Today is the day. Today is the day. I know it. I woke up and decided today is the day. I looked in the mirror as I brushed my hair and looked straight into my eyes sure that today was the day. As I put eyeshadow on my eyes I whispered to myself that today was the day. Of course today was the day. I knew today would be the best day of my life because I put on red lipstick, chose my favorite jeans, a navy blue blouse, and the most perfect pair of wedges. I felt sexy yet confident because today would be the day. Yes. Today was the day. I drove to school feeling the confidence that I had worked up. I could feel my nerves pinching my fingertips, numbing them, making my every reaction seem like a flash of light. The day was a perfect autumn day, not a could in the sky, the scent of nutmeg and allspice in the air, the most perfect taste of fall. The wind was cool balancing the warmth that wrapped its embrace in the city. I was sure today was the day.
I pulled into my parking space on the fifth level of the student garage. It was a bliss to know that every day I could pull into the same spot, guaranteed to be open for me, even if it had a $90 fee per semester attached to it. That was not important though, the important thing was that I made it 49 minutes early which would give me enough time to grab a cup of coffee in the cafeteria and head up to the library while I waited for him. We had been meeting up there every day for the past three years. The way we had met could be almost coincidence, or maybe destiny; some might call it luck. To me it was just perfect. Myran and I got accepted to the same university, although we had no idea we had applied for the same university back in our senior year of high school. Between a mix of senioritis, prom, graduation and college applications, it didn't seem to come up at the time until Myran showed me her acceptance letter. A week later I got mine, sure that I would get in just based on my GPA. As graduation approached we made plans to find an apartment close to campus since our parents had mutually agreed to pay our rent as long as we maintained a significantly high GPA. During that summer we toured campus on our own. We didn't think it was necessary to wait until Freshman Night to be dragged around by some senior who could care less about the incoming freshmen. Of course we got lost in the science building while the summer class students were busily minding their own business. College was everything we imagined it would be, but twice as fun since we would share it together.
On Freshman night, two weeks before the semester kicked off, Myran and I decided to go on our own, desperately trying to avoid any embarrassment from our parents. We told them we wanted to go on our own even though they insisted to come along and in the end they let us have our way. Myran's parents were more conservative than mine so I was sure they would not give in and we would end up having them tail us, however my parents being more open minded didn't put up too much of a fight. Even though we walked in together, we only lasted the first hour together. Mayran was a fashion design student, so she would be in the art building learning the history of underwear while I read Shakespeare and Milton as an English major in the humanities building across campus. Even though we had come a month earlier, we had only managed to find the main building (which was huge and contained all the respective offices and enough classrooms to hold all the core classes that every new student required to take), the student activities center (we would later spend a lot of time there working out our exam stress) and the science hall (where we got lost earlier in the summer). The important thing about that night was to find the bookstore, the library, the commons and our respective buildings where we would take our classes; once that was accomplished, there was no point in staying. Neither one of us were interested in joining any clubs right away or any sororities so when Mayran texted me at about 7:15 saying she was ready to go home, I didn't complain. I was supposed to meet her in the main building's entrance which was closer to where I was than wherever she was at.
I waited for about ten minutes before I decided to call her. No response. Mayran was chatty, it was part of her personality and the reason we had been friends since sixth grade. I figured she got lost or distracted so I started looking around the displays of all the different clubs on campus. There were a lot of basic clubs like language clubs, political clubs, art clubs, writing clubs. I approached a creative writing club and took a flyer before anyone approached me and tried to get me to sign up. A lonely bench by the registrar's office called my name so I sat to look at the pretty pink flyer. It seemed like a nice club where they invited authors once in a while to give workshops and where club members also shared their pieces. As I was thinking about the few stories I wrote in high school, Mayran texted me that she would be a while since she had found one of her professors and was going to take advantage to win some brownie points. Typical Mayran.
That's when he showed up. It was almost like he had floated down from the sky on a cloud.
The first thing I noticed were his black dressing shoes. He was also wearing jeans which I though looked odd with the shoes. As I continued to look up, I saw his face, a pair of dorky glasses and the most perfect teeth behind the friendliest smile. I couldn't help but smile back since he was handing me another flier. All he said was "Welcome, please join our club" and he left. I didn't think much of it until that night when I caught myself thinking of his face. His caramel color skin, his sharp and straight nose, and those olive black eyes behind the thick framed glasses. He was tall and seemed to slightly hate it because he carried his head a little tilted to the side as if hoping that would make him look shorter. Hot was not an adjective I would have used then or now to describe him. Gorgeous would be too much as well. For whatever reason, I wanted to find him again, just to look at him and see why his face was engraved to my brain. Mayran thought it was no big deal but assured me that she would help me find him. On that first day of class, I was waiting for her in the student center and what do you know, she walked in with him. There he was holding a messenger bag wearing a teal shirt and khakis.
"Hi!" I practically jumped off the couch as I saw them approach.
"This is my friend Valenteana, Val, this is Michael." I stared not knowing what to say next, so I just smiled.
"Valenteana, that's an interesting name" he sat across from me and took a sip of his drink.
"Yeah, my parents thought I would be born on Valentine's day so they just called me that and when I stayed in the womb past February 14, they were a little disappointed. I was born five days later but they were already used to calling me Valenteana so it stayed." I tried my best to sound confident and relaxed hoping desperately that they would not notice my heart had started to beat a million times faster. His presence was heavy, not as in strong, just heavy as in full of confidence. Apparently he was a sophomore and Mayran had a class with him in which they would be partners for a project. After about minutes he took off to go to the library and Mayran pulled out her phone while I stared at his strong back.
"Mayran...that's him."
"Him? Who's him?"
"Him him! The him from freshman night! That's him!"
"Michael? He's the guy you can't stop thinking about?' There was a look of disgust and surprise on her face. Mayran had been dating the same guy since 10th grade, an athlete to say the least, tall, handsome, fun and polite, so Michael didn't seem like the most attractive guy on campus to her.
"Ok yeah I don't get it myself."
"He's so...dorky Val. You can't be serious." She looked back at her phone. It was probably Gabe texting her.
It wasn't as if the universe had thrown two people into the same place, but Michael seemed to be the most perfect guy I had ever met. Thanks to Mayran, I was able to see him twice a week for the entire course of that first semester. He was so passionate about science and therefore read a lot of books and not just science textbooks, he just read a lot of books of all types so whenever I was around and Mayran wasn't looking, I would slip a note to him with a quote from a book or a character and we would secretly play a guessing game. He was so smart. One day I found him in the library reading a textbook on ideology, which was a class I would not be able to take until my junior year. I later found out that he enjoyed taking different classes just to learn stuff and didn't focus entirely on his science major. Michael wasn't just smart, he was funny too. The way he laughed, like a total nerd, snorting, almost as if he were choking, was a laugh that I was in love with. His parents lived in Maine so when they visited him one weekend in October, he invited us and some other friends to dinner downtown. He wanted to show them his world, the city, his friends, and I was lucky enough to share that moment with him. The way he spoke to his mother was royal; he treated her with so much respect and kindness. His father was a chemical engineer so when father and son spoke, it was a language of their own. By November we had managed to find each other in the library enough times that we always expected one another. It became routine that I would help him write his essays and he would help me memorize facts for my biology class.
Yes. Michael was perfect. He slowly became my friend and confidant. He was a dedicated student as I was so we would compete even though he was a year ahead of me. By the time his senior year arrived, both Mayran and I had gotten accustomed to his presence. Of course, the three of us had become friends, but I always thought of him as more than just a friend. Michael made me feel good, he made me feel smart. When I was too stressed about an essay, he would bring me coffee and sit on my couch reading "Science Weekly," sometimes until very late at night until I would finish. During the weekends we would sometimes take runs near a hiking train and race to finish. Twice Mayran and I went to Maine with him to visit his parents and they took very well to both of us. As the good friend that he was, he also became Mayran's model for some of her design projects. Not once did he complain about standing still for hours until she pinned every piece of fabric in the right places. I guess you could say it was amazing that the three of us had become friends, and really I had Mayran to thank. Although she wasn't too sure about him at first, once we got to know each other she understood why I was so in love with him and supported me in every way. That is, she was always pushing me around to confess. I couldn't do it though. I just didn't want to ruin that beautiful magic we had going. Michael was so focused and he already had a job waiting for him at his dad's company. Mayran started working at a small boutique during our Junior year and I was busy working at the bookstore. I knew Michael would leave one day. He would leave to pursue his career and I could not stop him. I didn't want to stop him. His passion was too great for me to get in the way, so I decided to keep my feelings inside.
I can count every single time my heart has skipped a beat for him. The times which he laughed his honest laugh, the times he stopped me from having a panic attack after thinking I would fail a test, the times he would cheer on Mayran when she could not come up with a new design. He wasn't just a good friend to me, he was a great friend to everyone he met. If I had to describe him in one word, it would be loyal. Michael was loyal to his parents, to his career and to his friends. Not once did he let us down or disappoint us. Every time he would talk about particles and chemical reactions, his eyes would sparkle and his excitement could almost be touched. Michael was amazing to me, and for three years I had learned to keep my love for him and convince myself that it was strictly platonic love. However, the sooner graduation approached, the more I became afraid to lose him. I was willing to go anywhere with him. I knew Mayran would be my best friend no matter which way our paths would take us, but with Michael it was different. Michael had a lot of friends, including girls. Even though I have never been the jealous type, every time I saw him talking to another girl, I would feel sad and afraid. My biggest fear was that one day he would fall in love with someone else, that one day he would walk into my living room to introduce us to some hot blonde even though I knew very well that Michael would never date a dumb and shallow girl. He was a man nonetheless and early in junior high, I learned that men's eyes are their biggest weakness; what goes in them, stays in them and Michael was a guy after all.
Then, I had a dream. In my dream he was going to marry a girl he had just met, a girl who was married already. I woke up in an ocean of panic, tangled up in my sheets and completely out of breath. I waited to tell Mayran until that weekend and her first reaction was the same as all those years.
"You have to tell him Val. Look, he is about to graduate and go back to Maine, and if he doesn't love you like you love him then he will just leave and you will have all that distance to get over him."
"Its not that easy Mayran! Every time he smiles I feel like I will faint and don't tell me I'm being cheesy because I already know that."
"Valenteana, if you don't tell him, you will live the rest of your life wishing you had."
She was right. A week later, here I am waiting in the library for him. Today was the day I would tell him I loved him. I would tell him I was in love with his hair and his eyes. I would tell him that his laugh completed my world. I would tell him that I think he is the kindest most self-less person I ever met. I would tell him that I admire his passion and commitment. I would go on and on about how well-mannered he was and how gallant I thought that made him. I would tell him I was his number one fan every time he played the piano. I would tell him that I have been in love with him since the day he gave me that flyer. I would describe how every time we would have a conversation, fireworks would go off in my head. I would confess how much I tried to find moments alone with him, and how when we finally coincidentally ended up meeting in the library every day, I felt like the happiest girl on campus. I would tell him how he completed my world and how much I appreciated all the support he had shown me through the past few years. I would also tell him how much my mother liked him and always asked me when we would start dating. I would tell him how every time he guessed right on our little bookworm game, I felt like the luckiest girl to have a friend as smart as him. I would tell him how every time he hugged me I could feel my heart growing out of my chest. I would definitely tell him about the time I tried holding his hand and how every time I would see him, he would make me feel like the prettiest girl in the room by the attention he gave me. I would tell him that he had won my heart by being himself, by being human and perfectly imperfect. I would say how I thought he was the most handsome guy I had met and how much I liked the way he parted his hair which made him look ten times smarter. I would remind him how well I get along with his parents and remind him that his mother loves me as well. I would offer to transfer colleges to be with him. I would tell him I was willing to teach anywhere in the world as long as he kept me by his side. I would say it a million times, that I loved him, more than Juliet loved Romeo.
And then I would kiss him. I would reach for his face and kiss him until he could feel my love deeply buried in his heart . Yes, today was the day I had avoided for three years. I would hold him in my arms and not let go just so I could feel his heart beating for me. I wouldn't let go until-
"Val?" It was him. I was so lost in my thoughts that I never realized when he entered the library and sat next to me.
"Michael! Oh geez you scared me!"
"What on earth were you thinking about?
"Oh, why? It was nothing!" I blushed.
"Yeah...liar. Anyways, next week start our finals, you look very composed by the way. Are you sure you're ok?"
"I'm fine! What makes you think anything is the matter with me? I'm just here sipping my coffee waiting for my class to start."
"My class is canceled today. I got an email from the professor so I was thinking of staying here to catch up on some reading."
"I can..." I hesitated.
"You can what?"
"...Skip" I looked away trying to calm my nerves, avoiding the explosion that was ready to happen.
"Val, don't skip. Why would you do that?"
"Because."
"Because...?"
"Because I can. Because I want to. Because I don't need to go to class today. Because I'm smart. Because I love-" I stopped. My entire face felt on fire. My breaths became thick and heavy. I couldn't believe myself. Here I was about to make the biggest love confession in my life and I couldn't have thought of a worse way to blurt it out, and he just smiled. He put his hand on mine and got so close to my face. He drew so, so close, until our foreheads were touching. I think I literally stopped breathing for what seemed an eternity.
"You love...what?" he whispered. I just stared at him unable to make a single movement. I wanted to pull away, my brain was telling my muscles to move but my muscles were so high on cortisol and dopamine that I could feel them going numb and ignoring my brain. I closed my eyes, unable to continue staring at him. In that moment, I knew that if I didn't say anything, I would die of regret. I opened my mouth so say 'you' when out of nowhere a girl touched his shoulder and called his name. He instantly pulled away.
"Linda, hi! Val, this is Linda. I've been wanting you guys to meet. Linda this is Val. Linda is my-"
"Hi. Nice to meet you." I don't want to hear it, I thought. "Uhm. Michael, I better get going. My class is about to start." It just couldn't be...
Linda. Linda. Who was this Linda with a face so perfect, it looked like Angels had carved it and why did he hold her hand? I had stared at her up and down, searching her for any flaw I could possibly pick up. There was nothing. Her nose was perfect, she had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, the blondest and silkiest hair anyone could want, the most slim figure and the longest eyelashes a girl could desire. Her nails were perfectly manicured, her cupid's bow was perfectly outlined with bright red lipstick. Her cheekbones perfectly contoured her face making her the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life. I grabbed my purse and coffee and walked out of that library as fast as I could. Never in my life had I felt so humiliated and embarrassed so I promised myself never to try that again. I waited for the elevator and found myself crying. They were just tears at first but I could feel a wave of emotions wanting to come out so I ran to the garage, opened my car and cried. I just sat there and cried like a baby. I ugly cried. I wanted to yell and go back to the day I had met him so that I could avoid it completely. After about 15 minutes I wasn't crying anymore, just sighing. I looked in my bag for a mirror to fix my makeup and I found a piece of paper that didn't belong in there. I pulled it out thinking it was trash, but when I opened it, in my heart, I knew the truth.
"Me too" was written in Michael's handwriting.
