Don't poop in your underwear

Three things are on my mind right now:

1. My sinus allergies are not getting better and its really hard to breathe
2. My wisdom teeth are taking over my mouth and I feel painful pressure on my top and bottom teeth and my mouth is tired of being 'open' so my teeth don't touch. It also made me super hungry...
3. April hasn't had a haircut since we got her and she is full of knots. She's fluffy and the fluffy look fits her, but with her skin rash, she is covered in knots.

SO...

I was just thinking the other day when was the first time that I decided I didn't want to have kids. I was going to be a senior in high school actually. Before that, I had my marriage life planned out with two or three kids, I even picked names and ways to raise them and discipline them and parenting methods. I was so in love with the idea of keeping everything so I could tell my kids and grandkids, "when I was your age, this was my first blah blah." I even played mother role at times with kids that are not mine. More than once did I get complimented on how good I was with kids ( I still am). I was told I would be a great mother. I agreed.

And then there were goldfish...

See, that Summer of 2010 my family sat with another family we are really good friends with. They have a son that is the apple of my eye. I was left in charge of baby sitting him during the last part of the morning program and intermission so that my mom, my sister, his mom and his dad worked in the baptizm departmen. My dad was in accounting. So it was just me and that lovely child. Well everything was going well except when lunch started. I had to actually dig through his family's stuff to find the kid's lunch and then feed him. No biggie. But! Things did go wrong. I started to get all panicky because I couldn't find his lunch and the kid was hungry. I finally found it, fixed his lunch and then handed him his sandwich. I even prayed with him. Then out of no where I found this bag of goldfish and it just so happened to occur to me to offer him some. He said yes. So I handed him the whole bag. Then I turned around to find my sandwich.

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What was I thinking handing him the whole one gallon ziploc bag of goldfish to serve himself??? I clearly had a moment of stupidity. Yeah I wanted to hit myself because I had to clean it up because it was my fault, not the kid's. Thank goodness for who arrived to be my leverage because he took the kid so I could get my head back in place and clean up. I also ate my sandwich and when he came back we both had the kid and we looked like a family. Well, I didn't like the picture.

After serious thinking, I came up with a list of 50 reasons not to have kids. I couldn't think of any good reasons to actually have kids. In fact, when people tell me that I'm the one that is going to end up with kids first I explain to them how selfish it is to bring kids into this corrupt and ending world. Why would anyone want to put a human being through the horrid path of imperfect life with all the suffereing that comes with it? Just so you can fulfill parental happiness? Why can't they wait until they can give birth to perfect kids in a perfect world and be perfect parents?

So no, I will not have kids in this world. I refuse. I have looked at every birth control method and if I have to do them ALL at the same time then by all means, I will do them all. I will not get pregnant and go through that extra hormonal imbalance, I will not raise a child in this world and I will not stit there and see my child suffer in this world. No no no, and no!

When I hear people say, "oh I want to have kids," I respect that decision. Just like they should respect mine for not wanting any. Of course, you never hear them say " oh I want a toddler," or "a teenager" or "a young adult." You also don't hear people say "I want a kid with Autism." We already-existing-beings have no choice or control in the suffering we have in life, its not like we chose to be diabetic in our old age. But why can't people think that in this system, kids will have that lifestyle. Plus they are expensive.

There are always firsts in life. First cavity, first Barbie, first Hot-Wheels, first teacher, first backstab, first kiss, first change of heart. To me, deciding to not have kids was a major life change, but it won't be the first time I change my mind about something of such great impact. Then again, I still love kids.

On another note, I messed up BIG time at work by undercharging tuition to some parents, but the good thing is that I have a good boss. I can't wait until school starts to get another year of kids. Kids make up my life, that is why I like my job and that I why I am good with them. So long as they are not mine.

Salad for Dessert

Let's pretend you like grilled chicken. I mean, who doesn't like grilled chicken? Unless you are a vegetarian, everyone loves grilled chicken. But for the purpose of this blog, we are going to pretend that no matter what, you love grilled chicken. The juicyness and the tenderness of the chicken combined with that smoky grilled flavor. The seasoning just perfect so it does not interfere with the chicken flavor. Oh that grilled chicken you have for lunch every day. You love it so much that every time you eat it, its like you are trying it for the first time. You cannot ever wait to eat your grilled chicken because of how perfect it is and no matter what, you will never be saitisfied of your lovely grilled chicken. I mean, you can eat it with a salad, or on a sandwich or over pilaf, you name it, it goes perfectly with your grilled chicken. Plus the calorie intake is not too guilty. Who does not love grilled chicken. It makes lunch so predictable and easy. You know what you are going to have because you love it so much.

One day, you run out of grilled chicken and all you have is steak. Your lunch just got a makeover.

That's what I think right now of my friendships. You see reader, I love all my friends. I have my friends, then my good friends, my close friends and my "best" friends. They each have a purpose and a place in my life. All of them know enough about me but nothing at the same time. It balances out so that no one has any good backup for backstabbing. All my friends are fun to be with and they all make me feel different. I can be 100% me or 75% me. Its all perfect friend-wise in my existance right now. I would hope that if I died one day, they would know what to make of me.

Let's just reminess a little on the past Sunday. Not only was it amazing, it was super fullfilling. This is how it pretty much went: After waking up super early to study, I took a nice steamy shower and got ready to go on service. Only too bad for me because I didn't know that service on Sundays is no longer at 9:45 so I ended up going to give a study with my mom. When we got back, my friend was at my house waiting. Now, this was too bad for the both of us because I ran out of product for my hair so no matter what, it HAD to be straightened. My hair looks amazing straight, so I went through the painful process of putting excessive heat on my hair to make it amazing, plus I had no product. So after a painful one hour of hair and wardrobe, we set off to the last English convention to watch the drama in English. Did I mention that I looked amazing? The next painful thing was finding seats because we got there as soon as the intermission started and every seat was taken apparently...I mean we ate like horses. I used to think that there are creeps all over but now I actually believe it. One of the girls I was with litterally got major creeped on. So embarrassing but I guess that's what happens when you have beautiful hott friends... Once the program started we sang standing up in the hallway waiting to be seated which happened like ten minutes after the drama started. The drama was so realistic in English; it was a little too real actually. Then we had super-amazing-loud-fun at the restaurant.

Let's break it up. We had super fun. Super fun means we made the hang out happen which is not always possible since we all have different lives. Amazing fun means it was different from everything else we do in the sense that we all made it different by being different. Yeah, we were in a big party but everyone was doing the eat-talk thing while we were doing amazing fun. Loud fun litereally means we were the loudest to talk, the loudest to laugh and the loudest to leave. But what made Sunday happen the way it did is that we did not let anything bother us. We had very healthy conversation and bonding. We made plans for Tuesday and we stuck to it. We took very cute pictures and instagramed them. Yes, Sunday was the kind of day that I wish it were every day. Like having grilled chicken everyday until you run out and you have to eat steak.

At that point we went from the restaurant to a hang out. How did we go from a convention to a make-believe party? I don't know. I didn't even realize when we got too crazy, I just sat there and watched the boys dance like idiots. But who cares? We had fun!!!

Friends are like that, you have your friends and they are the best people in your life. They make simple moments the epic highlight of your existance. Sometimes you realize you need something better, and since my life has been no surprise, I think that my friends are what make it worth it. Maybe I need a friend make-over, like hanging out with people MY age. But I won't rush it because I'm having fun trying to find some steak.