A Special Pillow

There's no point in a human's life where it does something out of pure selfish desire. One does things for others all the time. A mother stops eating to feed her infant, a husband works to pay the bills, a friend lies to keep the hurtful truth from her friend. Honestly, I think that I'm at the most comfortable stage of my life.

The comfort spot.

But I'm scared. Every so often it happens. I get comfortable with a group of people; they become my world, my life, my friends. I don't use that word sparingly anymore. (Just like I don't like much to use the word love, but that is another story).

Friends and love. Two dangerous situations.

The problem about being in the comfort spot is that it doesn't last forever. Even if something is built upon the most perfect foundation, it will never last. In the end, there is some damage or it simply collapses; it shatters into a pile of dust, or worst, it becomes a memory.

Memories are just as fragile as promises.

I know that in ten years, I won't be in this comfort spot. So what does this comfort spot consist of?

It is made up of a group of people; it can simply be one or ten people. So far, I think we (my family) have had five comfort spots and we're currently down to the sixth. Why? For many reasons. Reasons that sometimes are comprehensible or just unavoidable, reasons that led to problems, reasons to be protected from what's coming, and reasons that hurt. That is the reason why I'm scared; there is always a reason or cause to dissolve the comfort spot.

I do believe however that this specific current one has been the most fun and guilt-free. No expectations. Total maturity balance, equal amounts of dedication, and specially, agreement. We agree and that is just as far as it goes and in the strange case that we don't agree, we leave it alone. But gosh has it been fun! So fun that I fear the day it might be over. I guess that's why they always say backup is needed. Except I don't want backup. I am attached once more and I love these people to death.

Recently, we had a 'little bump on the road.' As trust opens up little by little, more 'bumps' are beginning to show. It is in these cases where I feel I can see the end of the tunnel and I am nervous of what could be out there.

Now let's just say it actually lasts longer than what I think. Let's pretend it stays like that for a while longer. Well in less than a while longer, I won't belong to my family. So what's going to happen then? Will they keep doing what we normally do? Will they keep going out to early service? Will they cook on the weekends? Plan vacations? Hang out? Watch sports and get carried away? Play jokes on each other? Watch movies? Have awesome conversations? Have sleepovers? Go out to eat? Make fun of people? Get in trouble together? Give advice? Show off? Dare? Will the friendship prevail or will we just say "remember when we did that?"? Who will take our spot or their spot? To whom will my spot go to? In case that I leave, can I come back? Can I rejoin the fun?

I stop to picture my future. Then I think, "why can't I be like them in my future?" As in I want to be that fun couple. The one that knows all the good restaurants. The one that knows the fun and exiting hang out places, the ones that have seen all the movies, the ones who make crazy vacation plans. I want to be the couple that keeps up with technology and hangs out every weekend and does not care to be criticized because they say we don't invite other people to be with us when we actually did but no one cared to join us. I want to eat new, crazy, home-made food and lasagna. I want to be the couple that wakes up early on Saturdays to be at the gas station at seven in the morning. I want to be the couple that knows healthy and unhealthy, the one that knows the scores for the big games, the one that anyone can sleepover at their house anytime.

Yeah. I want to be someone else's comfort spot.