Ugh, another day in this house. So basically my entire summer was spent doing nothing. If you want to count cooking and cleaning as something then yeah, I did that, but it wasn't important so I really would have rather have spent it with either someone (that does not include my sister) or doing something memorable. I've been to a few parties, hung out with a few friends, but really I've had better summers. There are two things that did happen to me that I think are awesome. First of all I got my license on August 1. The week before that and the week after that were spent with my aunt who visited us from Mexico. She was coming for my graduation party but due to the fact that I had to change the date, she couldn't stay and so she instead spent two weeks with us.
I have to say that in that time, inevitable things happened. To be honest, they were very stupid and pointless but alas, they happened and I'm gonna evaluate the outcome.
Starting by my aunt's visit...
Background: Her mother took care of my sister and me when we lived in Mexico and were wee bee little. She is a teacher and my inspiration. Along with her mom and her sister and a variety of family friends, they raised us. I have all kinds of lovely memories of those years I spent and all the fun I had along my sister, the dogs and cats and well of course my aunts and uncles.
Visit: She comes every once in a while because her brother lives here and well, so do we. She isn't married or has kids and therefore has no compromises. Usually my uncle brings her over and she will sleep with us for a few days but this time he left her here the entire week, two weeks actually. In those two weeks, we got an update on the family situation in Mexico, which isn't favorable... well besides that, I get to listen to her and my mom talk for hours and hours reminiscing. I love to hear people tell anecdotes, specially if in them I identify myself. She also likes to tell us a lot of things that we used to do and say when we were little and they took care of us. Such funny stories make me proud and happy of the way I was raised, always being allowed to say my opinion, speak my mind, and expanding my imagination to every corner of that house.
Evaluation:Not only that but I also learned that I've changed very little in this aspect. Of course I've matured a lot and wouldn't call my mom for making my lunch wrong, but those little things that I used to do, I still do but in a slightly different way. My ways of thinking have also changed and so have my likes, but that is a natural process of life. I know that when and if I get to be 50 years old, I probably won't obsess about pink and Maroon 5, so I make my point. There are of course things that I still like and behaviors that have not changed about me, such as making myself be heard, but again, these things I do differently. I like the way I am and the way I was raised; have I always agreed? No. Nevertheless, I appreciate it.
Conclusion: I am the person that I was thought to be, not just by my parents but by everything that has surrounded me my entire life. The only thing that I expect from people is that they have an original personality. You can never admire or blame a child's conduct on the child, it is the parents who are to be admired or blamed. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes but that again is part of learning. The most beautiful thing about this process is that one not only learns right and wrong, but forgiveness as well.
I'd like to ask all my friends from here on to evaluate me. I say that there are two types of friends and no its is not a good and bad friend, its an honest and dishonest friend. I think I've criticized hypocrisy many times, perhaps in this blog or out loud but if you don't know by now reader, I don't tolerate hypocrisy. Now now, don't be too haste to make accusations, let me explain starting by the two types of friends. Honesty is quite an admirable and brave quality. It takes guts to be honest because people are more bound to follow the crowd than to stay honest to themselves. When someone is making a mistake, especially if they are my friend, I cannot stand there and be a spectator!
I just can't. Once, I make my point its up to them, but if they continue, I won't mind being obvious. I will make it as evident as possible that I do not agree with such behavior.
Example: You are about to see that a baby is about to fall off a bed. Are you gonna sit there and watch??? Just because its a baby and he doesn't know doesn't mean that you are gonna let it happen so he will learn! That is ridiculous. If the baby grows up and then purposefully likes to fall off the bed, then in that case, you can just not do anything about it and not feel bad. You just walk out of the room to not see the child fall and break its arm or leg or head.
What's hypocrisy got anything to do with what kind of friend you or I or anyone else is? Well that being hypocritical goes hand in hand with being a dishonest friend.
I really enjoyed my aunt's visit.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Leaping Gazelle
It didn't matter where she stood in the hallway, she always had the same look on her face; that complexion of insecurity. To be honest, it was almost annoying because Giselle was truly gorgeous. She wasn't the kind of beauty that one finds in a magazine or a movie; Giselle was just pretty. Except that the look she carried around everywhere, that awful gaze made her go by unnoticed. Really, it always bothered me when I saw her during passing period. Often, I'd find myself asking "who the hell is she waiting for?!" But as always, I continued walking, waved hello, and moved on along my way. It never occurred to me thought, that like me, she was waiting for her love.
Let's face it, every girl dreams, or at least has dreamed once, that she is saved by her knight in shining armor and then is taken to a big white castle where they'll live happily ever after. Of course, girls like us get lucky if a guy just as little as smiles at us. Then we turn around to see the hot bimbo he was actually waving at. Yeah, it does hurt to dream if you do it forever. The problem we have though is that we can never move on. Ever.
"But I swear he looked at me"
" Gisell-"
"No! I mean it this time. We even made eye-contact. I promise this is different!"
"OK, fine, you guys made eye-contact but don't yo-"
"Yes, I know what you're going to tell me..."
No you don't actually...because really I'm the one who always ends up eavesdropping. By now I ACTUALLY don't know what her friend is going to say, but I DO know what Giselle is going to say. Why? Because I do the same thing. I tell people how we met; as if it were almost destiny. What started out as a friendly conversation led to a long story of love. I never intended to hear what Giselle and her friend talked about, but they sat behind me, so I really had no option, I even once wanted to turn around and give my two-cents on the matter, but I chickened out because Giselle's friend scared the crap our of me.
"We met in seventh grade" yep and they had a class together, "and we had a class together" he sat next to her "he sat next to me" but it was his friend who hooked them up "but it was Andrew who hooked us up."
Like I said, I know her story. Every time I hear it, I start to get all kinds of memories from him. Up to a certain point, I hate Giselle for doing this to me. Then again, I've never asked the teacher to move me... I guess sometimes I like to remember. You see, him and I had a very strange beginning. In fact, I was creepy, but I was a freshman so I guess it's OK. Now that I'm a Senior though, I'd never in a million years use that same...technique. If I admit that I stalked him a little we can skip a few dirty details. The truth is thought, that I liked talking to him. We had so much to talk about, mostly because we were so different and we learned from each other. Of course, I learned ten times more from him than he did from me, but that was evident since he was four years older.
"I really miss him...do you think..."
"Look Giselle, that was a long time ago"
Ha! Tell me about it. A long time ago I was obsessed with him, a long time ago I wanted him to like me so much or alt least to just have his entire attention and devotion. A long time ago, I was in love.
A long time ago was a long time ago...
Giselle knew more than anyone what a long time ago meant because her guy had happen seven years ago; that is very long ago. But sometimes, time doesn't matter to the heart.
"It was like were were meant to be." She said that with a very sad longing in her eyes, one that I am very familiar with. Actually, everyone says that about their partner at one point or another. When there's a lot of people asking what is going on between you two, well it just adds on to the idea of perfection. It's sorta like fuel for the soul of your love. The only reason why we kept quiet about it was because I was so little and he was older. From just plain sight, you couldn't tell, but, everyone know he was 20 and I was 16. Between us, it didn't matter because our feelings were much stronger that a four-year-difference. Giselle said they were meant to be because she thought she was in love, then again, who can really understand love besides its creator?
Even though the bell rang I can tell you exactly what Giselle would tell her friend until as always, she'd end up standing by the rail looking down as if waiting for someone. Waiting for him. I went up to her at some point to ask her for the class notes, then I remembered she had been talking and was probably just as lost as I was. Instead I asked her how she was doing on her free-writing assignment. "I'm doing OK. I found a poem that I'm going to analyze. What about you?" Me? well I haven't even started..."OH yeah, I'm doing great. Well I have to get going. See ya!" I should've asked her what poem she was talking about.Giselle wasn't just naturally beautiful, she was very smart as well and when it came to writing it was always an easy A for her.
I went home that same day and looked up a poem to analyze. Maybe I felt lame for taking Giselle's idea but her essay was going to be better anyways. The problem was that I found nothing so I ended up doing a satire on Baby Food. When I was stuck doing an essay he would help me. Naturally his age made him more 'experienced' but in reality, he was just good at everything. He had the solution to literally everything. I even used to call him my human encyclopedia or my human conscience. I never told him this...it was too embarrassing to admit that I couldn't do anything compared to him. Everything I did, I did it in an attempt to be better at something that he was already a genius at. The race though, never finished.
Giselle gave me her essay the next day to edit. It was even better than what I had in mind, and its honesty made me feel vulnerable. Her essay came alive...
Let's face it, every girl dreams, or at least has dreamed once, that she is saved by her knight in shining armor and then is taken to a big white castle where they'll live happily ever after. Of course, girls like us get lucky if a guy just as little as smiles at us. Then we turn around to see the hot bimbo he was actually waving at. Yeah, it does hurt to dream if you do it forever. The problem we have though is that we can never move on. Ever.
"But I swear he looked at me"
" Gisell-"
"No! I mean it this time. We even made eye-contact. I promise this is different!"
"OK, fine, you guys made eye-contact but don't yo-"
"Yes, I know what you're going to tell me..."
No you don't actually...because really I'm the one who always ends up eavesdropping. By now I ACTUALLY don't know what her friend is going to say, but I DO know what Giselle is going to say. Why? Because I do the same thing. I tell people how we met; as if it were almost destiny. What started out as a friendly conversation led to a long story of love. I never intended to hear what Giselle and her friend talked about, but they sat behind me, so I really had no option, I even once wanted to turn around and give my two-cents on the matter, but I chickened out because Giselle's friend scared the crap our of me.
"We met in seventh grade" yep and they had a class together, "and we had a class together" he sat next to her "he sat next to me" but it was his friend who hooked them up "but it was Andrew who hooked us up."
Like I said, I know her story. Every time I hear it, I start to get all kinds of memories from him. Up to a certain point, I hate Giselle for doing this to me. Then again, I've never asked the teacher to move me... I guess sometimes I like to remember. You see, him and I had a very strange beginning. In fact, I was creepy, but I was a freshman so I guess it's OK. Now that I'm a Senior though, I'd never in a million years use that same...technique. If I admit that I stalked him a little we can skip a few dirty details. The truth is thought, that I liked talking to him. We had so much to talk about, mostly because we were so different and we learned from each other. Of course, I learned ten times more from him than he did from me, but that was evident since he was four years older.
"I really miss him...do you think..."
"Look Giselle, that was a long time ago"
Ha! Tell me about it. A long time ago I was obsessed with him, a long time ago I wanted him to like me so much or alt least to just have his entire attention and devotion. A long time ago, I was in love.
A long time ago was a long time ago...
Giselle knew more than anyone what a long time ago meant because her guy had happen seven years ago; that is very long ago. But sometimes, time doesn't matter to the heart.
"It was like were were meant to be." She said that with a very sad longing in her eyes, one that I am very familiar with. Actually, everyone says that about their partner at one point or another. When there's a lot of people asking what is going on between you two, well it just adds on to the idea of perfection. It's sorta like fuel for the soul of your love. The only reason why we kept quiet about it was because I was so little and he was older. From just plain sight, you couldn't tell, but, everyone know he was 20 and I was 16. Between us, it didn't matter because our feelings were much stronger that a four-year-difference. Giselle said they were meant to be because she thought she was in love, then again, who can really understand love besides its creator?
Even though the bell rang I can tell you exactly what Giselle would tell her friend until as always, she'd end up standing by the rail looking down as if waiting for someone. Waiting for him. I went up to her at some point to ask her for the class notes, then I remembered she had been talking and was probably just as lost as I was. Instead I asked her how she was doing on her free-writing assignment. "I'm doing OK. I found a poem that I'm going to analyze. What about you?" Me? well I haven't even started..."OH yeah, I'm doing great. Well I have to get going. See ya!" I should've asked her what poem she was talking about.Giselle wasn't just naturally beautiful, she was very smart as well and when it came to writing it was always an easy A for her.
I went home that same day and looked up a poem to analyze. Maybe I felt lame for taking Giselle's idea but her essay was going to be better anyways. The problem was that I found nothing so I ended up doing a satire on Baby Food. When I was stuck doing an essay he would help me. Naturally his age made him more 'experienced' but in reality, he was just good at everything. He had the solution to literally everything. I even used to call him my human encyclopedia or my human conscience. I never told him this...it was too embarrassing to admit that I couldn't do anything compared to him. Everything I did, I did it in an attempt to be better at something that he was already a genius at. The race though, never finished.
Giselle gave me her essay the next day to edit. It was even better than what I had in mind, and its honesty made me feel vulnerable. Her essay came alive...
"The author reveals to us in a
compassionate tone how he feels at a
great moment of distress...The Gazelle lives
surrounded by a predator always liable to death...
When he uses the word leap repeatedly
we see all his attempts of running
away from those that hurt him...His
description of the Gazelle's beauty reveals
a question in our minds, is this Gazelle
a lost love or an unsettled emotion?"
I handed Giselle her paper back and smiled. "It's good, really nice. I'd watch out, its a little wordy in a few places." Without being able to hold back the tears I shot out to the bathroom and soon found myself in the field. My chest was tight, my fingers numb; all around me everything was spinning and the slightest noise made an unbearable echo. I collapsed in tears for the first time in six months. Four year ago I had a best friend that I fell in love with. That was a long time ago but it still feels like yesterday that I'd wake up with his text or call. It was just yesterday that I could call him at any time for any reason. I am a slave to his memory just like Giselle; I am that stupid Gazelle that the poem talked about. The question still pops in my mind once in a while, why did I leave? I left because he was too good. Because I didn't know how to make him happy.
Now every time I hear Giselle talk about her long-lost love I don't only remember mine, I long it. Yeah, the Gazelle leaped away from danger, but it landed wrong , broke its leg and died. I tore my heart to pieces and became like Giselle secretly, waiting for someone. Maybe I'm also waiting for him to come back, but in the end, girls like Giselle and I don't get that kind of luck. We can hope for days and months and years but when the sun comes up, our screens have no new texts or missed calls. The urge to dial comes up, just to even hear the voice on the answering machine. Don't call us desperate, even if there's someone right in front of us, our previous heartaches have blinded us form seeing anyone else. Who really cares though. We are young and dumb and worst of all, we are huge dreamers. Someday I won't be blind anymore. Someday I won't miss him, what he made me feel or the love he gave me...
Giselle still stands by the wall looking at everyone passing by. She's waiting for him and he'll come someday. How do I know this? Because he is actually standing in front of her, she's just too naive to notice.
compassionate tone how he feels at a
great moment of distress...The Gazelle lives
surrounded by a predator always liable to death...
When he uses the word leap repeatedly
we see all his attempts of running
away from those that hurt him...His
description of the Gazelle's beauty reveals
a question in our minds, is this Gazelle
a lost love or an unsettled emotion?"
I handed Giselle her paper back and smiled. "It's good, really nice. I'd watch out, its a little wordy in a few places." Without being able to hold back the tears I shot out to the bathroom and soon found myself in the field. My chest was tight, my fingers numb; all around me everything was spinning and the slightest noise made an unbearable echo. I collapsed in tears for the first time in six months. Four year ago I had a best friend that I fell in love with. That was a long time ago but it still feels like yesterday that I'd wake up with his text or call. It was just yesterday that I could call him at any time for any reason. I am a slave to his memory just like Giselle; I am that stupid Gazelle that the poem talked about. The question still pops in my mind once in a while, why did I leave? I left because he was too good. Because I didn't know how to make him happy.
Now every time I hear Giselle talk about her long-lost love I don't only remember mine, I long it. Yeah, the Gazelle leaped away from danger, but it landed wrong , broke its leg and died. I tore my heart to pieces and became like Giselle secretly, waiting for someone. Maybe I'm also waiting for him to come back, but in the end, girls like Giselle and I don't get that kind of luck. We can hope for days and months and years but when the sun comes up, our screens have no new texts or missed calls. The urge to dial comes up, just to even hear the voice on the answering machine. Don't call us desperate, even if there's someone right in front of us, our previous heartaches have blinded us form seeing anyone else. Who really cares though. We are young and dumb and worst of all, we are huge dreamers. Someday I won't be blind anymore. Someday I won't miss him, what he made me feel or the love he gave me...
Giselle still stands by the wall looking at everyone passing by. She's waiting for him and he'll come someday. How do I know this? Because he is actually standing in front of her, she's just too naive to notice.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Sleepless Nights
Exiting news people! Coldplay has a new song and its very pretty :) Its called Every Teardrop is a Waterfall. Here's the link to its awesomeness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Kf_6BWcOOg&feature=youtu.be
So its been like two months that I can't sleep. By this I mean I literally can't fall and stay asleep. Here's how my typical night/day goes (I will use the example of me being in school because its easier that way. Oh yes I graduated BTW)
It's ten PM and I'm getting ready for bed. I brush my teeth and put on my pjs. I lay in bed. I will lay there for two hours at least. I'll sit there and think and think and think. The person who had been texting me from earlier is also awake and since I can't sleep we'll text. At about one AM I'll get sleepy and shut my eyes. At about four AM I will wake up in a cold sweat. Again at about five, I'll start waking up because since four I've been half asleep and half conscious. Then I start dreaming crazyness and in my dreams I'll know I'm dreaming so I tell myself to wake up just before my alarm goes off. I get up super tired but drag myself to school. During first period I fight to not fall asleep unlike third period; which when I get a chance I will put my head down and crash. By lunch I feel ok but again in fifth period I will fight very very hard to not fall asleep, but when the lesson is over, again I put my head down waiting for the bell. As soon as I come home I can't take it anymore so again, I lay in bed and sleep until my dad comes home which is about four PM. Then I'll wake up from a sleep that was almost perfect. After that it just go back to the beginning. That bloody half sleep.
So during one of these nights not long ago, I was texting a friend. It started off early in the evening but by the time I got to bed I was kinda into the conversation so I waited for the text replies as I do for everyone with long intervals (this is what I call it when someone takes long to reply). So in between all those intervals I got into my thinking. I used to believe that I couldn't sleep because my thoughts distracted me, but it turns out that its a medicine I have to take and my doctor just doubled my dosage. I wish it was one of those medicines that was almost optional to take, like my old acne stuff, but this I have to take it. So anyways, I got into my thinking; and let me just clarify that that night it was very, very hot and I couldn't even stay in one position for long. "What are you thinking about??? If you stop thinking then sleeping will come much easier." I wish it were that easy.
When no one is around and all I hear is the sound of silence, my loudest thoughts fill my mind. They are not very happy thoughts though. Its mostly stress and things I have to do. Then all that gets mixed up with things that happened during the day. To finalize my thoughts, I get very wrapped up....
This blog shall not be finished. In fact what I was going to tell you shall be left unmentioned. This is what I will do, DELETE THAT CONVERSATION FROM MY PHONE. Because it was stupid to get carried away and let hope dig into my soul that maybe something good could come out of it. All I know is that this is the last time I have sympathy over a stranger.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Kf_6BWcOOg&feature=youtu.be
So its been like two months that I can't sleep. By this I mean I literally can't fall and stay asleep. Here's how my typical night/day goes (I will use the example of me being in school because its easier that way. Oh yes I graduated BTW)
It's ten PM and I'm getting ready for bed. I brush my teeth and put on my pjs. I lay in bed. I will lay there for two hours at least. I'll sit there and think and think and think. The person who had been texting me from earlier is also awake and since I can't sleep we'll text. At about one AM I'll get sleepy and shut my eyes. At about four AM I will wake up in a cold sweat. Again at about five, I'll start waking up because since four I've been half asleep and half conscious. Then I start dreaming crazyness and in my dreams I'll know I'm dreaming so I tell myself to wake up just before my alarm goes off. I get up super tired but drag myself to school. During first period I fight to not fall asleep unlike third period; which when I get a chance I will put my head down and crash. By lunch I feel ok but again in fifth period I will fight very very hard to not fall asleep, but when the lesson is over, again I put my head down waiting for the bell. As soon as I come home I can't take it anymore so again, I lay in bed and sleep until my dad comes home which is about four PM. Then I'll wake up from a sleep that was almost perfect. After that it just go back to the beginning. That bloody half sleep.
So during one of these nights not long ago, I was texting a friend. It started off early in the evening but by the time I got to bed I was kinda into the conversation so I waited for the text replies as I do for everyone with long intervals (this is what I call it when someone takes long to reply). So in between all those intervals I got into my thinking. I used to believe that I couldn't sleep because my thoughts distracted me, but it turns out that its a medicine I have to take and my doctor just doubled my dosage. I wish it was one of those medicines that was almost optional to take, like my old acne stuff, but this I have to take it. So anyways, I got into my thinking; and let me just clarify that that night it was very, very hot and I couldn't even stay in one position for long. "What are you thinking about??? If you stop thinking then sleeping will come much easier." I wish it were that easy.
When no one is around and all I hear is the sound of silence, my loudest thoughts fill my mind. They are not very happy thoughts though. Its mostly stress and things I have to do. Then all that gets mixed up with things that happened during the day. To finalize my thoughts, I get very wrapped up....
This blog shall not be finished. In fact what I was going to tell you shall be left unmentioned. This is what I will do, DELETE THAT CONVERSATION FROM MY PHONE. Because it was stupid to get carried away and let hope dig into my soul that maybe something good could come out of it. All I know is that this is the last time I have sympathy over a stranger.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Coffee Break
First order of business, I WON A SCHOLARSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!! And I got to exempt all my finals. Happy face!
Second, I've been a little annoyed with a certain situation as some of you may be aware of. Certainly you will agree, reader, that an instigator is a person who provokes a situation. Therefore, all I have to say is that I am not an instigator, I'm just tired of being told that I'm a selfish, conceited you-know-what. And I'm sorry, but I will no longer be the better person. Obviously I know that people will give their opinion in the matter and that is totally fine, but just like everyone, I have a breaking point and sorry but no more nice-lady.
Third, and to the point: DANCING
The reason I chose to write about this is because of this previous weekend (along with many others in which I've repeatedly realized this). I've come to the conclusion that there are two types of dancing
Besides these two there's no other way. Its either you know or you don't. Some people have an innate ability and they learn to feel the music almost at the same time as they are learning to rhythmically move. Those are the people that are so enjoyable to just simply watch. Of course if you are one of those people, well, even better. KUDOS.
Aabboouutt me. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like this is just simple criticism, its not. Simply, it is my opinion based on observation. I've been to many kinds of parties and, some just piss me off; others don't. The ones that piss me off are the ones where there is no one that dances with feeling. The ones that don't are the ones where there are people that rhythmically move. So where do I stand? I think I'm in a midline. This is going to sound very conceited, but I won't lie. I do struggle in some genres more than with others. But I get dancing very well and I have a very high criticism of who I dance with...unless I have no choice. I like dancing with certain people more than with others, and why shouldn't I if I tend to get into the "feeling"? When a person who feels and one that rhythmically moves join together, you get a very enjoyable dance. When you get two that feel, now, that's what I'm talking about!
I guess I'm very disappointed in what I've seen the last couple of days. I really like dancing, I mean, hello I'm a teen! I made it my goal to learn and I did, what I didn't learn was to lose the fear. I admit it. Dancing with a stranger makes me nervous because I don't know what to expect. Then again, I don't usually turn down anyone...unless its like some old man that I've never seen in my life (which actually did happen to me...TWICE). I also like to teach people to dance but then again, in the Latin culture, it takes two to Tango, so I can only do so much. Its gotten to the point where I think that one of the features of my future husband is that he knows how to dance. That he LIKES dancing. I won't dream too far and expect a Mr. Dancing wit the Stars, but if its something that I enjoy so much, then he's got to have it. He's out there somewhere looking for me, our paths just haven't quite met. Yet.
Second, I've been a little annoyed with a certain situation as some of you may be aware of. Certainly you will agree, reader, that an instigator is a person who provokes a situation. Therefore, all I have to say is that I am not an instigator, I'm just tired of being told that I'm a selfish, conceited you-know-what. And I'm sorry, but I will no longer be the better person. Obviously I know that people will give their opinion in the matter and that is totally fine, but just like everyone, I have a breaking point and sorry but no more nice-lady.
Third, and to the point: DANCING
The reason I chose to write about this is because of this previous weekend (along with many others in which I've repeatedly realized this). I've come to the conclusion that there are two types of dancing
- Feeling
- Rhythmically Moving
Besides these two there's no other way. Its either you know or you don't. Some people have an innate ability and they learn to feel the music almost at the same time as they are learning to rhythmically move. Those are the people that are so enjoyable to just simply watch. Of course if you are one of those people, well, even better. KUDOS.
Aabboouutt me. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like this is just simple criticism, its not. Simply, it is my opinion based on observation. I've been to many kinds of parties and, some just piss me off; others don't. The ones that piss me off are the ones where there is no one that dances with feeling. The ones that don't are the ones where there are people that rhythmically move. So where do I stand? I think I'm in a midline. This is going to sound very conceited, but I won't lie. I do struggle in some genres more than with others. But I get dancing very well and I have a very high criticism of who I dance with...unless I have no choice. I like dancing with certain people more than with others, and why shouldn't I if I tend to get into the "feeling"? When a person who feels and one that rhythmically moves join together, you get a very enjoyable dance. When you get two that feel, now, that's what I'm talking about!
I guess I'm very disappointed in what I've seen the last couple of days. I really like dancing, I mean, hello I'm a teen! I made it my goal to learn and I did, what I didn't learn was to lose the fear. I admit it. Dancing with a stranger makes me nervous because I don't know what to expect. Then again, I don't usually turn down anyone...unless its like some old man that I've never seen in my life (which actually did happen to me...TWICE). I also like to teach people to dance but then again, in the Latin culture, it takes two to Tango, so I can only do so much. Its gotten to the point where I think that one of the features of my future husband is that he knows how to dance. That he LIKES dancing. I won't dream too far and expect a Mr. Dancing wit the Stars, but if its something that I enjoy so much, then he's got to have it. He's out there somewhere looking for me, our paths just haven't quite met. Yet.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Not One More Time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DYoUk8FKnA&feature=fvwrel
Talves no sabes cuanto te ame
Yo te ame,
Te adore,
No te quiero ve ie ier.
Y sufri,
Hasta el fin,
No te quiero ve ie ier
Duramos una noche amando
Y la otra peleando
Quisiera llorar
Talves no sabes cuanto te ame
Yo te ame,
Te adore,
No te quiero ve ie ier.
Y sufri,
Hasta el fin,
No te quiero ve ie ier
Duramos una noche amando
Y la otra peleando
Quisiera llorar
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Fiction
If I were to sit here and type out every single thought that is in my mind right now, I would end up creating a really BIG mess out of this blog. So reader, I have a question for you. Why do you read these lines? Lately, I have been acting a lot on impulse, something that I had grown out of. Last year, last school year, I believe it was the last time I acted on the instincts of my gutt. It's never gotten me into any trouble, and yay for me because it actually had worked until then. Actually, a dear friend of mine was the one that pointed it out. Apparently I was causing...uhm...nerve wrecks. But anyways, this is the only way I find it appropriate to settle this issue in my mind. Marmalade Boy Style.
"Miki what's wrong?"
"Huh? Oh its nothing Meiko! Was I acting distracted? Well I didn't mean to, I was just thinking."
"Oh I see..."
"No really Meiko I'm fine!"
"Miki. Stop lying to yourself. What are you going to do about Ginta?"
"Oh Meiko...I thought I sounded convincing. I really don't know. I know I couldn't make up my mind, but it's been so long since we...well you know. And I still can't bring myself to face him. Sometimes, I want him to notice me, but then I think of all the pain he's in and it makes me want to disappear from the whole face of the earth. And well, him being friends with Yuu and..."
"Arimi. She's got you all upset. It's her huh?"
"Yes...Meiko, Yuu is her ex! And well...She's my-"
"Miki. Stop thinking about it so much. Yes it's true that you and Arimi are friends but what kind of friendship do you call it? Is it a close friendship?"
"Well..."
"Miki, when are you going to start asking yourself what YOU want? When is that going to be important? You are always so concerned about not hurting anyone else that you forget about your own feelings. Think about it. When you and Ginta started having issues what happened? I suggested that you guys take a break from each other and may I remind you that you stopped talking to me for a whole week. The idea simply upset you so much as to the point of being so mad at me."
"Meiko this is different though..."
"How so? Last time I checked, the one that was acting different with you was Yuu. What about the things he tells you that startle you?"
"OH MEIKO! I just don't like to even remember all those things! It's like, every time I remember...I get this feeling in my gutt that I just don't know what to think! I don't get it Meiko! Why does he do that? Why would he ask me not to fall for him and then he says all those things to make me notice him? What is it that triggers all those thoughts in his head? He's always there, even if I were to try to ignore him, well it's so hard because we live in the same house! But then again, when I do talk to him, I feel good about myself. He makes me want to talk to him and I get so exited and happy and...and... Just what exactly is he thinking to say those things?!?!"
"Why don't you ask him..."
"Because...I don't know...I'm scared I guess..."
"I suppose you don't want to lose his friendship? Or better yet, to make it akward."
"Yeah...I guess so... You see, Ginta, well, I felt good with him, but things were far better when well, we were just friends. Then it got to the point where I knew he wasn't telling me things because he honestly thought them so, but because he felt it was his duty as a...as my...oh Meiko"
"Overthinking this is not going to get you anywhere. And if Yuu really means something serious behind all that secrecy then let it come on its own. I'm sure it will all make sense."
"Yeah...I suppose you're right Mieko. Well I better get going."
"Oh and Miki, be honest with yourself. For once face your emotions, don't let them get a hold of you."
"Thanks Meiko."
"Miki what's wrong?"
"Huh? Oh its nothing Meiko! Was I acting distracted? Well I didn't mean to, I was just thinking."
"Oh I see..."
"No really Meiko I'm fine!"
"Miki. Stop lying to yourself. What are you going to do about Ginta?"
"Oh Meiko...I thought I sounded convincing. I really don't know. I know I couldn't make up my mind, but it's been so long since we...well you know. And I still can't bring myself to face him. Sometimes, I want him to notice me, but then I think of all the pain he's in and it makes me want to disappear from the whole face of the earth. And well, him being friends with Yuu and..."
"Arimi. She's got you all upset. It's her huh?"
"Yes...Meiko, Yuu is her ex! And well...She's my-"
"Miki. Stop thinking about it so much. Yes it's true that you and Arimi are friends but what kind of friendship do you call it? Is it a close friendship?"
"Well..."
"Miki, when are you going to start asking yourself what YOU want? When is that going to be important? You are always so concerned about not hurting anyone else that you forget about your own feelings. Think about it. When you and Ginta started having issues what happened? I suggested that you guys take a break from each other and may I remind you that you stopped talking to me for a whole week. The idea simply upset you so much as to the point of being so mad at me."
"Meiko this is different though..."
"How so? Last time I checked, the one that was acting different with you was Yuu. What about the things he tells you that startle you?"
"OH MEIKO! I just don't like to even remember all those things! It's like, every time I remember...I get this feeling in my gutt that I just don't know what to think! I don't get it Meiko! Why does he do that? Why would he ask me not to fall for him and then he says all those things to make me notice him? What is it that triggers all those thoughts in his head? He's always there, even if I were to try to ignore him, well it's so hard because we live in the same house! But then again, when I do talk to him, I feel good about myself. He makes me want to talk to him and I get so exited and happy and...and... Just what exactly is he thinking to say those things?!?!"
"Why don't you ask him..."
"Because...I don't know...I'm scared I guess..."
"I suppose you don't want to lose his friendship? Or better yet, to make it akward."
"Yeah...I guess so... You see, Ginta, well, I felt good with him, but things were far better when well, we were just friends. Then it got to the point where I knew he wasn't telling me things because he honestly thought them so, but because he felt it was his duty as a...as my...oh Meiko"
"Overthinking this is not going to get you anywhere. And if Yuu really means something serious behind all that secrecy then let it come on its own. I'm sure it will all make sense."
"Yeah...I suppose you're right Mieko. Well I better get going."
"Oh and Miki, be honest with yourself. For once face your emotions, don't let them get a hold of you."
"Thanks Meiko."
Friday, March 18, 2011
21 Reasons to not be in a Love Triangle (or any other geometric shape)
I don't usually obsess over anything, but, I am only human and I do have my little secret hidden obsessions. One is make-up, but that was a given. Writing of course is a little too OBVIOUS. But there is one that not a lot of people know about. I am into the shojo and bishi characters...yes, I like mangas and animes. It all started with Marmalade Boy...which turned into Kare Kano and Fruit Baskets and D.N.Angel and Hott Gimmick and well you get the point...
But Marmalade Boy is my favorite of all times!!! And since its My first Anime love, I think I should commemorate the feelings I get every time I watch it. Because every time I watch it, I still get butterflies in my stomach and it makes me want to go out there and MAKE SOME DRAMA!!!
Ok just kidding. So without further ado, here are 21 reasons to not want to be in a love triangle. It's only fair that I introduce the characters to you that I will be using as an example. First there is Miki, the female protagonist; the story is about her. Then, there is Yuu (pronounced 'you'), the male protagonist; the drama is about him. There is also Meiko, Miki's bff and Ginta who loves Miki. Lastly, there is Arimi, who likes Yuu...
Reason Number one
Being in a love triangle sucks because there is a lot of drama involved. Miki, for example, is constantly involved in drama because she used to like Ginta who ended up rejecting her to look good in front of his friends but really actually liked Miki.
Reason Number two
You are constantly confused about your feelings. This is very common in Miki because she cannot decide whether she likes Yuu or Ginta.
Reason Number four
One person will always come out hurt. In a love triangle, it is very clear that there are three people involved and that meas that one will not get chosen. Sometimes, however, there can be more people involved, but mainly there will be three people. Arimi and Yuu used to date, so Arimi is at constant war with Miki trying to get Yuu to like her, but the real problem lies with Ginta when Arimi tries to use him to make Miki jealous and give up on Yuu.
Reason Number five
Comparing the implicated is almost impossible. Eventually you start to think "well this person is like this but this person is like this", no longer are they individuals.
Reason Number six
I assure you that 9 out of ten times, one of the people will be someone you have been friends with for a long time. This in the end will only kill the friendship. In Miki's case, she had been Ginta's friend for a looooong time, but in the end, they couldn't just be friends.
Reason Number seven
The person you choose will love you and the other person will hate you. This will hurt 20 times more and it will make you think over and over again that you hurt someone that really honestly cared about you and who you cared about. Not a cool thing because you end up thinking more about the person you ditched than the person you chose. In Yuu's case, he had Arimi, who is always wherever he's at...for some odd reason...
Reason Number eight
The people involved argue a lot. Its not like they mean to purposely argue, its that they are constantly irritated by the fact that at any time, one person is gonna get dropped. Ginta and Yuu argue a lot, its mostly because Yuu and Miki live together and he doesn't know why.
Reason Number nine
Emotions flare. Not only are they irritated all the time, but they are sad and happy and everything. It's like they all become bipolar PMSing girls. Miki cries all the time but has to put a happy face constantly. Her friend Meiko knows every time Miki is faking it, which in the end is not healthy for anyone.
Reason Number ten
Unstableness. I realize this is not a word but I don't want to use another one. It seems like when people are in a love triangle, all they think of is that emotional mess they have to deal with. Ginta almost lost a tennis match due to his unstableness.
Reason Number eleven
Fights. Fights. Fights. Boys are experts at trying to beat up each other. They are also very good at not realizing how hurtful this is on girls. We are not animals where it is accepted that two males battle to the death for a female...Unacceptable.
Reason Number twelve
You can't go back to the other person. Once you made your pick, its over. This scenario is not your typical, break-up, move-on deal. This is a little more sensitive because in the first place, your feelings were not straight so the ditched person will either hate you or want you back...but its just worse because the three people will always be informed of what goes on in the relationship and that is just plain awkward.
Reason Number thirteen
You think when is it time to give up? Once it just takes for ever for the person to decide who she (in this case I'm referring to the two boys/one girl case but it can be One boy/two girls...) will choose, someone will start to loose hope. But this hope is fed everyday by the thought that if you persist, she will chose you. Arimi eventually has to give up because it is very obvious that she doesn't have a chance.
Reason Number fourteen
You think when is time to move on? This is, in my opinion, the hardest reason. Ginta thinks all the time, when will he be able to move on. It's hard for him because he's in the tennis team with Miki and they are classmates, so he can't avoid her. When it's time for him to get a girlfriend, he wonders if he really is over Miki and will it ruin his chances of being with her in the future.
Reason Number fifteen
Breaking up with the chose person can make the ditched person think its their turn. This is illogical and logical at the same time because the person that didn't get chosen always has hope deep down inside. The real question is, would it work?? NO! Miki had a horrible time with this actually because by the time the series gets to this point, it is no longer a triangle, it's more like a...pentagon...
Reason Number sixteen
The pressure to choose is constant. The person that has to choose has to live with the decision she(he)takes. It won't be an easy one but most likely, it will be the right time and worth the pressure. But really, who likes pressure!?!
Reason Number seventeen
If you mess up choosing it will be over for all three people. Realizing this is probably the hardest thing about the break-up. Two options, one result; if it doesn't work with one, it does not mean it will work wit the other one. This brings me back to reason number twelve.
Reason Number eighteen
People tend to talk about your relationship status. Nowadays, this takes place mostly on social networks because the first think people will point out is your changed relationship status. I'm anti-relationship statuses because when it's changed, people are morbidly nosy. It can't be helped. Miki had to deal with tons and tons of gossip thanks to Arimi but in the end, she just had to learn to trust Yuu.
Reason Number nineteen
Tons of more jealousy. When you like two people and can't make up your mind about one, there is a problem. When you chose one, you live with the idea that the person you are with, will one day be in your previous position and NOT chose you. Yuu for the very obvious reasons, is very popular and lots of girls try to steal him away. Same with Miki. Not a good place to be in.
Reason Number twenty
Prone to sensitivity. This is a girl's favorite. The trust issues that lead to unavoidable tears. Just to point out, Miki, Arimi, Meiko, and all the other girls that make up the other geometric shapes of love cry ALL THE TIME!!!
Reason Number twenty one
Triangles suck.
So there you have it. 21 reasons why being in a triangle, or any other geometric shape, sucks. It really honestly does!!! But you know what reader??? Marmalade Boy DOES NOT SUCK!!!
But Marmalade Boy is my favorite of all times!!! And since its My first Anime love, I think I should commemorate the feelings I get every time I watch it. Because every time I watch it, I still get butterflies in my stomach and it makes me want to go out there and MAKE SOME DRAMA!!!
Ok just kidding. So without further ado, here are 21 reasons to not want to be in a love triangle. It's only fair that I introduce the characters to you that I will be using as an example. First there is Miki, the female protagonist; the story is about her. Then, there is Yuu (pronounced 'you'), the male protagonist; the drama is about him. There is also Meiko, Miki's bff and Ginta who loves Miki. Lastly, there is Arimi, who likes Yuu...
Reason Number one
Being in a love triangle sucks because there is a lot of drama involved. Miki, for example, is constantly involved in drama because she used to like Ginta who ended up rejecting her to look good in front of his friends but really actually liked Miki.
Reason Number two
You are constantly confused about your feelings. This is very common in Miki because she cannot decide whether she likes Yuu or Ginta.
Reason Number four
One person will always come out hurt. In a love triangle, it is very clear that there are three people involved and that meas that one will not get chosen. Sometimes, however, there can be more people involved, but mainly there will be three people. Arimi and Yuu used to date, so Arimi is at constant war with Miki trying to get Yuu to like her, but the real problem lies with Ginta when Arimi tries to use him to make Miki jealous and give up on Yuu.
Reason Number five
Comparing the implicated is almost impossible. Eventually you start to think "well this person is like this but this person is like this", no longer are they individuals.
Reason Number six
I assure you that 9 out of ten times, one of the people will be someone you have been friends with for a long time. This in the end will only kill the friendship. In Miki's case, she had been Ginta's friend for a looooong time, but in the end, they couldn't just be friends.
Reason Number seven
The person you choose will love you and the other person will hate you. This will hurt 20 times more and it will make you think over and over again that you hurt someone that really honestly cared about you and who you cared about. Not a cool thing because you end up thinking more about the person you ditched than the person you chose. In Yuu's case, he had Arimi, who is always wherever he's at...for some odd reason...
Reason Number eight
The people involved argue a lot. Its not like they mean to purposely argue, its that they are constantly irritated by the fact that at any time, one person is gonna get dropped. Ginta and Yuu argue a lot, its mostly because Yuu and Miki live together and he doesn't know why.
Reason Number nine
Emotions flare. Not only are they irritated all the time, but they are sad and happy and everything. It's like they all become bipolar PMSing girls. Miki cries all the time but has to put a happy face constantly. Her friend Meiko knows every time Miki is faking it, which in the end is not healthy for anyone.
Reason Number ten
Unstableness. I realize this is not a word but I don't want to use another one. It seems like when people are in a love triangle, all they think of is that emotional mess they have to deal with. Ginta almost lost a tennis match due to his unstableness.
Reason Number eleven
Fights. Fights. Fights. Boys are experts at trying to beat up each other. They are also very good at not realizing how hurtful this is on girls. We are not animals where it is accepted that two males battle to the death for a female...Unacceptable.
Reason Number twelve
You can't go back to the other person. Once you made your pick, its over. This scenario is not your typical, break-up, move-on deal. This is a little more sensitive because in the first place, your feelings were not straight so the ditched person will either hate you or want you back...but its just worse because the three people will always be informed of what goes on in the relationship and that is just plain awkward.
Reason Number thirteen
You think when is it time to give up? Once it just takes for ever for the person to decide who she (in this case I'm referring to the two boys/one girl case but it can be One boy/two girls...) will choose, someone will start to loose hope. But this hope is fed everyday by the thought that if you persist, she will chose you. Arimi eventually has to give up because it is very obvious that she doesn't have a chance.
Reason Number fourteen
You think when is time to move on? This is, in my opinion, the hardest reason. Ginta thinks all the time, when will he be able to move on. It's hard for him because he's in the tennis team with Miki and they are classmates, so he can't avoid her. When it's time for him to get a girlfriend, he wonders if he really is over Miki and will it ruin his chances of being with her in the future.
Reason Number fifteen
Breaking up with the chose person can make the ditched person think its their turn. This is illogical and logical at the same time because the person that didn't get chosen always has hope deep down inside. The real question is, would it work?? NO! Miki had a horrible time with this actually because by the time the series gets to this point, it is no longer a triangle, it's more like a...pentagon...
Reason Number sixteen
The pressure to choose is constant. The person that has to choose has to live with the decision she(he)takes. It won't be an easy one but most likely, it will be the right time and worth the pressure. But really, who likes pressure!?!
Reason Number seventeen
If you mess up choosing it will be over for all three people. Realizing this is probably the hardest thing about the break-up. Two options, one result; if it doesn't work with one, it does not mean it will work wit the other one. This brings me back to reason number twelve.
Reason Number eighteen
People tend to talk about your relationship status. Nowadays, this takes place mostly on social networks because the first think people will point out is your changed relationship status. I'm anti-relationship statuses because when it's changed, people are morbidly nosy. It can't be helped. Miki had to deal with tons and tons of gossip thanks to Arimi but in the end, she just had to learn to trust Yuu.
Reason Number nineteen
Tons of more jealousy. When you like two people and can't make up your mind about one, there is a problem. When you chose one, you live with the idea that the person you are with, will one day be in your previous position and NOT chose you. Yuu for the very obvious reasons, is very popular and lots of girls try to steal him away. Same with Miki. Not a good place to be in.
Reason Number twenty
Prone to sensitivity. This is a girl's favorite. The trust issues that lead to unavoidable tears. Just to point out, Miki, Arimi, Meiko, and all the other girls that make up the other geometric shapes of love cry ALL THE TIME!!!
Reason Number twenty one
Triangles suck.
So there you have it. 21 reasons why being in a triangle, or any other geometric shape, sucks. It really honestly does!!! But you know what reader??? Marmalade Boy DOES NOT SUCK!!!
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