it was Andrew who hooked us up."

Like I said, I know her story. Every time I hear it, I start to get all kinds of memories from him. Up to a certain point, I hate Giselle for doing this to me. Then again, I've never asked the teacher to move me... I guess sometimes I like to remember. You see, him and I had a very strange beginning. In fact, I was creepy, but I was a freshman so I guess it's OK. Now that I'm a Senior though, I'd never in a million years use that same...technique. If I admit that I stalked him a little we can skip a few dirty details. The truth is thought, that I liked talking to him. We had so much to talk about, mostly because we were so different and we learned from each other. Of course, I learned ten times more from him than he did from me, but that was evident since he was four years older.
"I really miss him...do you think..."
"Look Giselle, that was a long time ago"
Ha! Tell me about it. A long time ago I was obsessed with him, a long time ago I wanted him to like me so much or alt least to just have his entire attention and devotion. A long time ago, I was in love.

A long time ago was a long time ago...

Giselle knew more than anyone what a long time ago meant because her guy had happen seven years ago; that is very long ago. But sometimes, time doesn't matter to the heart.
"It was like were were meant to be." She said that with a very sad longing in her eyes, one that I am very familiar with. Actually, everyone says that about their partner at one point or another. When there's a lot of people asking what is going on between you two, well it just adds on to the idea of perfection. It's sorta like fuel for the soul of your love. The only reason why we kept quiet about it was because I was so little and he was older. From just plain sight, you couldn't tell, but, everyone know he was 20 and I was 16. Between us, it didn't matter because our feelings were much stronger that a four-year-difference. Giselle said they were meant to be because she thought she was in love, then again, who can really understand love besides its creator?

Even though the bell rang I can tell you exactly what Giselle would tell her friend until as always, she'd end up standing by the rail looking down as if waiting for someone. Waiting for him. I went up to her at some point to ask her for the class notes, then I remembered she had been talking and was probably just as lost as I was. Instead I asked her how she was doing on her free-writing assignment. "I'm doing OK. I found a poem that I'm going to analyze. What about you?" Me? well I haven't even started..."OH yeah, I'm doing great. Well I have to get going. See ya!" I should've asked her what poem she was talking about.Giselle wasn't just naturally beautiful, she was very smart as well and when it came to writing it was always an easy A for her.

I went home that same day and looked up a poem to analyze. Maybe I felt lame for taking Giselle's idea but her essay was going to be better anyways. The problem was that I found nothing so I ended up doing a satire on Baby Food. When I was stuck doing an essay he would help me. Naturally his age made him more 'experienced' but in reality, he was just good at everything. He had the solution to literally everything. I even used to call him my human encyclopedia or my human conscience. I never told him this...it was too embarrassing to admit that I couldn't do anything compared to him. Everything I did, I did it in an attempt to be better at something that he was already a genius at. The race though, never finished.
Giselle gave me her essay the next day to edit. It was even better than what I had in mind, and its honesty made me feel vulnerable. Her essay came alive...

"The author reveals to us in a
compassionate tone how he feels at a
great moment of distress...The Gazelle lives
surrounded by a predator always liable to death...
When he uses the word leap repeatedly
we see all his attempts of running
away from those that hurt him...His
description of the Gazelle's beauty reveals
a question in our minds, is this Gazelle
a lost love or an unsettled emotion?"

I handed Giselle her paper back and smiled. "It's good, really nice. I'd watch out, its a little wordy in a few places." Without being able to hold back the tears I shot out to the bathroom and soon found myself in the field. My chest was tight, my fingers numb; all around me everything was spinning and the slightest noise made an unbearable echo. I collapsed in tears for the first time in six months. Four year ago I had a best friend that I fell in love with. That was a long time ago but it still feels like yesterday that I'd wake up with his text or call. It was just yesterday that I could call him at any time for any reason. I am a slave to his memory just like Giselle; I am that stupid Gazelle that the poem talked about. The question still pops in my mind once in a while, why did I leave? I left because he was too good. Because I didn't know how to make him happy.

Now every time I hear Giselle talk about her long-lost love I don't only remember mine, I long it. Yeah, the Gazelle leaped away from danger, but it landed wrong , broke its leg and died. I tore my heart to pieces and became like Giselle secretly, waiting for someone. Maybe I'm also waiting for him to come back, but in the end, girls like Giselle and I don't get that kind of luck. We can hope for days and months and years but when the sun comes up, our screens have no new texts or missed calls. The urge to dial comes up, just to even hear the voice on the answering machine. Don't call us desperate, even if there's someone right in front of us, our previous heartaches have blinded us form seeing anyone else. Who really cares though. We are young and dumb and worst of all, we are huge dreamers. Someday I won't be blind anymore. Someday I won't miss him, what he made me feel or the love he gave me...
Giselle still stands by the wall looking at everyone passing by. She's waiting for him and he'll come someday. How do I know this? Because he is actually standing in front of her, she's just too naive to notice.

Sleepless Nights

Exiting news people! Coldplay has a new song and its very pretty :) Its called Every Teardrop is a Waterfall. Here's the link to its awesomeness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Kf_6BWcOOg&feature=youtu.be

So its been like two months that I can't sleep. By this I mean I literally can't fall and stay asleep. Here's how my typical night/day goes (I will use the example of me being in school because its easier that way. Oh yes I graduated BTW)

It's ten PM and I'm getting ready for bed. I brush my teeth and put on my pjs. I lay in bed. I will lay there for two hours at least. I'll sit there and think and think and think. The person who had been texting me from earlier is also awake and since I can't sleep we'll text. At about one AM I'll get sleepy and shut my eyes. At about four AM I will wake up in a cold sweat. Again at about five, I'll start waking up because since four I've been half asleep and half conscious. Then I start dreaming crazyness and in my dreams I'll know I'm dreaming so I tell myself to wake up just before my alarm goes off. I get up super tired but drag myself to school. During first period I fight to not fall asleep unlike third period; which when I get a chance I will put my head down and crash. By lunch I feel ok but again in fifth period I will fight very very hard to not fall asleep, but when the lesson is over, again I put my head down waiting for the bell. As soon as I come home I can't take it anymore so again, I lay in bed and sleep until my dad comes home which is about four PM. Then I'll wake up from a sleep that was almost perfect. After that it just go back to the beginning. That bloody half sleep.

So during one of these nights not long ago, I was texting a friend. It started off early in the evening but by the time I got to bed I was kinda into the conversation so I waited for the text replies as I do for everyone with long intervals (this is what I call it when someone takes long to reply). So in between all those intervals I got into my thinking. I used to believe that I couldn't sleep because my thoughts distracted me, but it turns out that its a medicine I have to take and my doctor just doubled my dosage. I wish it was one of those medicines that was almost optional to take, like my old acne stuff, but this I have to take it. So anyways, I got into my thinking; and let me just clarify that that night it was very, very hot and I couldn't even stay in one position for long. "What are you thinking about??? If you stop thinking then sleeping will come much easier." I wish it were that easy.

When no one is around and all I hear is the sound of silence, my loudest thoughts fill my mind. They are not very happy thoughts though. Its mostly stress and things I have to do. Then all that gets mixed up with things that happened during the day. To finalize my thoughts, I get very wrapped up....


This blog shall not be finished. In fact what I was going to tell you shall be left unmentioned. This is what I will do, DELETE THAT CONVERSATION FROM MY PHONE. Because it was stupid to get carried away and let hope dig into my soul that maybe something good could come out of it. All I know is that this is the last time I have sympathy over a stranger.

Coffee Break

First order of business, I WON A SCHOLARSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!! And I got to exempt all my finals. Happy face!
Second, I've been a little annoyed with a certain situation as some of you may be aware of. Certainly you will agree, reader, that an instigator is a person who provokes a situation. Therefore, all I have to say is that I am not an instigator, I'm just tired of being told that I'm a selfish, conceited you-know-what. And I'm sorry, but I will no longer be the better person. Obviously I know that people will give their opinion in the matter and that is totally fine, but just like everyone, I have a breaking point and sorry but no more nice-lady.
Third, and to the point: DANCING

The reason I chose to write about this is because of this previous weekend (along with many others in which I've repeatedly realized this). I've come to the conclusion that there are two types of dancing

• Feeling

This is honestly the only way that dancing is truly enjoyed and honored. For many, many centuries cultures have developed dances to communicate the way they feel about certain things, therefore, when we hear a certain song, a special feeling arises within us. It can even bring back memories or produce strange emotions. When one dances with feeling, the song is truly enjoyed and so is the dancing. Its like synchronizing body movement with the notes of the song. Once you get the hang of dancing, the next step is to learn to identify the rhythms so that when dancing, the movements are natural and flowing. Flow! That's a big thing about dancing; when there is flow there is no fear of messing up. It's as if the music was guiding your every step and every turn. Whether its fast or slow, it will just come naturally, like breathing. YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, YOU JUST DO IT! And that is the beauty of dancing. Forgetting about everyone else and just communicating with the audience in silent steps of happiness. Because truly, dancing with feeling produces happiness above all other things.

• Rhythmically Moving

Not everyone can dance, but everyone can learn to rhythmically move. But most of the time that looks like you have something stabbing your legs. The steps are off, the movement is awkward, the turns are too fast or too crazy. Rhythmically moving is worthy of admiration. It is bad enough to get the nerve to dance, specially when you don't know what to do. However, when Rhythmical Movement is archived, everything else SEEMS like a piece of cake. This type of dancing is the one that everyone first learns, because without it, you just don't have a clue. Your body moves with a beat and with counts. One two step one two step one two turn. That may seems like dancing and it actually CAN be good dancing, but it doesn't taste the same. You can't get into the song and there's no flow or natural movement. Rhythmical Movement is very ok and "passable" because it is, after all, dancing.

Besides these two there's no other way. Its either you know or you don't. Some people have an innate ability and they learn to feel the music almost at the same time as they are learning to rhythmically move. Those are the people that are so enjoyable to just simply watch. Of course if you are one of those people, well, even better. KUDOS.

Aabboouutt me. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like this is just simple criticism, its not. Simply, it is my opinion based on observation. I've been to many kinds of parties and, some just piss me off; others don't. The ones that piss me off are the ones where there is no one that dances with feeling. The ones that don't are the ones where there are people that rhythmically move. So where do I stand? I think I'm in a midline. This is going to sound very conceited, but I won't lie. I do struggle in some genres more than with others. But I get dancing very well and I have a very high criticism of who I dance with...unless I have no choice. I like dancing with certain people more than with others, and why shouldn't I if I tend to get into the "feeling"? When a person who feels and one that rhythmically moves join together, you get a very enjoyable dance. When you get two that feel, now, that's what I'm talking about!

I guess I'm very disappointed in what I've seen the last couple of days. I really like dancing, I mean, hello I'm a teen! I made it my goal to learn and I did, what I didn't learn was to lose the fear. I admit it. Dancing with a stranger makes me nervous because I don't know what to expect. Then again, I don't usually turn down anyone...unless its like some old man that I've never seen in my life (which actually did happen to me...TWICE). I also like to teach people to dance but then again, in the Latin culture, it takes two to Tango, so I can only do so much. Its gotten to the point where I think that one of the features of my future husband is that he knows how to dance. That he LIKES dancing. I won't dream too far and expect a Mr. Dancing wit the Stars, but if its something that I enjoy so much, then he's got to have it. He's out there somewhere looking for me, our paths just haven't quite met. Yet.

Not One More Time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DYoUk8FKnA&feature=fvwrel

Talves no sabes cuanto te ame

Yo te ame,
Te adore,
No te quiero ve ie ier.

Y sufri,
Hasta el fin,
No te quiero ve ie ier
Duramos una noche amando
Y la otra peleando

Quisiera llorar

Fiction

If I were to sit here and type out every single thought that is in my mind right now, I would end up creating a really BIG mess out of this blog. So reader, I have a question for you. Why do you read these lines? Lately, I have been acting a lot on impulse, something that I had grown out of. Last year, last school year, I believe it was the last time I acted on the instincts of my gutt. It's never gotten me into any trouble, and yay for me because it actually had worked until then. Actually, a dear friend of mine was the one that pointed it out. Apparently I was causing...uhm...nerve wrecks. But anyways, this is the only way I find it appropriate to settle this issue in my mind. Marmalade Boy Style.


"Miki what's wrong?"
"Huh? Oh its nothing Meiko! Was I acting distracted? Well I didn't mean to, I was just thinking."
"Oh I see..."
"No really Meiko I'm fine!"
"Miki. Stop lying to yourself. What are you going to do about Ginta?"
"Oh Meiko...I thought I sounded convincing. I really don't know. I know I couldn't make up my mind, but it's been so long since we...well you know. And I still can't bring myself to face him. Sometimes, I want him to notice me, but then I think of all the pain he's in and it makes me want to disappear from the whole face of the earth. And well, him being friends with Yuu and..."
"Arimi. She's got you all upset. It's her huh?"
"Yes...Meiko, Yuu is her ex! And well...She's my-"
"Miki. Stop thinking about it so much. Yes it's true that you and Arimi are friends but what kind of friendship do you call it? Is it a close friendship?"
"Well..."
"Miki, when are you going to start asking yourself what YOU want? When is that going to be important? You are always so concerned about not hurting anyone else that you forget about your own feelings. Think about it. When you and Ginta started having issues what happened? I suggested that you guys take a break from each other and may I remind you that you stopped talking to me for a whole week. The idea simply upset you so much as to the point of being so mad at me."
"Meiko this is different though..."
"How so? Last time I checked, the one that was acting different with you was Yuu. What about the things he tells you that startle you?"
"OH MEIKO! I just don't like to even remember all those things! It's like, every time I remember...I get this feeling in my gutt that I just don't know what to think! I don't get it Meiko! Why does he do that? Why would he ask me not to fall for him and then he says all those things to make me notice him? What is it that triggers all those thoughts in his head? He's always there, even if I were to try to ignore him, well it's so hard because we live in the same house! But then again, when I do talk to him, I feel good about myself. He makes me want to talk to him and I get so exited and happy and...and... Just what exactly is he thinking to say those things?!?!"
"Why don't you ask him..."
"Because...I don't know...I'm scared I guess..."
"I suppose you don't want to lose his friendship? Or better yet, to make it akward."
"Yeah...I guess so... You see, Ginta, well, I felt good with him, but things were far better when well, we were just friends. Then it got to the point where I knew he wasn't telling me things because he honestly thought them so, but because he felt it was his duty as a...as my...oh Meiko"
"Overthinking this is not going to get you anywhere. And if Yuu really means something serious behind all that secrecy then let it come on its own. I'm sure it will all make sense."
"Yeah...I suppose you're right Mieko. Well I better get going."
"Oh and Miki, be honest with yourself. For once face your emotions, don't let them get a hold of you."
"Thanks Meiko."

21 Reasons to not be in a Love Triangle (or any other geometric shape)

I don't usually obsess over anything, but, I am only human and I do have my little secret hidden obsessions. One is make-up, but that was a given. Writing of course is a little too OBVIOUS. But there is one that not a lot of people know about. I am into the shojo and bishi characters...yes, I like mangas and animes. It all started with Marmalade Boy...which turned into Kare Kano and Fruit Baskets and D.N.Angel and Hott Gimmick and well you get the point...
But Marmalade Boy is my favorite of all times!!! And since its My first Anime love, I think I should commemorate the feelings I get every time I watch it. Because every time I watch it, I still get butterflies in my stomach and it makes me want to go out there and MAKE SOME DRAMA!!!

Ok just kidding. So without further ado, here are 21 reasons to not want to be in a love triangle. It's only fair that I introduce the characters to you that I will be using as an example. First there is Miki, the female protagonist; the story is about her. Then, there is Yuu (pronounced 'you'), the male protagonist; the drama is about him. There is also Meiko, Miki's bff and Ginta who loves Miki. Lastly, there is Arimi, who likes Yuu...

Reason Number one

Being in a love triangle sucks because there is a lot of drama involved. Miki, for example, is constantly involved in drama because she used to like Ginta who ended up rejecting her to look good in front of his friends but really actually liked Miki.

Reason Number two

You are constantly confused about your feelings. This is very common in Miki because she cannot decide whether she likes Yuu or Ginta.

Reason Number four

One person will always come out hurt. In a love triangle, it is very clear that there are three people involved and that meas that one will not get chosen. Sometimes, however, there can be more people involved, but mainly there will be three people. Arimi and Yuu used to date, so Arimi is at constant war with Miki trying to get Yuu to like her, but the real problem lies with Ginta when Arimi tries to use him to make Miki jealous and give up on Yuu.

Reason Number five

Comparing the implicated is almost impossible. Eventually you start to think "well this person is like this but this person is like this", no longer are they individuals.

Reason Number six

I assure you that 9 out of ten times, one of the people will be someone you have been friends with for a long time. This in the end will only kill the friendship. In Miki's case, she had been Ginta's friend for a looooong time, but in the end, they couldn't just be friends.

Reason Number seven

The person you choose will love you and the other person will hate you. This will hurt 20 times more and it will make you think over and over again that you hurt someone that really honestly cared about you and who you cared about. Not a cool thing because you end up thinking more about the person you ditched than the person you chose. In Yuu's case, he had Arimi, who is always wherever he's at...for some odd reason...

Reason Number eight

The people involved argue a lot. Its not like they mean to purposely argue, its that they are constantly irritated by the fact that at any time, one person is gonna get dropped. Ginta and Yuu argue a lot, its mostly because Yuu and Miki live together and he doesn't know why.

Reason Number nine

Emotions flare. Not only are they irritated all the time, but they are sad and happy and everything. It's like they all become bipolar PMSing girls. Miki cries all the time but has to put a happy face constantly. Her friend Meiko knows every time Miki is faking it, which in the end is not healthy for anyone.

Reason Number ten

Unstableness. I realize this is not a word but I don't want to use another one. It seems like when people are in a love triangle, all they think of is that emotional mess they have to deal with. Ginta almost lost a tennis match due to his unstableness.

Reason Number eleven

Fights. Fights. Fights. Boys are experts at trying to beat up each other. They are also very good at not realizing how hurtful this is on girls. We are not animals where it is accepted that two males battle to the death for a female...Unacceptable.

Reason Number twelve

You can't go back to the other person. Once you made your pick, its over. This scenario is not your typical, break-up, move-on deal. This is a little more sensitive because in the first place, your feelings were not straight so the ditched person will either hate you or want you back...but its just worse because the three people will always be informed of what goes on in the relationship and that is just plain awkward.

Reason Number thirteen

You think when is it time to give up? Once it just takes for ever for the person to decide who she (in this case I'm referring to the two boys/one girl case but it can be One boy/two girls...) will choose, someone will start to loose hope. But this hope is fed everyday by the thought that if you persist, she will chose you. Arimi eventually has to give up because it is very obvious that she doesn't have a chance.

Reason Number fourteen

You think when is time to move on? This is, in my opinion, the hardest reason. Ginta thinks all the time, when will he be able to move on. It's hard for him because he's in the tennis team with Miki and they are classmates, so he can't avoid her. When it's time for him to get a girlfriend, he wonders if he really is over Miki and will it ruin his chances of being with her in the future.

Reason Number fifteen

Breaking up with the chose person can make the ditched person think its their turn. This is illogical and logical at the same time because the person that didn't get chosen always has hope deep down inside. The real question is, would it work?? NO! Miki had a horrible time with this actually because by the time the series gets to this point, it is no longer a triangle, it's more like a...pentagon...

Reason Number sixteen

The pressure to choose is constant. The person that has to choose has to live with the decision she(he)takes. It won't be an easy one but most likely, it will be the right time and worth the pressure. But really, who likes pressure!?!

Reason Number seventeen

If you mess up choosing it will be over for all three people. Realizing this is probably the hardest thing about the break-up. Two options, one result; if it doesn't work with one, it does not mean it will work wit the other one. This brings me back to reason number twelve.

Reason Number eighteen

People tend to talk about your relationship status. Nowadays, this takes place mostly on social networks because the first think people will point out is your changed relationship status. I'm anti-relationship statuses because when it's changed, people are morbidly nosy. It can't be helped. Miki had to deal with tons and tons of gossip thanks to Arimi but in the end, she just had to learn to trust Yuu.

Reason Number nineteen

Tons of more jealousy. When you like two people and can't make up your mind about one, there is a problem. When you chose one, you live with the idea that the person you are with, will one day be in your previous position and NOT chose you. Yuu for the very obvious reasons, is very popular and lots of girls try to steal him away. Same with Miki. Not a good place to be in.

Reason Number twenty

Prone to sensitivity. This is a girl's favorite. The trust issues that lead to unavoidable tears. Just to point out, Miki, Arimi, Meiko, and all the other girls that make up the other geometric shapes of love cry ALL THE TIME!!!

Reason Number twenty one

Triangles suck.

So there you have it. 21 reasons why being in a triangle, or any other geometric shape, sucks. It really honestly does!!! But you know what reader??? Marmalade Boy DOES NOT SUCK!!!

My Neverending Story

this was me this morning -> ~_~
this was me this afternoon -> ^_^
this is me right now -> >_<+++

I need a car. I need a car to get a job. I need a car to get a job to get out of this place. In the end, I need a car...

Hold on to your butts, it gets better.

I need to be driven to the DPS office to get my license so that I can drive legally and get a job to pay for insurance. I need to have insurance to drive. I need a job to buy a car. I need a car to drive to work to have money to buy things. I need to buy things to stop worrying about whether I'm broke or not. I need a job to buy me clothes. I need a car to drive to the store. I need a job to pay gas.

Gas keeps giving me a heart attack...

I need a car to drive to school. I need to drive to school to get an education. I need an education so that I can have a better job. I need a better job so that I can have medical insurance. I need medical insurance to avoid dying of swine flu. I need a job to pay for my education. And once again, I need a car to have a job.

I need a job to pay for a laptop. I need a laptop to do homework. I need a job to pay for internet. I need internet to do my homework. Oh and again, I need a car to drive to work to pay for these things. I also need a phone. I need a phone to communicate. I need to communicate to not be a loner and to call costumer service.

Lastly, I need a car to drive to MY APARTMENT. I need MY APARTMENT to live in peace. I need to live in peace in MY APARTMENT to not be stressed. I need a job to pay MY APARTMENT. I need a lot of things, but most importantly, I need a car to have a job to pay for clothes to not be naked, to pay for food so I won't starve, to pay for an education so I can have a better job that gives me insurance, and to pay for a laptop, internet and my phone.

Here's my one little problem, I've been 18 for 15 days, almost 16 days. I've been driving with my permit for 10 months. But! I have not been taken to the DPS to get my license so that I can drive. If I could drive, I could get a job!!! If I could get a job, I could pay for things!! If I could pay for things, I could go to places and and and and...

*small pause*

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! GGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! AAAAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!!!


LAKEFOIEksofiekkjIKLA;OIDF EIJD JAOE KSEJIESJKF;ASIEFJ ;ISERKSJFD OIIEFKDJFIE ASKDJFIOEJKSADJFISERLKEkj;Ijkjifaksejaisjfkseijakf ia isak isjfalsfiejkadioasek aisr taha thws disojiek ghatkjakdijsj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it were not for the person I'm texting right now...I would have ripped my hair out!!! This is me right now because I don't have a car -> >_<+++

*Note: Its not like I'm asking for a 2012 Lamborghini, I don't even care if the stinkin' car has AC/Heater. Here's what I'm asking for: a car with Seatbelts, Airbags, and working breaks. Of course, I do have a preference of a Volkswagen Beetle (Pink preferably but I'll take any color), but at the moment, after I get my education, I can buy me any car I want.

18.4 - I no longer trust my neighbor's cat

Writing brings back memories; so does reading.

This last weekend I was stuck home doing nothing productive and I decided to dig in my bookshelf. My mistake. I found this notebook from freshman year and I'm going to tell you all about it because what are the chances that anyone will read this besides maybe the girl who cried wolf? My freshman year was not my biggest mistake but it was my most dramatic year. I met a lot of people that year that I love to death but I also met some that I wish didn't even exist. Yes that is horrible but I can't help the way I feel right now. Right now. Right now is a moment when I feel as if every waterfall had been turned upside down, as if gravity had reversed the flow of the river and everything was going the opposite direction. Right now I want to jump off an airplane and let gravity suck me into the depths of this miserable Earth. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound suicidal or anything of the sort.

Four year ago, I was a lost freshman who had no experience in anything. I trusted EVERYONE and thought EVERYONE was the nicest. I wanted to be friends with EVERYONE. Of course anyone that knows me well enough now knows that I'm the most cynical person ever. I really was so naive that the word is a fraction of a description of how stupid I was. I'm going to be honest and say that I felt something very close to love that year and I know that I also learned what it was to lose something in a second.

One. Second. Now. I. Have. It. Now. Its. Gone.

That spiral that I found in my bookshelf has a story to tell about three friends. Three friends that stood by each other and adviced each other and loved each other with a friendship that was so honest and clean. We each had our ways of trying to figure out one thing; love. In between all the drama, catfights, and gossip, we learned to hate each other. We didn't mean to, it just happened. It went kind of like this: a child is told to move because he's about to get run over by a car but the child thinks he's too smart and can wait until the last second to move. Oops, too late.

The time that I spent with those two other girls made me learn to respect one of them only. Just one. Why? Because she was sincere. She never lied to get attention or told me crazy money stories. Forgiving is one thing, trust is another.

I won't use the whole cliche of "I forgave you but the scar reminds me of what you did" because its stupid. Here's what worries me, that a friend turns into a backstabber. What would be the one thing that would shatter me beyond pieces??? Not that I may find out that a backstabber can turn people into more backstabbers, but that a friend was not really a friend after all.

I like that word. BACKSTABBERS! It sounds funny in my mouth.

Well, I read back and can only see the good stuff and smile for a second. Too bad it turned out to be a dirty little lie, otherwise, we'd still be the three musketeers. On the other hand this just goes to prove that even though I've been 18 for 4 days, I still don't feel like an adult.

Dreadful Two Hours

Dominique had spent so many summers and winters, surrounding herself with people in order to feel alone,that the experiment of actual solitude was an enchantment to her and a betrayal into a weakness she had never allowed herself: the weakness of enjoying it. she stretched her arms and let them drop lazily, feeling a sweet, drowsy heaviness above her elbows, as after a first drink. She was conscious of her summer dresses, she felt her knees, her thighs encountering the faint resistance of cloth when she moved, and it made her conscious not of the cloth, but of her knees and thighs.
She saw his mouth and the silent contempt in the shape of his mouth; the planes of his gaunt, hollow cheeks; the cold, pure brilliance of the eyes that had no trace of pity. She knew it was the most beautiful face she would ever see, because it was the abstraction of strength made visible. She felt a convulsion of anger, of protest of resistance-and of pleasure. He stood looking up at her; it was not a glace, but an a act of ownership. She thought she must let her face give him the answer it deserved. But she was looking, instead, at the stone dust on his burned arms, the wet shirt slinging to his ribs, the lines of his long legs. She was thinking of those statues of men she had always sought...She saw him looking at her as if he knew that. She thought she had found an aim in life-a sudden, sweeping hatred for that man.
She felt anger, a satisfying anger because it was cold and certain. She felt also a desire to let her skin touch his; to let the length of her bare arms press against the length of his; just that; the desire went no further.

-The Fountainhead
By Ayn Rand

I think its pretty obvious that I feel the way that the above character does in the novel that we are currently reading in my English class. Funny think because out of anyone in that book, I hate her. Yesterday, we went to a neighboring congo and to be honest, I really liked it. I learned that people that are humble are nicer. I should be more humble. Plus my daddy did really good on his talk. There was one thing that really bothered me though. They got my dad's last name wrong and for those two hours, we were Mendez.

Here's the deal: MENDOZA!!!

Jackrabbit Street

This week I was talking to an old friend and I realized something that I had never thought of before. Since basically we teens make things "fashion", I realized that being teens going into adulthood makes us more aware of things. This thing, I wonder though, if its really something to be aware of or just mere fashion. Lately I think people take friendships for granted and friends no longer exist, just the thought of a friendship. We are not friends, we are acquaintances. In my personal opinion, this is dumb. because I'd think an acquiantance is someone that I have in class or that I've had like two very AMAZING conversations with. But that is not what I am here to write about. Before I get to what I am here for, I have to say that I've become cynical. I refuse to fall in the crowd and be mediocre but I can say one thing for sure; we are all selfish.

Ok now to my point. What I am about to say comes straight from the heart and is the truth and nothing but the truth.

I have very few FRIENDS. And I literally mean FRIENDS. Friend as in the way that Webster defines it: one attached to another by affection or esteem. But I'm here to talk about ONE very special and dear friend whose friendship I value like gold.

This friend I met three years ago. It was April and our convention had just finished. I was having a conversation when this group of kids (LOL) approached us. Two boys and a girl. The girl I thought was very pretty and I liked her purple dress. She seemed nice in a way that not a lot of people are and I liked her pleasantness. She wasn't there very long but I can remember this very well only because of the events that followed our encounter (which are irrelevant to this blog).

It took a year for us to hang out. We don't see each other often, but, what I think makes this friendship special is the reliance that we have on each other. This girl is not just beautiful, she has an incredibly unique personality and that is truly something that I admire. She is one of the few people that I look up to and can't wait till our next hangout. With tears in our eyes, we have gone through some really hard times and we have laughed our butts off to the dumbest things. Her strength as a woman has helped cheer up a lot of her girls and even me at times.

One time, I was reading something silly and it said something like " BFF, when we are old, we'll be chasing each other in the nursing home in our wheelchairs". Well if we get to that age, that will be us. There is so much I can learn from her because even if she doesn't know, she'll learn. No matter how sad this world gets, her smile is just like the hope for a better tomorrow. I KNOW this is my friend (and if you're gonna tell me we're acquaintances I'll personally drive to your house with a bat!!!)

My dear Abby Love. My friend at heart. My sister. My Love :P

Books don't teach everything, Neither does life.

I am not happy today. In fact, very lately I find myself thinking about stuff that makes me upset. The way I see things and analyze just about everything, has given me, literally, a stomach ache. I have not been able to go a single day without my stomach feeling gross and nervous. To be honest, it's very annoying, not because of the things I think about, but because of the effect that I imagine these things will have on my actions. There is one thing about me that I don't understand. It is am intriguing flaw and quality of my character that I question everyday; such a thing, is the thing that makes me wonder how ok is my sanity.

Today is one day, like many others, that I woke up, went to school, listened to an annoying lecture, fought my french class, read, kicked to Justin Beiber's I Just Need Somebody to Love, took a quiz, dissected a brain, filed some papers, took insult to one of my opinions, came home, checked my Facebook, read some stuff and now I'm up to this point. My anger. I really don't think that I have anger issues. I think I am very calm, in fact, I know I am patient. I'll admit however that when I lose it, its bad and I don't let go of it for a while. The thing is that I don't usually lose my head. There are ways, however, to make me lose it very, very fast. The latest of all is people's ignorance.

So like I said today, I took offense in one of my opinions, and this is what I came here to analyze. Sometimes, mostly lately, I look at a person and a voice inside my head goes, Who are you?, even though I've been knowing that person forever. Sometimes, its not forever, but I still think, Who are you? We've been studying the brain in anatomy and I have not stopped to be amazed by its capabilities( If I were to be a doctor, I'd be a neurologist).

Here's the way I see it.

Can anyone criticize the way another person feels or thinks?

Back in grammar school, they taught me that there are two ways to differentiate two things. Fact and opinion. Facts are supported by proof. Opinions aren't. So why must opinions be a matter of argument? The only things that are important in life are facts. Here are a few facts on life: We are born, we grow, we reproduce, we age, and we die. Everything else is just a matter of opinion; the way we are raised, the way we grow, the way one chooses to reproduce, what we do in life and what we make out of life. Why? Because everyone has a different opinion in the way that these things should be done. That is all an opinion is; a thought on what something should be.


Here's something else, this is about me. I don't consider myself to be super smart. I do however, acknowledge that I have a sense of intelligence. The way that I have acquired my intelligence is absolutely irrelevant. Why then, must I be judged by the latter? No one cares where we learned things as long as they are learned correctly. Forming my own opinions should not be a trivial matter. I admit that the way I think is neither wrong or right and it is not influenced by my knowledge. The way I think is just a reflection of FACTS. I'm very realistic and I say things how they are. Of course, I think before I say things. Thinking faster though, has been of my benefit. I am always thinking and I hate myself for it because I question a lot of things.I am an Interpersonal thinker. If I want things to go a certain way, I am the only product that can influence the result. Will it happen? I don't know. What does all this have to do with me being smart? Absolutely NOTHING! I am not smart because I read. I am smart because I listen and look for facts; even if the facts are hurtful.

My latest lesson in life that I, myself, am still trying to accept, is that the truth hurts but we have to accept it anyways. Nothing lasts forever, and that is just another fact.