Reasons

Ok so I had no time to type this today...yesterday? Monday! I'd like to get something straight with you spots-lovers. Oh BTW this is the only excused time you get to hate me.

Ok so when I was growing up in Mexico I had one favorite boy cousin who I LOVED playing with! We would play all kinds of games and talk and have lots of fun. I don't actually remember being mad at him or arguing. No... we were friends! Ok so now putting this aside...

In Mexico, PE class is more like calisthenics...like a fitness/exercise class, not sports class. Never was I forced to play with a team or a ball or a goal. It was a fun exercise thing. Sports were played outside of school.

Now back to my cousin.

When we could show off our athletic abilities it would be in a tag game or hide-and-go-seek (the mexican version). Sometimes though, we'd play soccer with an empty plastic 2 liter bottle of coke. BUT! That was more of a kick the bottle between the goalies (is that what its called?) and try to score each other. Of course this was my way of showing off I was not a wimpy girl. I could be though too! That was years ago.

Now let's skip to the more futuristic (well recent) times.

I had a friend who was (is) crazy about soccer. (Plus I grew up watching soccer games every Sunday with my aunts and uncles) so its not like I hated it until this friend showed up. Then there was the forced games of all other sports in P.E. class ever since we moved to Houston and started school there. I hated picking teams! I hated running after a ball! I hate ALL sports balls! GSH!!!! I hate sports! See! I didn't hate them until they forced me to play them and I just don't have the whole eye/body/team/goal coordination.

My equation:
vale+sports= - atletic ability/no coordination
or
v+s= -A/nC
they balance out perfectly...

I even developed my own theory on sports but because this is a public blog and I like my friends, if you want to know, ask me. I'd be glad to tell you how homos, balls and spots tie up.( oh and if you ask you can't get mad!)

The Saints..............
Yes, I watched the Super Bowl starting on the 3rd quarter (I can't believe that I knew there were four quarters). This though was only because my dear Algebra teacher was sooo crazy about the Saints playing (duh! she's from New Orleans!) and because everyone talks about the commercials. So basically it was a coincidence. I went for the Saints because everyone that was cool went for them so I figured they were cool. Good thing they won. I got carried away at one point but no one who was watching the game with us seemed to either care or be as exited. No fun people. So I started to try to share some excitement... BAD FEEDBACK

(JERKS!!!!!!!!!)

Another reason why I hate sports...guys turn into jerks!!!

Sigh... I'm gonna go read!

The Unspeakable

Today is Tuesday

Ok, well that was a pretty good start for a blog that I am not so sure how I am exactly going to word. See, if I decide to just lay the facts the way that they are spread in my mind at this moment, some people might take it personal and that is not the case because I am not in bad terms with anyone.

In fact I'm doing very well if I may say so myself.

I am just not as happy as I wish I were.


Many moons ago I wrote a blog about gaining certain...things that are by nature mine and are also by nature stripped from me.

Well on that aspect I have come to realize a few other things that well never work out for me. As a matter of fact its planning.
I can't ever plan anything because I am easily let down. ( This is the part people will read and freak...don't please. not yet). Many times and I really mean MANY times, I have been told to not care. I don't. I am by now used to it and therefore I do say I do not care. (This is why you reader should not freak)

To widen our horizons is not typically my idea. Remember I don't like idealists.

I don't mean to blame this on anyone but myself because I let others control me (note* I do not intend to victimize myself ). It is as easy as that and I do mean this with my heart. I love my friends. All of you. Each and every single one of you have qualities that I sometimes wish I could have and some that I wish I could discard. But...there is a but.

A tiny but

A tinsy winsy itti bitty but

I put up with it. I cannot rely on anyone. I am so sorry.

For those who have the opinion of me as the one lacking patience I tell you now that that would be inaccurate. I have a lot of patience but I am human and therefore my patience is limited so when things keep happening over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over .... you get the point? See how annoying that is?

I mean its like...c'on!

SO THEN I EXPLODE!

Looks like this...

KABOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What typically looks like I just yelled at you. I didn't. I'm sorry.

Over time people have put me down and let me down and I just don't know how else to protect myself. I absorb things for a while. And that is the problem because I should just let it go but I can't. Its like if I let anyone get too close and in my space I have this feeling at the back of my head saying "omg!" and when I do yell its my only way of saying "stop! you are hurting me! please don't leave!"

I am not the kind of girl that comes up to you and tells you "oh...honey...that looks horrible on you!" because I am a 'good friend'. There is a line between honesty and rudeness. I have my limits. Boundries. Walls. Forts. Whatever you decide to call it, its there and its really easy to tumble it. I should just keep things in my head where they are safe and not listen to anyone. I have one friend and only ONE that I will always listen to and reader, it is not you. I'm sorry.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm weak. SO DON'T ABUSE IT! I CAN BE MEAN!!!!!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ok. I'm hungry now.

About Cooking

I'm sick. I'm not super sick but it's bad enough to keep me home. Oh well, I had fun yesterday. Actually it's been a pretty good month for me. It hasn't been super dandy but I would give it an 8 (actually, there is a specific day that I would definitely rate as 10+++++). Hopefully if things go as planned my December '09 will be a 10 month.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone else reads this. I used to have more readers and I think I'm going to do what I used to do when I had a lot of readers. Maybe I can get some ratings again. Well, actually I blog because I know eventually if I die, all my thoughts will be recorded somewhere and I will be remembered somehow. This morning I couldn't breath. I was like...OMG I am going to die. Then I realized that I had been wanting to write about this one specific thing and I said...NO wait I can't die yet. I have to write About Cooking ( I don't write anything that I haven't titled before)

My head hurts...

Oh and also I still need 5 hours to complete my pioneering and I have like... 2 days left? So I can RIP after that too. Other wise I will be in debt.

Oh Man! I ran out of tea...

Ok so About Cooking. This is not the typical blog because actually there will soon be more understanding to my blogs and I am not so sure how I feel about that. Sometimes I would like to keep things MORE secret. But then again...I don't have any secrets. They hurt me and eventually other people so I try not to have them. (right special friend? wink wink)

A few days ago when the city died because it was Christmas, we were stuck at home watching *achoo* watching movies. One of the movies was Julia & Julie. Ladies, if you have not seen this movie but you don't like cooking and writing then I suggest you don't watch it. You will not like it. Guys...don't watch it either. Its one of those movies that is only good for a certain group of people and only that certain group can relate to it. I do.

A while ago I was thinking what married life would be like. Yea Yeah. I know. I am still 16 (soon oh so very soon 17!!!) and therefore I should not be thinking that; BUT I have been planning my adult life since I could speak. And that happened when I was one because I was a smart baby.

So at the age of literally one, I was planning what I wanted to be and who I wanted to marry and where I would live and what kind of kids I would have and how I would raise them and all that corny stuff girls think about at SOME point.

I didn't really understand this concept until I started to be around newlyweds, which totally changed my conception of things. Besides the fact that I have changed with time and I think I have reached a point where I'm comfortable. I still think about the corny stuff but I also think about the realis *sniff grunt sniff*
I think about the realism of the situation. MY mother says that the first year of marriage is the hardest because you are trying to get used to each other and some PEOPLE say that marriage life is only happiness, depending on the couple, for up to five years.

So I wonder how couples make it to 25...

I like cooking a lot and I could do so many great things if I had the budget and if I didn't have a little bee next to me telling me that I'm doing things wrong (WHICH IM NOT!- just to clarify) and then eventually taking over and messing things up big time...*sniff*

I also like writing. I have big plans to improve it and also to master description and such other things but according to some experts I am good. (not intending to brag...)

My life just seems to be in a more Witness way like Julia & Julie.

Update on Age

I used to not pop my fingers and just before I started typing this I did. Nine out of ten of my fingers made that killer sound that I try to avoid convinced that it will deform my knuckles. The tips of my fingers are icy cold but I mean it is winter so I can't expect less and much even worse is the fact that I have to go pee and I just won't because if I lift my booty from this chair, Ilse, will get her booty off the bed in which she is texting and replace my booty with her booty on this chair. I have marks of stress coming out due to the fact that we just had our finals this week and to be honest, I disagree with the world. Junior year is not the hardest year of High School. So far, I've been taking it easy and it has worked, even through my procrastination habits.

I don't know. I mean I do but I don't. I haven't written anything here that is not a poem or a vision of my dreams. More like I've focused on other things, people and situations and I am trying to figure out the way I feel about them and I just never seem to get to the bottom of the well.

It just keeps getting deeper.

A classmate was telling me of her misfortune with guys and her parents and we came to the conclusion that we, as teens, will never come to an agreement with out parents because we don't have kids.

On the radio, this man, the radio man, read something worth meditation. He was talking about age and the way people actually functioned rather than the way we think we function.

• Kids don't learn to be kids until after they have been kids, teens dont ever learn to understand themselves until after they have been teens, parents never learn to be parents until they have aged and the elderly don't learn to live until they have already lived through the worse.

I happen to agree.

There seems to be another complexion on certain events as well. As some of you readers have noticed, I do happen to have certain trust issues. Not like I don't trust people, more like I trust the wrong people therefore choosing not to trust anyone at all. Its not personal. Its a girl thing.

Its not that I don't like being a girl, because I do, Its what comes with being a 16-year old girl that I hate. And I am not talking about That.

Ok. I have to take this call.

Paradise in Your Eyes

• I lay in your arms asleep. You find your way into my dreams and holding my hand you lead the way. You take me thorough a path of petals as the sun sets on our backs and the moonlight begins to embrace us. The stars come out to play and tickle us with their twinkle. The warmth of the night is captured in your eyes, glistening with joy. There is a breeze that dances with the lake and the obscurity of time is faded yet you remain. The sweet essence around you wraps me into a golden feeling. A precious emotion that only you can draw inside of me, so valuable and rare. A new me was revived and of a heavy shadow you drew me out to this marvelous land. This is my paradise. The whisper of the trees carry the story of our future. The clouds in the sky take away all our sorrows. In the depths of my heart, I feel this environment bringing you closer. It is the assurance of morning as well and the coming of night that preserve our love. It's incomplete without the other. The beauty of each draws them together. I wake to see you staring at me. There is that smile that you give me and those eyes that assure me your love. You kiss my forehead as you hold on to me forever giving completion to my life.

Dancing in the Sky...

It was just a thought. One that I kept in my head. I looked up at the moon and absorbed your presence. When I saw the stars, I looked at the shimmer in your eyes that speak those words that only you and I know.

Then you asked me why

Well why not? It's you.

It is because you weren't afraid.
Because you make me laugh.
Because you wipe my tears.
Because you hold my hand when I'm afraid.
Because you never lie.
Because you gave me your friendship.
Because you trust me.
Because you teach me.
Because you advice me.
Because you care for me.
Because you make me reason.
Because you care for me.
Because you didn't let me go.
Because you want to be with me.
Because you're not easily tempered.
Because you are smart.
Because you make wise choices.
Because you enjoy life.
Because you are not judgmental.
Because you are not embarrassed.
Because I can look up to you.
Because you're ready to help.
Because you have disposition.
Because you defend the truth.
Because you're careful not to mess up.
Because you learn from your mistakes.
Because you give respect.
Because you are humble.
Because you are kind.
Because you are patient and give me your time.
Because you try to understand.
Because you try your best.
Because you lead the way.
Because you are sweet.
Because you embrace your surroundings.
Because you know when is the right time.
Because you let me keep up.
Because you decided to wait at all costs.
Because you love me unconditionally...

Meaning no matter what..
Meaning all the time...

Because you let me love you.





NOVEMBER 2ND, 2009

BY: Pink Lady

Please Come Home

Sometimes, as I lay in bed waiting, I think. I'm not afraid to write this because no one will read it and bother to comment. I blog hoping someone will read it and care; but bloggers don't get that a lot because everything here is really an inside view on circumstances. The path that I stand in is not easy. I could simply not care and keep waiting. That's what we all do in general. We wait. We can wait a whole lifetime but things will keep changing. People change, ideas change, situations change, and feelings change. When it seems like the wait is over, something new will arise.

I wait.

• I wait every night gripping to my last piece of hope. That's the one thing I haven't lost.

I don't lose hope because I care. I care because there is hope. I think about a hundred ways things could be different. How in a way I am happy but could be happier. How going far away and starting over could be ideal.

• I hate idealistic people simply because they are part of a world consisting of unreal things.

I really wish we could see things differently. Be more lenient not so focused. There are things that by nature are more important. Things and people and situations that matter far more than others. Sad to think though that not all are easily granted. I want to think its for the best. I want to accept is as a protection. I want to see it as fear of losing. I want to believe it is an avoidance for criticism. But these things I don't care for, I despise them as much as I can possibly bear in my wits.

I don't think I'm meant to be governed by individuals who don't share my insight look on reality. Their minds are solely based on criticism and a lifestyle not lived. It is a lot harder because I know that being me is something I plainly don't wish anyone to be. It's dramatic. Dramatic hurts. The different angles you see are just reflections of bad decisions which I know I won't take. I'm not a child for sure. I'm independent.

Period.

Think of me as a bunch of just talk no action and you will find yourself in a big dilemma. Say what you want I know who I am. Sad to say that there is always someone worse than us. I could be dying or even worse, I could be in the world. Well I was already in the world. I know the lifestyle, the customs and beliefs. I see it everyday. I live in it and I know I'm not that bad but until the forty one million two hundred ninety nine thousand two hundred seconds of waiting are over, I promise to not rest in peace. I'll just wait. Hope and believe that it will come and when it does, I'll be free and happy forever.