To the World

This has been the best week of my life!!!!!!!!!!

Its like one day the thought that my fears could change came true and now I live in my head fully inside out waiting.

That is all that is left to do...

Wait.

It is such a simple word but I am not alone in this one. No sir, I am not alone! The voice inside my head is speaking and its telling me not to let go because the smallest mistake can lead me to the one choice that I don't want to make.

And the best part was that I'm not so sure how it happened but it did...and I would like to know how because its driving me crazy trying to figure out how in the world it happened...

Like I said, it just sorta happened without notice.

I wish I could just scream it to the world but I can't...

This is all I have left, my writing and the voice in my head...

Sigh.......................

I'll never leave...and that is a promise to you!

NIneteen Minutes

I just finished reading Nineteen Minutes...

Let me tell you about it!

Nineteen Minutes is a story by Jodi Picoult and takes place in the year 2007. There, you know the important stuff.

Now the real deal...the effect

When I started reading this book I knew it was about a crime and it didn't make any sense whatsoever. I thought it was just going to be one of those loooong books that never end and have a happy ending. I was so wrong.

Now I can't go to school without thinking that I might get shot by a student that get bullied all the time since kindergarten.

I want to know what I would have done in the shoes of the main characters...

And in the end...

The guy who committed the crime also commits suicide. And all because this stupid girl chose to want to be popular!

I love this book and I totally recommend it!

An Update on 3 Things

I got like 3 things in my mind right this second. One being about old people. Another being about women...again, and the last being about fiction.

They all seem to tangle into each other and I keep trying to separate them and I can't. These three ideas have been invading my sleep and therefore I have to walk around like a retarded happy zombie in service and what not.

The slight addition to the family is still on its way to adaption and we think its not gonna last longer than a year or at least we hope so.
What else??? Oh yea! Benjamin Button. I could write a review on that movie but I don't feel like it because I'm too lazy. Here, I give it two thumbs up and four gold stars plus the Oscar for best movie of the month.
That movie has been installing a new fear into my brain as some of you have already been confirmed: the possibility to die without remembering my past and not being able to...well has to do with love but I can't word it out correctly.

Well let's get this over with for once and for ever so I can sleep.

• old people...

I have had the great honor, to have met some of the most amazing old people!.

That's not all about old people. I have seemed to have observe them lately. Its not like I mean it, its just that I can't help noticing that they are old.

Time cought up to them in a millisecond and they have to adapt...without getting depressed...and they still do because they don't like change

But I happen to notice how in these modern times old people don't care. They sleep all the time and they have clumsy habits that of course come with age...and they stop dressing nice...

That really bothers me...

Why stop dressing nice? I don't get it! Its like also, when they hurt themselves, they let the nasty scar appear and they just don't care! I wonder what goes through their minds... could it be that they feel that the fashion industry is just nuts and can't keep up? That they stopped making the clothes they wore? I've seen movies of old people in more revolutionary times and they look clean and they dress nice. Well when I grow old...IF I GROW OLD, I'm gonna dress nice!

• women...grrr

This is my mom's fault and I know it for a fact! I discovered that we are soul mates! IDENTICAL!!!

On women, by now, most of you will have noticed that I limit my relationship with women not because I;m a flirt or boy-crazy but because, I have decided that they are unreliably and backstabbing. Those who have made it and are women are rare if i say so myself because lately I'm complicated to get along with. I'm strange...

There seems to be a road in which all my friendships follow. Its all good at the beginning and I like the person. We talk a lot and hang out and its like they are the best thing around. Then there is like a roadblock in that path and that roadblock is not a nice one. Its an abrupt stop of annoyance. I hate this about me because if people don't get past my annoyance point, then the relationship stops...if they go through it, the friendship grows... AND LATELY NO GIRL HAS GONE THROUGH THAT SPOT!

The truth is that I miss having a best best best best friend. One that I can go up to and do retarded stuff with, one that I can cry my heart out with, one that gives me advice, one that slaps me to my senses, one that shares my likes and dislikes, one that can keep a secret and one who loves Jehovah as much as I do...

• fiction *sigh*
  

Life can be like a fiction story. Its not real but it feels real. The worst part is that in a teenager's life, fitting in is what life will be about and my character likes to fit in but in its own unique way and the line that separates uniqueness and weird is so thin that its almost not even there...

I have the feeling that my character is not doing the amazing things that it could and I hate that. I want to do so much and I just never do. When I was writing my story back in the 8th grade, I stopped because I had to experience some things before I put them on paper and they were good things actually. And now if dont know if I should finish or just leave it...and so on and so forth with like a thousand other things...

It also bugs me when people want the character to do something and the character doesn't do it so the person dislikes the story and hates the character and closes the book.

Fiction is complicated but I want to play it real. Be me, stay me.

Because after all my story has to be about me not me being something I'm not.

Right?