Fotografia

SEE...THIS HAPPENED ON SUNDAY!!!

Today I decided that I wasn't sit around while my parents rested. Today was my day off and I wanted to do something but it just seems like Sundays are the kind of days where everyone either has plans or is in a couch potato mood. That is a huge problem about living in the suburbs in a city that sounds amazing on TV and the magazines but in reality, we are the kind of city that Hollywood won't even think about thinking for a next big sucky movie.

Well it just so happens that my mom made it her job to make some things unreachable but my mind works where in those situations, I want to have the unreachable.

Our pictures are in that kind of setting...
They happen to be in a box in a closet with a bunch of crap on top...!!!
Then I regretted going through all that trouble to get my hands on those albums...
There is absolutely no stage of my life, no person or place that I don't remember.

The funny thing is to believe that that girl was me at some point...Like, "OMG, I looked like that!" or "I remember that" and even "Oh yeah, that's her, I know him!"

And I don't believe it...

The worse part was when I bumped into pictures of people who are physically and emotionally absent in my life.

At that split second, when the moment was captured, everyone in that picture was physically there. At that moment, the situation was real. I was there and I remember every detail but it just doesn't feel real. NONE OF IT!!! I feel as if the present me is the only kind of me that ever existed.

I was there...




I WAS THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




I lived that, I felt that, I said that, I did that, and I know it for a fact, I really do!

Everything is that captured moment is real and the people and the things and the place. EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

Then I realized how limited my mind is to present reality.

Topping it off with the fact that I've gone through some major changes physically and emotionally...

Reason why I'm writing this...

Even the songs of the past carry these thoughts that set me down at my childhood. They are part of my past reality.

That is a picture, a past reality that becomes unreal because no matter how hard you try to relive that moment...the longer you stare, the more unreal it will become.



A fake memory that is reality...

Relief

I'm kinda mad at this machine because it keeps acting up... I think it needs a major checkup...

Well today was a good day at service and well just like always it could have been easier but I won't complain.

I think that the best part of today was that I was with a very dear sister and her daughters. I really like them a lot, and just like everyone they all have their slight flaws and whatever but that is not the real reason why I am so happy.

I mean like everyday you find out so many bad things due to our imperfections but in the end it was her words that really made me see things a little bit different. I had already talked to my parents about a recent situation that was making me very unhappy, and even though I can be hard to convince I found a peaceful state of mind in which I could simply just ignore the facts and keep going without wasting my breath.

She just simply made things better.

And she is very right. No matter what everyone says its them killing themselves, not me. So like she said, "Que se maten a pedos". Tough words and nasty too but its the truth.

My life just couldn't get better!

Its a hard time to love
reaching fear
where i dream freadom
i must be silent once more
my words are missing
where everyone speaks
i may be young
yet im not just half
of a plain feeling
im not echo but sound
just a period in the way
what you were once

see me, feel me
i am a reality
not a reflection
and wat i feel is not bad
im just a matter of time
see me, feel me
i am not a dream
im not a mirror
hear me, i am my own extension
im just a matter of time
its a hard time to love
if you make me, i’ll lie
i dont want to hurt you
i must be silent once more
just toughts
because its not time to speak
i may be young
yet im not just half
of a plain feeling
im not echo but sound
just a period in the way
what you were once
feel me, see me
i am a reality
not a reflection

...and wat i feel is not bad...

To the World

This has been the best week of my life!!!!!!!!!!

Its like one day the thought that my fears could change came true and now I live in my head fully inside out waiting.

That is all that is left to do...

Wait.

It is such a simple word but I am not alone in this one. No sir, I am not alone! The voice inside my head is speaking and its telling me not to let go because the smallest mistake can lead me to the one choice that I don't want to make.

And the best part was that I'm not so sure how it happened but it did...and I would like to know how because its driving me crazy trying to figure out how in the world it happened...

Like I said, it just sorta happened without notice.

I wish I could just scream it to the world but I can't...

This is all I have left, my writing and the voice in my head...

Sigh.......................

I'll never leave...and that is a promise to you!

NIneteen Minutes

I just finished reading Nineteen Minutes...

Let me tell you about it!

Nineteen Minutes is a story by Jodi Picoult and takes place in the year 2007. There, you know the important stuff.

Now the real deal...the effect

When I started reading this book I knew it was about a crime and it didn't make any sense whatsoever. I thought it was just going to be one of those loooong books that never end and have a happy ending. I was so wrong.

Now I can't go to school without thinking that I might get shot by a student that get bullied all the time since kindergarten.

I want to know what I would have done in the shoes of the main characters...

And in the end...

The guy who committed the crime also commits suicide. And all because this stupid girl chose to want to be popular!

I love this book and I totally recommend it!

An Update on 3 Things

I got like 3 things in my mind right this second. One being about old people. Another being about women...again, and the last being about fiction.

They all seem to tangle into each other and I keep trying to separate them and I can't. These three ideas have been invading my sleep and therefore I have to walk around like a retarded happy zombie in service and what not.

The slight addition to the family is still on its way to adaption and we think its not gonna last longer than a year or at least we hope so.
What else??? Oh yea! Benjamin Button. I could write a review on that movie but I don't feel like it because I'm too lazy. Here, I give it two thumbs up and four gold stars plus the Oscar for best movie of the month.
That movie has been installing a new fear into my brain as some of you have already been confirmed: the possibility to die without remembering my past and not being able to...well has to do with love but I can't word it out correctly.

Well let's get this over with for once and for ever so I can sleep.

• old people...

I have had the great honor, to have met some of the most amazing old people!.

That's not all about old people. I have seemed to have observe them lately. Its not like I mean it, its just that I can't help noticing that they are old.

Time cought up to them in a millisecond and they have to adapt...without getting depressed...and they still do because they don't like change

But I happen to notice how in these modern times old people don't care. They sleep all the time and they have clumsy habits that of course come with age...and they stop dressing nice...

That really bothers me...

Why stop dressing nice? I don't get it! Its like also, when they hurt themselves, they let the nasty scar appear and they just don't care! I wonder what goes through their minds... could it be that they feel that the fashion industry is just nuts and can't keep up? That they stopped making the clothes they wore? I've seen movies of old people in more revolutionary times and they look clean and they dress nice. Well when I grow old...IF I GROW OLD, I'm gonna dress nice!

• women...grrr

This is my mom's fault and I know it for a fact! I discovered that we are soul mates! IDENTICAL!!!

On women, by now, most of you will have noticed that I limit my relationship with women not because I;m a flirt or boy-crazy but because, I have decided that they are unreliably and backstabbing. Those who have made it and are women are rare if i say so myself because lately I'm complicated to get along with. I'm strange...

There seems to be a road in which all my friendships follow. Its all good at the beginning and I like the person. We talk a lot and hang out and its like they are the best thing around. Then there is like a roadblock in that path and that roadblock is not a nice one. Its an abrupt stop of annoyance. I hate this about me because if people don't get past my annoyance point, then the relationship stops...if they go through it, the friendship grows... AND LATELY NO GIRL HAS GONE THROUGH THAT SPOT!

The truth is that I miss having a best best best best friend. One that I can go up to and do retarded stuff with, one that I can cry my heart out with, one that gives me advice, one that slaps me to my senses, one that shares my likes and dislikes, one that can keep a secret and one who loves Jehovah as much as I do...

• fiction *sigh*
  

Life can be like a fiction story. Its not real but it feels real. The worst part is that in a teenager's life, fitting in is what life will be about and my character likes to fit in but in its own unique way and the line that separates uniqueness and weird is so thin that its almost not even there...

I have the feeling that my character is not doing the amazing things that it could and I hate that. I want to do so much and I just never do. When I was writing my story back in the 8th grade, I stopped because I had to experience some things before I put them on paper and they were good things actually. And now if dont know if I should finish or just leave it...and so on and so forth with like a thousand other things...

It also bugs me when people want the character to do something and the character doesn't do it so the person dislikes the story and hates the character and closes the book.

Fiction is complicated but I want to play it real. Be me, stay me.

Because after all my story has to be about me not me being something I'm not.

Right?