Talves no sabes cuanto te ame
Yo te ame,
Te adore,
No te quiero ve ie ier.
Y sufri,
Hasta el fin,
No te quiero ve ie ier
Duramos una noche amando
Y la otra peleando
Quisiera llorar
Friday, April 22, 2011
Not One More Time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DYoUk8FKnA&feature=fvwrel
Talves no sabes cuanto te ame
Yo te ame,
Te adore,
No te quiero ve ie ier.
Y sufri,
Hasta el fin,
No te quiero ve ie ier
Duramos una noche amando
Y la otra peleando
Quisiera llorar
Talves no sabes cuanto te ame
Yo te ame,
Te adore,
No te quiero ve ie ier.
Y sufri,
Hasta el fin,
No te quiero ve ie ier
Duramos una noche amando
Y la otra peleando
Quisiera llorar
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Fiction
If I were to sit here and type out every single thought that is in my mind right now, I would end up creating a really BIG mess out of this blog. So reader, I have a question for you. Why do you read these lines? Lately, I have been acting a lot on impulse, something that I had grown out of. Last year, last school year, I believe it was the last time I acted on the instincts of my gutt. It's never gotten me into any trouble, and yay for me because it actually had worked until then. Actually, a dear friend of mine was the one that pointed it out. Apparently I was causing...uhm...nerve wrecks. But anyways, this is the only way I find it appropriate to settle this issue in my mind. Marmalade Boy Style.
"Miki what's wrong?"
"Huh? Oh its nothing Meiko! Was I acting distracted? Well I didn't mean to, I was just thinking."
"Oh I see..."
"No really Meiko I'm fine!"
"Miki. Stop lying to yourself. What are you going to do about Ginta?"
"Oh Meiko...I thought I sounded convincing. I really don't know. I know I couldn't make up my mind, but it's been so long since we...well you know. And I still can't bring myself to face him. Sometimes, I want him to notice me, but then I think of all the pain he's in and it makes me want to disappear from the whole face of the earth. And well, him being friends with Yuu and..."
"Arimi. She's got you all upset. It's her huh?"
"Yes...Meiko, Yuu is her ex! And well...She's my-"
"Miki. Stop thinking about it so much. Yes it's true that you and Arimi are friends but what kind of friendship do you call it? Is it a close friendship?"
"Well..."
"Miki, when are you going to start asking yourself what YOU want? When is that going to be important? You are always so concerned about not hurting anyone else that you forget about your own feelings. Think about it. When you and Ginta started having issues what happened? I suggested that you guys take a break from each other and may I remind you that you stopped talking to me for a whole week. The idea simply upset you so much as to the point of being so mad at me."
"Meiko this is different though..."
"How so? Last time I checked, the one that was acting different with you was Yuu. What about the things he tells you that startle you?"
"OH MEIKO! I just don't like to even remember all those things! It's like, every time I remember...I get this feeling in my gutt that I just don't know what to think! I don't get it Meiko! Why does he do that? Why would he ask me not to fall for him and then he says all those things to make me notice him? What is it that triggers all those thoughts in his head? He's always there, even if I were to try to ignore him, well it's so hard because we live in the same house! But then again, when I do talk to him, I feel good about myself. He makes me want to talk to him and I get so exited and happy and...and... Just what exactly is he thinking to say those things?!?!"
"Why don't you ask him..."
"Because...I don't know...I'm scared I guess..."
"I suppose you don't want to lose his friendship? Or better yet, to make it akward."
"Yeah...I guess so... You see, Ginta, well, I felt good with him, but things were far better when well, we were just friends. Then it got to the point where I knew he wasn't telling me things because he honestly thought them so, but because he felt it was his duty as a...as my...oh Meiko"
"Overthinking this is not going to get you anywhere. And if Yuu really means something serious behind all that secrecy then let it come on its own. I'm sure it will all make sense."
"Yeah...I suppose you're right Mieko. Well I better get going."
"Oh and Miki, be honest with yourself. For once face your emotions, don't let them get a hold of you."
"Thanks Meiko."
"Miki what's wrong?"
"Huh? Oh its nothing Meiko! Was I acting distracted? Well I didn't mean to, I was just thinking."
"Oh I see..."
"No really Meiko I'm fine!"
"Miki. Stop lying to yourself. What are you going to do about Ginta?"
"Oh Meiko...I thought I sounded convincing. I really don't know. I know I couldn't make up my mind, but it's been so long since we...well you know. And I still can't bring myself to face him. Sometimes, I want him to notice me, but then I think of all the pain he's in and it makes me want to disappear from the whole face of the earth. And well, him being friends with Yuu and..."
"Arimi. She's got you all upset. It's her huh?"
"Yes...Meiko, Yuu is her ex! And well...She's my-"
"Miki. Stop thinking about it so much. Yes it's true that you and Arimi are friends but what kind of friendship do you call it? Is it a close friendship?"
"Well..."
"Miki, when are you going to start asking yourself what YOU want? When is that going to be important? You are always so concerned about not hurting anyone else that you forget about your own feelings. Think about it. When you and Ginta started having issues what happened? I suggested that you guys take a break from each other and may I remind you that you stopped talking to me for a whole week. The idea simply upset you so much as to the point of being so mad at me."
"Meiko this is different though..."
"How so? Last time I checked, the one that was acting different with you was Yuu. What about the things he tells you that startle you?"
"OH MEIKO! I just don't like to even remember all those things! It's like, every time I remember...I get this feeling in my gutt that I just don't know what to think! I don't get it Meiko! Why does he do that? Why would he ask me not to fall for him and then he says all those things to make me notice him? What is it that triggers all those thoughts in his head? He's always there, even if I were to try to ignore him, well it's so hard because we live in the same house! But then again, when I do talk to him, I feel good about myself. He makes me want to talk to him and I get so exited and happy and...and... Just what exactly is he thinking to say those things?!?!"
"Why don't you ask him..."
"Because...I don't know...I'm scared I guess..."
"I suppose you don't want to lose his friendship? Or better yet, to make it akward."
"Yeah...I guess so... You see, Ginta, well, I felt good with him, but things were far better when well, we were just friends. Then it got to the point where I knew he wasn't telling me things because he honestly thought them so, but because he felt it was his duty as a...as my...oh Meiko"
"Overthinking this is not going to get you anywhere. And if Yuu really means something serious behind all that secrecy then let it come on its own. I'm sure it will all make sense."
"Yeah...I suppose you're right Mieko. Well I better get going."
"Oh and Miki, be honest with yourself. For once face your emotions, don't let them get a hold of you."
"Thanks Meiko."
Friday, March 18, 2011
21 Reasons to not be in a Love Triangle (or any other geometric shape)
I don't usually obsess over anything, but, I am only human and I do have my little secret hidden obsessions. One is make-up, but that was a given. Writing of course is a little too OBVIOUS. But there is one that not a lot of people know about. I am into the shojo and bishi characters...yes, I like mangas and animes. It all started with Marmalade Boy...which turned into Kare Kano and Fruit Baskets and D.N.Angel and Hott Gimmick and well you get the point...
But Marmalade Boy is my favorite of all times!!! And since its My first Anime love, I think I should commemorate the feelings I get every time I watch it. Because every time I watch it, I still get butterflies in my stomach and it makes me want to go out there and MAKE SOME DRAMA!!!
Ok just kidding. So without further ado, here are 21 reasons to not want to be in a love triangle. It's only fair that I introduce the characters to you that I will be using as an example. First there is Miki, the female protagonist; the story is about her. Then, there is Yuu (pronounced 'you'), the male protagonist; the drama is about him. There is also Meiko, Miki's bff and Ginta who loves Miki. Lastly, there is Arimi, who likes Yuu...
Reason Number one
Being in a love triangle sucks because there is a lot of drama involved. Miki, for example, is constantly involved in drama because she used to like Ginta who ended up rejecting her to look good in front of his friends but really actually liked Miki.
Reason Number two
You are constantly confused about your feelings. This is very common in Miki because she cannot decide whether she likes Yuu or Ginta.
Reason Number four
One person will always come out hurt. In a love triangle, it is very clear that there are three people involved and that meas that one will not get chosen. Sometimes, however, there can be more people involved, but mainly there will be three people. Arimi and Yuu used to date, so Arimi is at constant war with Miki trying to get Yuu to like her, but the real problem lies with Ginta when Arimi tries to use him to make Miki jealous and give up on Yuu.
Reason Number five
Comparing the implicated is almost impossible. Eventually you start to think "well this person is like this but this person is like this", no longer are they individuals.
Reason Number six
I assure you that 9 out of ten times, one of the people will be someone you have been friends with for a long time. This in the end will only kill the friendship. In Miki's case, she had been Ginta's friend for a looooong time, but in the end, they couldn't just be friends.
Reason Number seven
The person you choose will love you and the other person will hate you. This will hurt 20 times more and it will make you think over and over again that you hurt someone that really honestly cared about you and who you cared about. Not a cool thing because you end up thinking more about the person you ditched than the person you chose. In Yuu's case, he had Arimi, who is always wherever he's at...for some odd reason...
Reason Number eight
The people involved argue a lot. Its not like they mean to purposely argue, its that they are constantly irritated by the fact that at any time, one person is gonna get dropped. Ginta and Yuu argue a lot, its mostly because Yuu and Miki live together and he doesn't know why.
Reason Number nine
Emotions flare. Not only are they irritated all the time, but they are sad and happy and everything. It's like they all become bipolar PMSing girls. Miki cries all the time but has to put a happy face constantly. Her friend Meiko knows every time Miki is faking it, which in the end is not healthy for anyone.
Reason Number ten
Unstableness. I realize this is not a word but I don't want to use another one. It seems like when people are in a love triangle, all they think of is that emotional mess they have to deal with. Ginta almost lost a tennis match due to his unstableness.
Reason Number eleven
Fights. Fights. Fights. Boys are experts at trying to beat up each other. They are also very good at not realizing how hurtful this is on girls. We are not animals where it is accepted that two males battle to the death for a female...Unacceptable.
Reason Number twelve
You can't go back to the other person. Once you made your pick, its over. This scenario is not your typical, break-up, move-on deal. This is a little more sensitive because in the first place, your feelings were not straight so the ditched person will either hate you or want you back...but its just worse because the three people will always be informed of what goes on in the relationship and that is just plain awkward.
Reason Number thirteen
You think when is it time to give up? Once it just takes for ever for the person to decide who she (in this case I'm referring to the two boys/one girl case but it can be One boy/two girls...) will choose, someone will start to loose hope. But this hope is fed everyday by the thought that if you persist, she will chose you. Arimi eventually has to give up because it is very obvious that she doesn't have a chance.
Reason Number fourteen
You think when is time to move on? This is, in my opinion, the hardest reason. Ginta thinks all the time, when will he be able to move on. It's hard for him because he's in the tennis team with Miki and they are classmates, so he can't avoid her. When it's time for him to get a girlfriend, he wonders if he really is over Miki and will it ruin his chances of being with her in the future.
Reason Number fifteen
Breaking up with the chose person can make the ditched person think its their turn. This is illogical and logical at the same time because the person that didn't get chosen always has hope deep down inside. The real question is, would it work?? NO! Miki had a horrible time with this actually because by the time the series gets to this point, it is no longer a triangle, it's more like a...pentagon...
Reason Number sixteen
The pressure to choose is constant. The person that has to choose has to live with the decision she(he)takes. It won't be an easy one but most likely, it will be the right time and worth the pressure. But really, who likes pressure!?!
Reason Number seventeen
If you mess up choosing it will be over for all three people. Realizing this is probably the hardest thing about the break-up. Two options, one result; if it doesn't work with one, it does not mean it will work wit the other one. This brings me back to reason number twelve.
Reason Number eighteen
People tend to talk about your relationship status. Nowadays, this takes place mostly on social networks because the first think people will point out is your changed relationship status. I'm anti-relationship statuses because when it's changed, people are morbidly nosy. It can't be helped. Miki had to deal with tons and tons of gossip thanks to Arimi but in the end, she just had to learn to trust Yuu.
Reason Number nineteen
Tons of more jealousy. When you like two people and can't make up your mind about one, there is a problem. When you chose one, you live with the idea that the person you are with, will one day be in your previous position and NOT chose you. Yuu for the very obvious reasons, is very popular and lots of girls try to steal him away. Same with Miki. Not a good place to be in.
Reason Number twenty
Prone to sensitivity. This is a girl's favorite. The trust issues that lead to unavoidable tears. Just to point out, Miki, Arimi, Meiko, and all the other girls that make up the other geometric shapes of love cry ALL THE TIME!!!
Reason Number twenty one
Triangles suck.
So there you have it. 21 reasons why being in a triangle, or any other geometric shape, sucks. It really honestly does!!! But you know what reader??? Marmalade Boy DOES NOT SUCK!!!
But Marmalade Boy is my favorite of all times!!! And since its My first Anime love, I think I should commemorate the feelings I get every time I watch it. Because every time I watch it, I still get butterflies in my stomach and it makes me want to go out there and MAKE SOME DRAMA!!!
Ok just kidding. So without further ado, here are 21 reasons to not want to be in a love triangle. It's only fair that I introduce the characters to you that I will be using as an example. First there is Miki, the female protagonist; the story is about her. Then, there is Yuu (pronounced 'you'), the male protagonist; the drama is about him. There is also Meiko, Miki's bff and Ginta who loves Miki. Lastly, there is Arimi, who likes Yuu...
Reason Number one
Being in a love triangle sucks because there is a lot of drama involved. Miki, for example, is constantly involved in drama because she used to like Ginta who ended up rejecting her to look good in front of his friends but really actually liked Miki.
Reason Number two
You are constantly confused about your feelings. This is very common in Miki because she cannot decide whether she likes Yuu or Ginta.
Reason Number four
One person will always come out hurt. In a love triangle, it is very clear that there are three people involved and that meas that one will not get chosen. Sometimes, however, there can be more people involved, but mainly there will be three people. Arimi and Yuu used to date, so Arimi is at constant war with Miki trying to get Yuu to like her, but the real problem lies with Ginta when Arimi tries to use him to make Miki jealous and give up on Yuu.
Reason Number five
Comparing the implicated is almost impossible. Eventually you start to think "well this person is like this but this person is like this", no longer are they individuals.
Reason Number six
I assure you that 9 out of ten times, one of the people will be someone you have been friends with for a long time. This in the end will only kill the friendship. In Miki's case, she had been Ginta's friend for a looooong time, but in the end, they couldn't just be friends.
Reason Number seven
The person you choose will love you and the other person will hate you. This will hurt 20 times more and it will make you think over and over again that you hurt someone that really honestly cared about you and who you cared about. Not a cool thing because you end up thinking more about the person you ditched than the person you chose. In Yuu's case, he had Arimi, who is always wherever he's at...for some odd reason...
Reason Number eight
The people involved argue a lot. Its not like they mean to purposely argue, its that they are constantly irritated by the fact that at any time, one person is gonna get dropped. Ginta and Yuu argue a lot, its mostly because Yuu and Miki live together and he doesn't know why.
Reason Number nine
Emotions flare. Not only are they irritated all the time, but they are sad and happy and everything. It's like they all become bipolar PMSing girls. Miki cries all the time but has to put a happy face constantly. Her friend Meiko knows every time Miki is faking it, which in the end is not healthy for anyone.
Reason Number ten
Unstableness. I realize this is not a word but I don't want to use another one. It seems like when people are in a love triangle, all they think of is that emotional mess they have to deal with. Ginta almost lost a tennis match due to his unstableness.
Reason Number eleven
Fights. Fights. Fights. Boys are experts at trying to beat up each other. They are also very good at not realizing how hurtful this is on girls. We are not animals where it is accepted that two males battle to the death for a female...Unacceptable.
Reason Number twelve
You can't go back to the other person. Once you made your pick, its over. This scenario is not your typical, break-up, move-on deal. This is a little more sensitive because in the first place, your feelings were not straight so the ditched person will either hate you or want you back...but its just worse because the three people will always be informed of what goes on in the relationship and that is just plain awkward.
Reason Number thirteen
You think when is it time to give up? Once it just takes for ever for the person to decide who she (in this case I'm referring to the two boys/one girl case but it can be One boy/two girls...) will choose, someone will start to loose hope. But this hope is fed everyday by the thought that if you persist, she will chose you. Arimi eventually has to give up because it is very obvious that she doesn't have a chance.
Reason Number fourteen
You think when is time to move on? This is, in my opinion, the hardest reason. Ginta thinks all the time, when will he be able to move on. It's hard for him because he's in the tennis team with Miki and they are classmates, so he can't avoid her. When it's time for him to get a girlfriend, he wonders if he really is over Miki and will it ruin his chances of being with her in the future.
Reason Number fifteen
Breaking up with the chose person can make the ditched person think its their turn. This is illogical and logical at the same time because the person that didn't get chosen always has hope deep down inside. The real question is, would it work?? NO! Miki had a horrible time with this actually because by the time the series gets to this point, it is no longer a triangle, it's more like a...pentagon...
Reason Number sixteen
The pressure to choose is constant. The person that has to choose has to live with the decision she(he)takes. It won't be an easy one but most likely, it will be the right time and worth the pressure. But really, who likes pressure!?!
Reason Number seventeen
If you mess up choosing it will be over for all three people. Realizing this is probably the hardest thing about the break-up. Two options, one result; if it doesn't work with one, it does not mean it will work wit the other one. This brings me back to reason number twelve.
Reason Number eighteen
People tend to talk about your relationship status. Nowadays, this takes place mostly on social networks because the first think people will point out is your changed relationship status. I'm anti-relationship statuses because when it's changed, people are morbidly nosy. It can't be helped. Miki had to deal with tons and tons of gossip thanks to Arimi but in the end, she just had to learn to trust Yuu.
Reason Number nineteen
Tons of more jealousy. When you like two people and can't make up your mind about one, there is a problem. When you chose one, you live with the idea that the person you are with, will one day be in your previous position and NOT chose you. Yuu for the very obvious reasons, is very popular and lots of girls try to steal him away. Same with Miki. Not a good place to be in.
Reason Number twenty
Prone to sensitivity. This is a girl's favorite. The trust issues that lead to unavoidable tears. Just to point out, Miki, Arimi, Meiko, and all the other girls that make up the other geometric shapes of love cry ALL THE TIME!!!
Reason Number twenty one
Triangles suck.
So there you have it. 21 reasons why being in a triangle, or any other geometric shape, sucks. It really honestly does!!! But you know what reader??? Marmalade Boy DOES NOT SUCK!!!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
My Neverending Story
this was me this morning -> ~_~
this was me this afternoon -> ^_^
this is me right now -> >_<+++
I need a car. I need a car to get a job. I need a car to get a job to get out of this place. In the end, I need a car...
Hold on to your butts, it gets better.
I need to be driven to the DPS office to get my license so that I can drive legally and get a job to pay for insurance. I need to have insurance to drive. I need a job to buy a car. I need a car to drive to work to have money to buy things. I need to buy things to stop worrying about whether I'm broke or not. I need a job to buy me clothes. I need a car to drive to the store. I need a job to pay gas.
Gas keeps giving me a heart attack...
I need a car to drive to school. I need to drive to school to get an education. I need an education so that I can have a better job. I need a better job so that I can have medical insurance. I need medical insurance to avoid dying of swine flu. I need a job to pay for my education. And once again, I need a car to have a job.
I need a job to pay for a laptop. I need a laptop to do homework. I need a job to pay for internet. I need internet to do my homework. Oh and again, I need a car to drive to work to pay for these things. I also need a phone. I need a phone to communicate. I need to communicate to not be a loner and to call costumer service.
Lastly, I need a car to drive to MY APARTMENT. I need MY APARTMENT to live in peace. I need to live in peace in MY APARTMENT to not be stressed. I need a job to pay MY APARTMENT. I need a lot of things, but most importantly, I need a car to have a job to pay for clothes to not be naked, to pay for food so I won't starve, to pay for an education so I can have a better job that gives me insurance, and to pay for a laptop, internet and my phone.
Here's my one little problem, I've been 18 for 15 days, almost 16 days. I've been driving with my permit for 10 months. But! I have not been taken to the DPS to get my license so that I can drive. If I could drive, I could get a job!!! If I could get a job, I could pay for things!! If I could pay for things, I could go to places and and and and...
*small pause*
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! GGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! AAAAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!!!
LAKEFOIEksofiekkjIKLA;OIDF EIJD JAOE KSEJIESJKF;ASIEFJ ;ISERKSJFD OIIEFKDJFIE ASKDJFIOEJKSADJFISERLKEkj;Ijkjifaksejaisjfkseijakf ia isak isjfalsfiejkadioasek aisr taha thws disojiek ghatkjakdijsj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it were not for the person I'm texting right now...I would have ripped my hair out!!! This is me right now because I don't have a car -> >_<+++
*Note: Its not like I'm asking for a 2012 Lamborghini, I don't even care if the stinkin' car has AC/Heater. Here's what I'm asking for: a car with Seatbelts, Airbags, and working breaks. Of course, I do have a preference of a Volkswagen Beetle (Pink preferably but I'll take any color), but at the moment, after I get my education, I can buy me any car I want.
this was me this afternoon -> ^_^
this is me right now -> >_<+++
I need a car. I need a car to get a job. I need a car to get a job to get out of this place. In the end, I need a car...
Hold on to your butts, it gets better.
I need to be driven to the DPS office to get my license so that I can drive legally and get a job to pay for insurance. I need to have insurance to drive. I need a job to buy a car. I need a car to drive to work to have money to buy things. I need to buy things to stop worrying about whether I'm broke or not. I need a job to buy me clothes. I need a car to drive to the store. I need a job to pay gas.
Gas keeps giving me a heart attack...
I need a car to drive to school. I need to drive to school to get an education. I need an education so that I can have a better job. I need a better job so that I can have medical insurance. I need medical insurance to avoid dying of swine flu. I need a job to pay for my education. And once again, I need a car to have a job.
I need a job to pay for a laptop. I need a laptop to do homework. I need a job to pay for internet. I need internet to do my homework. Oh and again, I need a car to drive to work to pay for these things. I also need a phone. I need a phone to communicate. I need to communicate to not be a loner and to call costumer service.
Lastly, I need a car to drive to MY APARTMENT. I need MY APARTMENT to live in peace. I need to live in peace in MY APARTMENT to not be stressed. I need a job to pay MY APARTMENT. I need a lot of things, but most importantly, I need a car to have a job to pay for clothes to not be naked, to pay for food so I won't starve, to pay for an education so I can have a better job that gives me insurance, and to pay for a laptop, internet and my phone.
Here's my one little problem, I've been 18 for 15 days, almost 16 days. I've been driving with my permit for 10 months. But! I have not been taken to the DPS to get my license so that I can drive. If I could drive, I could get a job!!! If I could get a job, I could pay for things!! If I could pay for things, I could go to places and and and and...
*small pause*
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! GGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! AAAAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!!!
LAKEFOIEksofiekkjIKLA;OIDF EIJD JAOE KSEJIESJKF;ASIEFJ ;ISERKSJFD OIIEFKDJFIE ASKDJFIOEJKSADJFISERLKEkj;Ijkjifaksejaisjfkseijakf ia isak isjfalsfiejkadioasek aisr taha thws disojiek ghatkjakdijsj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it were not for the person I'm texting right now...I would have ripped my hair out!!! This is me right now because I don't have a car -> >_<+++
*Note: Its not like I'm asking for a 2012 Lamborghini, I don't even care if the stinkin' car has AC/Heater. Here's what I'm asking for: a car with Seatbelts, Airbags, and working breaks. Of course, I do have a preference of a Volkswagen Beetle (Pink preferably but I'll take any color), but at the moment, after I get my education, I can buy me any car I want.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
18.4 - I no longer trust my neighbor's cat
Writing brings back memories; so does reading.
This last weekend I was stuck home doing nothing productive and I decided to dig in my bookshelf. My mistake. I found this notebook from freshman year and I'm going to tell you all about it because what are the chances that anyone will read this besides maybe the girl who cried wolf? My freshman year was not my biggest mistake but it was my most dramatic year. I met a lot of people that year that I love to death but I also met some that I wish didn't even exist. Yes that is horrible but I can't help the way I feel right now. Right now. Right now is a moment when I feel as if every waterfall had been turned upside down, as if gravity had reversed the flow of the river and everything was going the opposite direction. Right now I want to jump off an airplane and let gravity suck me into the depths of this miserable Earth. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound suicidal or anything of the sort.
Four year ago, I was a lost freshman who had no experience in anything. I trusted EVERYONE and thought EVERYONE was the nicest. I wanted to be friends with EVERYONE. Of course anyone that knows me well enough now knows that I'm the most cynical person ever. I really was so naive that the word is a fraction of a description of how stupid I was. I'm going to be honest and say that I felt something very close to love that year and I know that I also learned what it was to lose something in a second.
One. Second. Now. I. Have. It. Now. Its. Gone.
That spiral that I found in my bookshelf has a story to tell about three friends. Three friends that stood by each other and adviced each other and loved each other with a friendship that was so honest and clean. We each had our ways of trying to figure out one thing; love. In between all the drama, catfights, and gossip, we learned to hate each other. We didn't mean to, it just happened. It went kind of like this: a child is told to move because he's about to get run over by a car but the child thinks he's too smart and can wait until the last second to move. Oops, too late.
The time that I spent with those two other girls made me learn to respect one of them only. Just one. Why? Because she was sincere. She never lied to get attention or told me crazy money stories. Forgiving is one thing, trust is another.
I won't use the whole cliche of "I forgave you but the scar reminds me of what you did" because its stupid. Here's what worries me, that a friend turns into a backstabber. What would be the one thing that would shatter me beyond pieces??? Not that I may find out that a backstabber can turn people into more backstabbers, but that a friend was not really a friend after all.
I like that word. BACKSTABBERS! It sounds funny in my mouth.
Well, I read back and can only see the good stuff and smile for a second. Too bad it turned out to be a dirty little lie, otherwise, we'd still be the three musketeers. On the other hand this just goes to prove that even though I've been 18 for 4 days, I still don't feel like an adult.
This last weekend I was stuck home doing nothing productive and I decided to dig in my bookshelf. My mistake. I found this notebook from freshman year and I'm going to tell you all about it because what are the chances that anyone will read this besides maybe the girl who cried wolf? My freshman year was not my biggest mistake but it was my most dramatic year. I met a lot of people that year that I love to death but I also met some that I wish didn't even exist. Yes that is horrible but I can't help the way I feel right now. Right now. Right now is a moment when I feel as if every waterfall had been turned upside down, as if gravity had reversed the flow of the river and everything was going the opposite direction. Right now I want to jump off an airplane and let gravity suck me into the depths of this miserable Earth. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound suicidal or anything of the sort.
Four year ago, I was a lost freshman who had no experience in anything. I trusted EVERYONE and thought EVERYONE was the nicest. I wanted to be friends with EVERYONE. Of course anyone that knows me well enough now knows that I'm the most cynical person ever. I really was so naive that the word is a fraction of a description of how stupid I was. I'm going to be honest and say that I felt something very close to love that year and I know that I also learned what it was to lose something in a second.
One. Second. Now. I. Have. It. Now. Its. Gone.
That spiral that I found in my bookshelf has a story to tell about three friends. Three friends that stood by each other and adviced each other and loved each other with a friendship that was so honest and clean. We each had our ways of trying to figure out one thing; love. In between all the drama, catfights, and gossip, we learned to hate each other. We didn't mean to, it just happened. It went kind of like this: a child is told to move because he's about to get run over by a car but the child thinks he's too smart and can wait until the last second to move. Oops, too late.
The time that I spent with those two other girls made me learn to respect one of them only. Just one. Why? Because she was sincere. She never lied to get attention or told me crazy money stories. Forgiving is one thing, trust is another.
I won't use the whole cliche of "I forgave you but the scar reminds me of what you did" because its stupid. Here's what worries me, that a friend turns into a backstabber. What would be the one thing that would shatter me beyond pieces??? Not that I may find out that a backstabber can turn people into more backstabbers, but that a friend was not really a friend after all.
I like that word. BACKSTABBERS! It sounds funny in my mouth.
Well, I read back and can only see the good stuff and smile for a second. Too bad it turned out to be a dirty little lie, otherwise, we'd still be the three musketeers. On the other hand this just goes to prove that even though I've been 18 for 4 days, I still don't feel like an adult.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Dreadful Two Hours
Dominique had spent so many summers and winters, surrounding herself with people in order to feel alone,that the experiment of actual solitude was an enchantment to her and a betrayal into a weakness she had never allowed herself: the weakness of enjoying it. she stretched her arms and let them drop lazily, feeling a sweet, drowsy heaviness above her elbows, as after a first drink. She was conscious of her summer dresses, she felt her knees, her thighs encountering the faint resistance of cloth when she moved, and it made her conscious not of the cloth, but of her knees and thighs.
She saw his mouth and the silent contempt in the shape of his mouth; the planes of his gaunt, hollow cheeks; the cold, pure brilliance of the eyes that had no trace of pity. She knew it was the most beautiful face she would ever see, because it was the abstraction of strength made visible. She felt a convulsion of anger, of protest of resistance-and of pleasure. He stood looking up at her; it was not a glace, but an a act of ownership. She thought she must let her face give him the answer it deserved. But she was looking, instead, at the stone dust on his burned arms, the wet shirt slinging to his ribs, the lines of his long legs. She was thinking of those statues of men she had always sought...She saw him looking at her as if he knew that. She thought she had found an aim in life-a sudden, sweeping hatred for that man.
She felt anger, a satisfying anger because it was cold and certain. She felt also a desire to let her skin touch his; to let the length of her bare arms press against the length of his; just that; the desire went no further.
-The Fountainhead
By Ayn Rand
I think its pretty obvious that I feel the way that the above character does in the novel that we are currently reading in my English class. Funny think because out of anyone in that book, I hate her. Yesterday, we went to a neighboring congo and to be honest, I really liked it. I learned that people that are humble are nicer. I should be more humble. Plus my daddy did really good on his talk. There was one thing that really bothered me though. They got my dad's last name wrong and for those two hours, we were Mendez.
Here's the deal: MENDOZA!!!
She saw his mouth and the silent contempt in the shape of his mouth; the planes of his gaunt, hollow cheeks; the cold, pure brilliance of the eyes that had no trace of pity. She knew it was the most beautiful face she would ever see, because it was the abstraction of strength made visible. She felt a convulsion of anger, of protest of resistance-and of pleasure. He stood looking up at her; it was not a glace, but an a act of ownership. She thought she must let her face give him the answer it deserved. But she was looking, instead, at the stone dust on his burned arms, the wet shirt slinging to his ribs, the lines of his long legs. She was thinking of those statues of men she had always sought...She saw him looking at her as if he knew that. She thought she had found an aim in life-a sudden, sweeping hatred for that man.
She felt anger, a satisfying anger because it was cold and certain. She felt also a desire to let her skin touch his; to let the length of her bare arms press against the length of his; just that; the desire went no further.
-The Fountainhead
By Ayn Rand
I think its pretty obvious that I feel the way that the above character does in the novel that we are currently reading in my English class. Funny think because out of anyone in that book, I hate her. Yesterday, we went to a neighboring congo and to be honest, I really liked it. I learned that people that are humble are nicer. I should be more humble. Plus my daddy did really good on his talk. There was one thing that really bothered me though. They got my dad's last name wrong and for those two hours, we were Mendez.
Here's the deal: MENDOZA!!!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Jackrabbit Street
This week I was talking to an old friend and I realized something that I had never thought of before. Since basically we teens make things "fashion", I realized that being teens going into adulthood makes us more aware of things. This thing, I wonder though, if its really something to be aware of or just mere fashion. Lately I think people take friendships for granted and friends no longer exist, just the thought of a friendship. We are not friends, we are acquaintances. In my personal opinion, this is dumb. because I'd think an acquiantance is someone that I have in class or that I've had like two very AMAZING conversations with. But that is not what I am here to write about. Before I get to what I am here for, I have to say that I've become cynical. I refuse to fall in the crowd and be mediocre but I can say one thing for sure; we are all selfish.
Ok now to my point. What I am about to say comes straight from the heart and is the truth and nothing but the truth.
I have very few FRIENDS. And I literally mean FRIENDS. Friend as in the way that Webster defines it: one attached to another by affection or esteem. But I'm here to talk about ONE very special and dear friend whose friendship I value like gold.
This friend I met three years ago. It was April and our convention had just finished. I was having a conversation when this group of kids (LOL) approached us. Two boys and a girl. The girl I thought was very pretty and I liked her purple dress. She seemed nice in a way that not a lot of people are and I liked her pleasantness. She wasn't there very long but I can remember this very well only because of the events that followed our encounter (which are irrelevant to this blog).
It took a year for us to hang out. We don't see each other often, but, what I think makes this friendship special is the reliance that we have on each other. This girl is not just beautiful, she has an incredibly unique personality and that is truly something that I admire. She is one of the few people that I look up to and can't wait till our next hangout. With tears in our eyes, we have gone through some really hard times and we have laughed our butts off to the dumbest things. Her strength as a woman has helped cheer up a lot of her girls and even me at times.
One time, I was reading something silly and it said something like " BFF, when we are old, we'll be chasing each other in the nursing home in our wheelchairs". Well if we get to that age, that will be us. There is so much I can learn from her because even if she doesn't know, she'll learn. No matter how sad this world gets, her smile is just like the hope for a better tomorrow. I KNOW this is my friend (and if you're gonna tell me we're acquaintances I'll personally drive to your house with a bat!!!)
My dear Abby Love. My friend at heart. My sister. My Love :P
Ok now to my point. What I am about to say comes straight from the heart and is the truth and nothing but the truth.
I have very few FRIENDS. And I literally mean FRIENDS. Friend as in the way that Webster defines it: one attached to another by affection or esteem. But I'm here to talk about ONE very special and dear friend whose friendship I value like gold.
This friend I met three years ago. It was April and our convention had just finished. I was having a conversation when this group of kids (LOL) approached us. Two boys and a girl. The girl I thought was very pretty and I liked her purple dress. She seemed nice in a way that not a lot of people are and I liked her pleasantness. She wasn't there very long but I can remember this very well only because of the events that followed our encounter (which are irrelevant to this blog).
It took a year for us to hang out. We don't see each other often, but, what I think makes this friendship special is the reliance that we have on each other. This girl is not just beautiful, she has an incredibly unique personality and that is truly something that I admire. She is one of the few people that I look up to and can't wait till our next hangout. With tears in our eyes, we have gone through some really hard times and we have laughed our butts off to the dumbest things. Her strength as a woman has helped cheer up a lot of her girls and even me at times.
One time, I was reading something silly and it said something like " BFF, when we are old, we'll be chasing each other in the nursing home in our wheelchairs". Well if we get to that age, that will be us. There is so much I can learn from her because even if she doesn't know, she'll learn. No matter how sad this world gets, her smile is just like the hope for a better tomorrow. I KNOW this is my friend (and if you're gonna tell me we're acquaintances I'll personally drive to your house with a bat!!!)
My dear Abby Love. My friend at heart. My sister. My Love :P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)