The Fear

You know how sometimes, you open your e-mail and you see a survey that all, or most of your contacts have filled out? Well for some reason, I've seen some questions repeated more than once. One specifically I have answered with the same word: solitude.

I've never really given thought to the matter much. In fact, I think solitude is not for man-kind, otherwise Eve would not have been created.

Well I think I've thought about the meaning of solitude enough unconciously and now I can truly say I am indeed afraid of being alone.

Alone...

As in by myself...

Nobody else...

Like in a dark room...

And yet again being alone is good in a way every once in a while. I have what I like to call me-time every once in a while (most of the time this is misunderstood as me being in some sort of depression which I'm not). There are times when I want to be alone, when its just me and the voice in my head (no psyco!). This is the time when I go into writing mode. I love this side of me because I use writing as a shield to my own emotions. Its as if my thoughts and ideas just ran down my hand and spilled out on the paper and they just stay there locked.

Well there is another side of solityde. I say this using my ddad's words only because they are true:

• "Women like to be independent, they are naturally more independent than men, but, women always look for dependence on men as if they liked to be tied down!"

Women...who understands us...?

I'm afraid of being 30 and not being married. Period. I'm just petrified by the thought of not being correspinded and dying in my home with 20 cats. I want to be independednt yet I seek that dependence on a man...

I feel like what the heck...

In fact I feel pathetic...

I hate to admit that women are weird...

I fall into that sterotype...

UGH!!!