Writing brings back memories; so does reading.
This last weekend I was stuck home doing nothing productive and I decided to dig in my bookshelf. My mistake. I found this notebook from freshman year and I'm going to tell you all about it because what are the chances that anyone will read this besides maybe the girl who cried wolf? My freshman year was not my biggest mistake but it was my most dramatic year. I met a lot of people that year that I love to death but I also met some that I wish didn't even exist. Yes that is horrible but I can't help the way I feel right now. Right now. Right now is a moment when I feel as if every waterfall had been turned upside down, as if gravity had reversed the flow of the river and everything was going the opposite direction. Right now I want to jump off an airplane and let gravity suck me into the depths of this miserable Earth. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound suicidal or anything of the sort.
Four year ago, I was a lost freshman who had no experience in anything. I trusted EVERYONE and thought EVERYONE was the nicest. I wanted to be friends with EVERYONE. Of course anyone that knows me well enough now knows that I'm the most cynical person ever. I really was so naive that the word is a fraction of a description of how stupid I was. I'm going to be honest and say that I felt something very close to love that year and I know that I also learned what it was to lose something in a second.
One. Second. Now. I. Have. It. Now. Its. Gone.
That spiral that I found in my bookshelf has a story to tell about three friends. Three friends that stood by each other and adviced each other and loved each other with a friendship that was so honest and clean. We each had our ways of trying to figure out one thing; love. In between all the drama, catfights, and gossip, we learned to hate each other. We didn't mean to, it just happened. It went kind of like this: a child is told to move because he's about to get run over by a car but the child thinks he's too smart and can wait until the last second to move. Oops, too late.
The time that I spent with those two other girls made me learn to respect one of them only. Just one. Why? Because she was sincere. She never lied to get attention or told me crazy money stories. Forgiving is one thing, trust is another.
I won't use the whole cliche of "I forgave you but the scar reminds me of what you did" because its stupid. Here's what worries me, that a friend turns into a backstabber. What would be the one thing that would shatter me beyond pieces??? Not that I may find out that a backstabber can turn people into more backstabbers, but that a friend was not really a friend after all.
I like that word. BACKSTABBERS! It sounds funny in my mouth.
Well, I read back and can only see the good stuff and smile for a second. Too bad it turned out to be a dirty little lie, otherwise, we'd still be the three musketeers. On the other hand this just goes to prove that even though I've been 18 for 4 days, I still don't feel like an adult.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Dreadful Two Hours
Dominique had spent so many summers and winters, surrounding herself with people in order to feel alone,that the experiment of actual solitude was an enchantment to her and a betrayal into a weakness she had never allowed herself: the weakness of enjoying it. she stretched her arms and let them drop lazily, feeling a sweet, drowsy heaviness above her elbows, as after a first drink. She was conscious of her summer dresses, she felt her knees, her thighs encountering the faint resistance of cloth when she moved, and it made her conscious not of the cloth, but of her knees and thighs.
She saw his mouth and the silent contempt in the shape of his mouth; the planes of his gaunt, hollow cheeks; the cold, pure brilliance of the eyes that had no trace of pity. She knew it was the most beautiful face she would ever see, because it was the abstraction of strength made visible. She felt a convulsion of anger, of protest of resistance-and of pleasure. He stood looking up at her; it was not a glace, but an a act of ownership. She thought she must let her face give him the answer it deserved. But she was looking, instead, at the stone dust on his burned arms, the wet shirt slinging to his ribs, the lines of his long legs. She was thinking of those statues of men she had always sought...She saw him looking at her as if he knew that. She thought she had found an aim in life-a sudden, sweeping hatred for that man.
She felt anger, a satisfying anger because it was cold and certain. She felt also a desire to let her skin touch his; to let the length of her bare arms press against the length of his; just that; the desire went no further.
-The Fountainhead
By Ayn Rand
I think its pretty obvious that I feel the way that the above character does in the novel that we are currently reading in my English class. Funny think because out of anyone in that book, I hate her. Yesterday, we went to a neighboring congo and to be honest, I really liked it. I learned that people that are humble are nicer. I should be more humble. Plus my daddy did really good on his talk. There was one thing that really bothered me though. They got my dad's last name wrong and for those two hours, we were Mendez.
Here's the deal: MENDOZA!!!
She saw his mouth and the silent contempt in the shape of his mouth; the planes of his gaunt, hollow cheeks; the cold, pure brilliance of the eyes that had no trace of pity. She knew it was the most beautiful face she would ever see, because it was the abstraction of strength made visible. She felt a convulsion of anger, of protest of resistance-and of pleasure. He stood looking up at her; it was not a glace, but an a act of ownership. She thought she must let her face give him the answer it deserved. But she was looking, instead, at the stone dust on his burned arms, the wet shirt slinging to his ribs, the lines of his long legs. She was thinking of those statues of men she had always sought...She saw him looking at her as if he knew that. She thought she had found an aim in life-a sudden, sweeping hatred for that man.
She felt anger, a satisfying anger because it was cold and certain. She felt also a desire to let her skin touch his; to let the length of her bare arms press against the length of his; just that; the desire went no further.
-The Fountainhead
By Ayn Rand
I think its pretty obvious that I feel the way that the above character does in the novel that we are currently reading in my English class. Funny think because out of anyone in that book, I hate her. Yesterday, we went to a neighboring congo and to be honest, I really liked it. I learned that people that are humble are nicer. I should be more humble. Plus my daddy did really good on his talk. There was one thing that really bothered me though. They got my dad's last name wrong and for those two hours, we were Mendez.
Here's the deal: MENDOZA!!!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Jackrabbit Street
This week I was talking to an old friend and I realized something that I had never thought of before. Since basically we teens make things "fashion", I realized that being teens going into adulthood makes us more aware of things. This thing, I wonder though, if its really something to be aware of or just mere fashion. Lately I think people take friendships for granted and friends no longer exist, just the thought of a friendship. We are not friends, we are acquaintances. In my personal opinion, this is dumb. because I'd think an acquiantance is someone that I have in class or that I've had like two very AMAZING conversations with. But that is not what I am here to write about. Before I get to what I am here for, I have to say that I've become cynical. I refuse to fall in the crowd and be mediocre but I can say one thing for sure; we are all selfish.
Ok now to my point. What I am about to say comes straight from the heart and is the truth and nothing but the truth.
I have very few FRIENDS. And I literally mean FRIENDS. Friend as in the way that Webster defines it: one attached to another by affection or esteem. But I'm here to talk about ONE very special and dear friend whose friendship I value like gold.
This friend I met three years ago. It was April and our convention had just finished. I was having a conversation when this group of kids (LOL) approached us. Two boys and a girl. The girl I thought was very pretty and I liked her purple dress. She seemed nice in a way that not a lot of people are and I liked her pleasantness. She wasn't there very long but I can remember this very well only because of the events that followed our encounter (which are irrelevant to this blog).
It took a year for us to hang out. We don't see each other often, but, what I think makes this friendship special is the reliance that we have on each other. This girl is not just beautiful, she has an incredibly unique personality and that is truly something that I admire. She is one of the few people that I look up to and can't wait till our next hangout. With tears in our eyes, we have gone through some really hard times and we have laughed our butts off to the dumbest things. Her strength as a woman has helped cheer up a lot of her girls and even me at times.
One time, I was reading something silly and it said something like " BFF, when we are old, we'll be chasing each other in the nursing home in our wheelchairs". Well if we get to that age, that will be us. There is so much I can learn from her because even if she doesn't know, she'll learn. No matter how sad this world gets, her smile is just like the hope for a better tomorrow. I KNOW this is my friend (and if you're gonna tell me we're acquaintances I'll personally drive to your house with a bat!!!)
My dear Abby Love. My friend at heart. My sister. My Love :P
Ok now to my point. What I am about to say comes straight from the heart and is the truth and nothing but the truth.
I have very few FRIENDS. And I literally mean FRIENDS. Friend as in the way that Webster defines it: one attached to another by affection or esteem. But I'm here to talk about ONE very special and dear friend whose friendship I value like gold.
This friend I met three years ago. It was April and our convention had just finished. I was having a conversation when this group of kids (LOL) approached us. Two boys and a girl. The girl I thought was very pretty and I liked her purple dress. She seemed nice in a way that not a lot of people are and I liked her pleasantness. She wasn't there very long but I can remember this very well only because of the events that followed our encounter (which are irrelevant to this blog).
It took a year for us to hang out. We don't see each other often, but, what I think makes this friendship special is the reliance that we have on each other. This girl is not just beautiful, she has an incredibly unique personality and that is truly something that I admire. She is one of the few people that I look up to and can't wait till our next hangout. With tears in our eyes, we have gone through some really hard times and we have laughed our butts off to the dumbest things. Her strength as a woman has helped cheer up a lot of her girls and even me at times.
One time, I was reading something silly and it said something like " BFF, when we are old, we'll be chasing each other in the nursing home in our wheelchairs". Well if we get to that age, that will be us. There is so much I can learn from her because even if she doesn't know, she'll learn. No matter how sad this world gets, her smile is just like the hope for a better tomorrow. I KNOW this is my friend (and if you're gonna tell me we're acquaintances I'll personally drive to your house with a bat!!!)
My dear Abby Love. My friend at heart. My sister. My Love :P
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Books don't teach everything, Neither does life.
I am not happy today. In fact, very lately I find myself thinking about stuff that makes me upset. The way I see things and analyze just about everything, has given me, literally, a stomach ache. I have not been able to go a single day without my stomach feeling gross and nervous. To be honest, it's very annoying, not because of the things I think about, but because of the effect that I imagine these things will have on my actions. There is one thing about me that I don't understand. It is am intriguing flaw and quality of my character that I question everyday; such a thing, is the thing that makes me wonder how ok is my sanity.
Today is one day, like many others, that I woke up, went to school, listened to an annoying lecture, fought my french class, read, kicked to Justin Beiber's I Just Need Somebody to Love, took a quiz, dissected a brain, filed some papers, took insult to one of my opinions, came home, checked my Facebook, read some stuff and now I'm up to this point. My anger. I really don't think that I have anger issues. I think I am very calm, in fact, I know I am patient. I'll admit however that when I lose it, its bad and I don't let go of it for a while. The thing is that I don't usually lose my head. There are ways, however, to make me lose it very, very fast. The latest of all is people's ignorance.
So like I said today, I took offense in one of my opinions, and this is what I came here to analyze. Sometimes, mostly lately, I look at a person and a voice inside my head goes, Who are you?, even though I've been knowing that person forever. Sometimes, its not forever, but I still think, Who are you? We've been studying the brain in anatomy and I have not stopped to be amazed by its capabilities( If I were to be a doctor, I'd be a neurologist).
Here's the way I see it.
Can anyone criticize the way another person feels or thinks?
Back in grammar school, they taught me that there are two ways to differentiate two things. Fact and opinion. Facts are supported by proof. Opinions aren't. So why must opinions be a matter of argument? The only things that are important in life are facts. Here are a few facts on life: We are born, we grow, we reproduce, we age, and we die. Everything else is just a matter of opinion; the way we are raised, the way we grow, the way one chooses to reproduce, what we do in life and what we make out of life. Why? Because everyone has a different opinion in the way that these things should be done. That is all an opinion is; a thought on what something should be.
Here's something else, this is about me. I don't consider myself to be super smart. I do however, acknowledge that I have a sense of intelligence. The way that I have acquired my intelligence is absolutely irrelevant. Why then, must I be judged by the latter? No one cares where we learned things as long as they are learned correctly. Forming my own opinions should not be a trivial matter. I admit that the way I think is neither wrong or right and it is not influenced by my knowledge. The way I think is just a reflection of FACTS. I'm very realistic and I say things how they are. Of course, I think before I say things. Thinking faster though, has been of my benefit. I am always thinking and I hate myself for it because I question a lot of things.I am an Interpersonal thinker. If I want things to go a certain way, I am the only product that can influence the result. Will it happen? I don't know. What does all this have to do with me being smart? Absolutely NOTHING! I am not smart because I read. I am smart because I listen and look for facts; even if the facts are hurtful.
My latest lesson in life that I, myself, am still trying to accept, is that the truth hurts but we have to accept it anyways. Nothing lasts forever, and that is just another fact.
Today is one day, like many others, that I woke up, went to school, listened to an annoying lecture, fought my french class, read, kicked to Justin Beiber's I Just Need Somebody to Love, took a quiz, dissected a brain, filed some papers, took insult to one of my opinions, came home, checked my Facebook, read some stuff and now I'm up to this point. My anger. I really don't think that I have anger issues. I think I am very calm, in fact, I know I am patient. I'll admit however that when I lose it, its bad and I don't let go of it for a while. The thing is that I don't usually lose my head. There are ways, however, to make me lose it very, very fast. The latest of all is people's ignorance.
So like I said today, I took offense in one of my opinions, and this is what I came here to analyze. Sometimes, mostly lately, I look at a person and a voice inside my head goes, Who are you?, even though I've been knowing that person forever. Sometimes, its not forever, but I still think, Who are you? We've been studying the brain in anatomy and I have not stopped to be amazed by its capabilities( If I were to be a doctor, I'd be a neurologist).
Here's the way I see it.
Can anyone criticize the way another person feels or thinks?
Back in grammar school, they taught me that there are two ways to differentiate two things. Fact and opinion. Facts are supported by proof. Opinions aren't. So why must opinions be a matter of argument? The only things that are important in life are facts. Here are a few facts on life: We are born, we grow, we reproduce, we age, and we die. Everything else is just a matter of opinion; the way we are raised, the way we grow, the way one chooses to reproduce, what we do in life and what we make out of life. Why? Because everyone has a different opinion in the way that these things should be done. That is all an opinion is; a thought on what something should be.
Here's something else, this is about me. I don't consider myself to be super smart. I do however, acknowledge that I have a sense of intelligence. The way that I have acquired my intelligence is absolutely irrelevant. Why then, must I be judged by the latter? No one cares where we learned things as long as they are learned correctly. Forming my own opinions should not be a trivial matter. I admit that the way I think is neither wrong or right and it is not influenced by my knowledge. The way I think is just a reflection of FACTS. I'm very realistic and I say things how they are. Of course, I think before I say things. Thinking faster though, has been of my benefit. I am always thinking and I hate myself for it because I question a lot of things.I am an Interpersonal thinker. If I want things to go a certain way, I am the only product that can influence the result. Will it happen? I don't know. What does all this have to do with me being smart? Absolutely NOTHING! I am not smart because I read. I am smart because I listen and look for facts; even if the facts are hurtful.
My latest lesson in life that I, myself, am still trying to accept, is that the truth hurts but we have to accept it anyways. Nothing lasts forever, and that is just another fact.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Lost Days of Honor
I am inspired to write.
I just finished one of the most interesting novels of all time. To me it is one of the greatest love stories and no one can change my mind. It arises a question in me. What happened to those days when men devoted themselves to women? Oh, I know. Women achieved equality. Well, although that is fine and dandy, something was amiss. Our feelings. Us women were so selfish with ourselves that we forgot that we had this strong will within us. It is a power that drives us. That power that does not require men. I'd like to call it our charm. Very seldom can a man refuse a girl's charm, not saying it is impossible, but it is true. I think men and women can very well live without each other if they don't care to procreate. However, we complete each other. Love is this one fishy little thing that not a lot of people can understand because they let it die. Yes, love is a thing that dies. It not only dies, it kills. I can think of so many examples of people that have died for love. My goodness!
Love is a gift that is exchanged between a man and a woman. So, how come it dies? It used to be that men were chivalrous and, to my point of view, that was possibly when women were better treated. When a man offers absolutely everything to a woman, the woman gives back in return. They complement each other. Yeah, back then, women were seen as creatures that only bore children. But women also proved themselves to be worthy of a lot more and therefore earning respect. When did love turn into something so dirty and sexual? Its something to abhor.
Beauty was something that one was born with, I mean, it still is, but a lot can be done to improve nowadays. See, what I think is that women have become false; treacherous creatures scheming against each other. All that was valuable is lost. We are treated as equals in society to make us independent of the opposite sex. So when it comes to love, it is harder to find that spark.
Lost are the days when little was too much and people were content with enough.
There are rare cases that the latter does not happen. A man and a woman can be passionately in love and give everything to each other. The man will devote to the woman and the woman in return will please her husband. Beautiful lives in which even the smallest amounts of product are sufficient. Men don't have quests and fight for honor. I really think that is where the problem lies. There is no honor. Men have turned their backs to everything that is respectable in a woman because his honor is not at stake. And there is no one to avenge the honor of women either. We stand alone.
How pitiful. It is as if love had lost its purity. Nothing is done out of great deed. No need to train for anything. Oh goodness. I feel as if I am losing faith in humans alone and in love. Every one says that to love someone and to be in love with someone are very different. But the truth is that if you are going to love someone, there has to be more than just love. Love is not everything.
I stand a hopeless romantic.
I just finished one of the most interesting novels of all time. To me it is one of the greatest love stories and no one can change my mind. It arises a question in me. What happened to those days when men devoted themselves to women? Oh, I know. Women achieved equality. Well, although that is fine and dandy, something was amiss. Our feelings. Us women were so selfish with ourselves that we forgot that we had this strong will within us. It is a power that drives us. That power that does not require men. I'd like to call it our charm. Very seldom can a man refuse a girl's charm, not saying it is impossible, but it is true. I think men and women can very well live without each other if they don't care to procreate. However, we complete each other. Love is this one fishy little thing that not a lot of people can understand because they let it die. Yes, love is a thing that dies. It not only dies, it kills. I can think of so many examples of people that have died for love. My goodness!
Love is a gift that is exchanged between a man and a woman. So, how come it dies? It used to be that men were chivalrous and, to my point of view, that was possibly when women were better treated. When a man offers absolutely everything to a woman, the woman gives back in return. They complement each other. Yeah, back then, women were seen as creatures that only bore children. But women also proved themselves to be worthy of a lot more and therefore earning respect. When did love turn into something so dirty and sexual? Its something to abhor.
Beauty was something that one was born with, I mean, it still is, but a lot can be done to improve nowadays. See, what I think is that women have become false; treacherous creatures scheming against each other. All that was valuable is lost. We are treated as equals in society to make us independent of the opposite sex. So when it comes to love, it is harder to find that spark.
Lost are the days when little was too much and people were content with enough.
There are rare cases that the latter does not happen. A man and a woman can be passionately in love and give everything to each other. The man will devote to the woman and the woman in return will please her husband. Beautiful lives in which even the smallest amounts of product are sufficient. Men don't have quests and fight for honor. I really think that is where the problem lies. There is no honor. Men have turned their backs to everything that is respectable in a woman because his honor is not at stake. And there is no one to avenge the honor of women either. We stand alone.
How pitiful. It is as if love had lost its purity. Nothing is done out of great deed. No need to train for anything. Oh goodness. I feel as if I am losing faith in humans alone and in love. Every one says that to love someone and to be in love with someone are very different. But the truth is that if you are going to love someone, there has to be more than just love. Love is not everything.
I stand a hopeless romantic.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Accomplished Happiness
Today is Monday December 27, 2010. That means that in four days it will no longer be 2010. It will be the year 2011, the year my class graduates and we become big kids that go to college and have lives. I feel so old. A long time ago, this one person I'd like to call my best friend, told me that as time goes by, time goes by faster, and the faster it went by, the more I would realize that I was maturing...or something like that...or maybe it was something like, the faster time seemed to go by the more adult I'd become. The point is that I'm beginning to feel the words hunting me. All of a sudden I'm not five years old, and I wonder, WHERE DID ALL THAT TIME GO?!
The new and improved me is still human though. I have a hard time reaching my goals, mostly because I don't always have the encouragement that I would like to get. So all of a sudden I feel as if I must buckle up and get it together to do what I want...alone. I really have no problem doing it by myself, as long as I don't bump into the whole you can't do that until I go with you. Then I feel like poop on toast...
However, after so much begging and show of interest, I finally achieved my ultimate goal. Three weeks ago, I visited the French congregation for the first time after two years of wanting to go. I can't drive ALONE so I have to depend on my parents to do that because no one else was willing to take me. There were a few offers but they were a little young to my parent's standards. The other thing that I'm really happy about is that I have a pupil. I've always wanted to teach this little girl something because when I see her, I see myself. I cannot even begin to describe how smart she is and how quickly she learns. She just gets things on the spot no matter how difficult they are. For her age she is just amazing! Hence the fact that I think she is like me (NO BRAGGING INTENDED). She is the mirror image of me when I was a child. I love this girl to death and I do not ever want to lose any contact with her. I can stop talking to the whole world, just not her.
Like many people who were amazed when they found out I was learning french, she asked me to say something. It all started with me telling her J'ai mal a la gorge (IDK how to put the accent on the a). Her mom came up to me and complained how she couldn't get her and the girl's little sister to stop saying J'ai mal a la gorge. To the poor mother it was an annoyance. But the girl soon started to ask more things. The more she asked, the more she liked the language. Eventually, when I did go to the French congregation, she came along as well. Everyone is so nice there and very welcoming. So unlike what my friend described it as...definitely they are not critical...
Well yesterday, I did what I felt has been the most grand accomplishment ever. I gave my first comment in French. And not only one, but two, and in my own words! Of course I felt as if my heart would burst out of my chest and my legs were shaking and I was breathless and all these other crazy feelings, but I did so well. I found out alone that I'm no so bad. I'm actually kinda good...I believe I AM REALLY GOOD. I don't need anyone to put me down, so I bring myself up.
Lately I've had to do a lot of bringing myself up. Like this big knot in my chest was tied and its really tangled so I have to undo it. It really feels great to do something right and specially something that I've been wanting to do for so long. The best part was that I didn't need anyone. I did it alone. I know what I want and what I have to do to get it. I will do it.
On the other hand however, I discovered that some people really have the audacity to carry out some really crazy and uncalled for things. Then again I suppose that is what makes them stupid.
The new and improved me is still human though. I have a hard time reaching my goals, mostly because I don't always have the encouragement that I would like to get. So all of a sudden I feel as if I must buckle up and get it together to do what I want...alone. I really have no problem doing it by myself, as long as I don't bump into the whole you can't do that until I go with you. Then I feel like poop on toast...
However, after so much begging and show of interest, I finally achieved my ultimate goal. Three weeks ago, I visited the French congregation for the first time after two years of wanting to go. I can't drive ALONE so I have to depend on my parents to do that because no one else was willing to take me. There were a few offers but they were a little young to my parent's standards. The other thing that I'm really happy about is that I have a pupil. I've always wanted to teach this little girl something because when I see her, I see myself. I cannot even begin to describe how smart she is and how quickly she learns. She just gets things on the spot no matter how difficult they are. For her age she is just amazing! Hence the fact that I think she is like me (NO BRAGGING INTENDED). She is the mirror image of me when I was a child. I love this girl to death and I do not ever want to lose any contact with her. I can stop talking to the whole world, just not her.
Like many people who were amazed when they found out I was learning french, she asked me to say something. It all started with me telling her J'ai mal a la gorge (IDK how to put the accent on the a). Her mom came up to me and complained how she couldn't get her and the girl's little sister to stop saying J'ai mal a la gorge. To the poor mother it was an annoyance. But the girl soon started to ask more things. The more she asked, the more she liked the language. Eventually, when I did go to the French congregation, she came along as well. Everyone is so nice there and very welcoming. So unlike what my friend described it as...definitely they are not critical...
Well yesterday, I did what I felt has been the most grand accomplishment ever. I gave my first comment in French. And not only one, but two, and in my own words! Of course I felt as if my heart would burst out of my chest and my legs were shaking and I was breathless and all these other crazy feelings, but I did so well. I found out alone that I'm no so bad. I'm actually kinda good...I believe I AM REALLY GOOD. I don't need anyone to put me down, so I bring myself up.
Lately I've had to do a lot of bringing myself up. Like this big knot in my chest was tied and its really tangled so I have to undo it. It really feels great to do something right and specially something that I've been wanting to do for so long. The best part was that I didn't need anyone. I did it alone. I know what I want and what I have to do to get it. I will do it.
On the other hand however, I discovered that some people really have the audacity to carry out some really crazy and uncalled for things. Then again I suppose that is what makes them stupid.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
A Boy, An Exemption and A stupid Girl
My status last night was well...not happy. Not sad. I was angry. But angry as in I can't breath. Angry as in I feel used. Angry as in FML. Angry like this
Rooaaaarrrrrr
Just because I don't feel like analyzing the situation right now to a point where I can take out some logic, I'm just gonna state the facts.
Rooaaaarrrrrr
Just because I don't feel like analyzing the situation right now to a point where I can take out some logic, I'm just gonna state the facts.
Note to the reader: Every “!!!!!!!!!!!” stands for an ugly word I am thinking of. Reader, fill in the blank at your own risk and desire.
Issue Number One
1. In a hypothetical situation, a friendship can be saved if both parts are willing to contribute. Of course, not all situations can be saved but in my case, I realized too late I couldn’t save a friendship. I made every kind of effort to just SAVE THE MOST !!!!!!! MINIMAL AMOUNT OF THAT STUPID FRIENDSHIP!!! I really did try it all. I tried to change, to give up, to stop doing things, to keep doing things, to stop saying things, to keep saying things, to avoid people, to befriend people, to not get angry, to be patient, literally, I TRIED IT ALL. But all this trying made me unhappy. So unhappy that I was making my friend unhappy. So in the end, the friendship had to die. Kind of like back in the medieval times when a horse got injured in battle, they killed them to stop the horse’s suffering. My mom calls it tiro de gracia, literally, a graceful (thankful) shot. However, when I am accused of not being fair and not having done anything to save the friendship, now that is a big slap in the face. I realized how little my work was being appreciated and how much my friend noticed my unhappiness. Yesterday when I got that !!!!!!!!!!!!! accusation, I literally felt like the end of the world came to me. So in all fairness, when I got the whole “I miss you speech” I could not feel bad.
2. I’m going to say this like it is! If math and a !!!!!!!!!!!! ugly creature had a baby, it would be Pre-cal. I’d rather take chemistry all over again. I do not say this sparingly but, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I feel so defeated! Like seriously, I don’t feel like I’m going to graduate! I had it planned this whole year that I was going to exempt that final so that I would only have to worry about passing with a 70 and today I came to find out that I could only exempt with a semester average of a 75. I am five points away. To make things worst, I have one more week to aide in the counselor’s office because next semester, I have to take !!!!!!!!!!! Eco.
3. By the time that I get to this point, I already feel like going in a corner to cry. (!!!!!!) As it turns out, the most mature age once again showed me how little they have matured. One would think that being seniors, rumors stop traveling in the whole “she said, you said, he saw, they did” way. !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! Yesterday, I was witness of something that I probably would have rather had my eyes pulled out. I swallowed hard fearing the worse, and just to my !!!!!!!!!!! luck ( can’t find a better word) it turns out that what I feared was true. The nerve of some girls is just incredible. To just say things that they don’t !!!!!!!!!! know. Where that girl got what she said, I know not. The result of her 2nd grade behavior ended hurting not just me but a couple others. Even after the situation seemed to calm down, the little idiot kept !!!!!!!! talking. As if she hadn’t already done enough. According to my school’s code of conduct, that is a level two offense, could be a misdemeanor by which she could go to court.
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