Blogging Rules

2013 has not been my year. In fact, the only great thing that has happened to me in this year is the French. Had it not been for them, I think I would have lost it completely. But I'm not here to talk about 2013. I'm here today to talk about awkward moments. Take for example last week. I was walking to class and as I was going up the stairs, my teacher came out of nowhere. Mind you that I had not turned in an assignment due the night before. Immediately I said good morning and then changed it to good afternoon which then I turned into complete silence as my teacher and I mentally decided if it was morning or afternoon. Then we came out of the stair corridor and walked in two opposite ways to get to the classroom. Of course the whole time I was thinking OMG he hates me because I didn't turn in the homework. I came in to the classroom feeling slightly stupid and slightly embarrassed. Then we took a test and he didn't let us go home like most regular teachers. My class is three hours so we had 1.5 to do the test and 1.5 to do lecture. For those of us who finished early, we were allowed to leave and come back when the hour and a half was over. I had gotten a new phone the day before so I was very occupied with my new gadget and then out of nowhere I get a text from a random number.

"why so serious?"

Call me crazy but that sounds like something The Joker said...or could say...So I freaked out. I replied asking "who is this" and I got a reply two seconds later. It was a classmate who just happens to be in my group for class and sits behind me. I said "oh ok" which in all texting language means you do not want to continue to talk. But this guy did not get the clue so I kept replying with one word answers. I mean we are not friends and I don't like him very much. Thankfully class started shortly after and I stopped replying. Only too bad that by the end of class I tried so hard to escape super fast so I would not run into him. (Mind you that he asked me what my weekend plans were) So there I was changing my path of exiting the building and then out of no where he came out from some random place! Why!!! And there I was with my ridiculous "I can't hide my feelings so I make faces without noticing". I really can't help it. I wish I could but I do it so unconsciously and my mom, sister, and best friend are always calling me out on it. I thank them because I think discretion is a good virtue but I clearly lack it. I'm awful at avoiding people. Even by taking a different route I ended up bumping into the dude. On top of which he always waits now for me to leave and then proceeds to follow me all the way to the parking lot. Today I parked somewhere else. I wish I could be good at avoiding people because I find myself wanting to do it often. Deep down inside though, I have this little voice that I can usually keep quiet but then when I get distracted, it comes out. Mean Girls calls it word vomit.

I will admit to my faults. People who have known me for a very long time know that I will admit when I am wrong and I will apologize when necessary. Its not often that I know that I am wrong because I make it a point to think before I talk. I learned that in middle school. Except, for the times when I word vomit. I don't actually stop to think because I am too busy being angry which is usually when it happens. I think this happens to everyone. We all say things and think things we don't mean when we are angry and its always good to just be quiet when you're angry...unless an injustice has been committed.

So now I am forced to clarify how I blog...

I have been blogging since April 2009.  Its going to be 5 years this coming April for those who are bad in math. I started blogging because I had a friend that used to blog and everything he did was cool. Or so I used to think. My kind of blogging has changed over time, or so I think. I try to write things that make me feel happy. Sometimes its something whiny, sometimes its something angry, sometimes its something thoughtful, sometimes its something smart. Whatever, you get the point. I write for myself to make me feel better. I never write for anyone else. Or to please anyone. This is my blog. I am expressing my freedom of press and speech. I am getting an education in order to better my writing. At first I was blogging for fun but now I blog to let out everything that is taking up too much room in my head. It makes me feel good. I know I have readers. I know some of my readers in person. I would never write something to get someone or even myself in trouble. That's stupid. Let it be known that I have blogger rules. These rules are my guidelines for writing. The only reason I break one of the rules is when it is pertinent to the blog. Here are my blogging ethics:

*I finally found the email I was looking for that I mentioned on my last blog. This friend I was just talking about gave me these three rules and this is what he told me: Eventually a blog gets known to people. So DON'T write anything that's going to create DRAMA!!!!

That's one.

Two: I like your writing so far. It sounds really readable. Make it longer. :)

BE CAREFUL what you write about. Just thot you should know.

I try to stick to that. The rest of my rules go like this:
1.Write as it goes. In other words, what comes out is what stays.
2.Blogs can only be changed and never deleted.
3. Don't use names unless its pertinent. Especially don't use names on angry blogs.
4. Never write something bad about someone.

I'm not going to stop blogging. If it bothers people they can just not read it. If you read this blog you are not to get offended because you made the choice to read it. I am open to constructive criticism. That's why I have my comments activated. So now that that is settled, I feel so much better!

What its like to be 15

I was looking for an old email in order to write another blog that I am currently working on. I will post it soon because I am not finding this email that I'm looking for. I know the date period and the person that sent it to me but I can't find it. In the process of looking I came across a lot of emails and messenger conversations. Its amazing how much the world has changed in a matter of just four years. I'm about to be 21 in less than two months. This email was written a few days after I turned 17 and it sounds exactly the same way as my emails as when I was 15.15 is the age of unavoidable stupidity. I'm glad I can look back at this and realize how much I have changed and how much I still have to change. Suddenly I'm filled with memories and melancholy. I started ignoring my teacher last week so I have no clue what is going on in class. I should pay attention...

well it seems that i will not be communicating with you for the next 48 days... unless i try something even more stupid. then I'm not so sure. in fact idk if my dad was serious in the first place bc he said i was grounded one day per hour i didn't talk to him. he said that was two days... idk if sleeping counts but...sigh... idk. i tried texting you today with Danielle's phone but you just ignored her...her phone? idk.

 I'm a little confused about your blog. i feel like its directed to me but then you talk about your job. could you please explain it to me? oh and if you are wondering why i am emailing you while I'm grounded its because my parents are not home and i told my mother i would be doing the oral review (which i will do as soon as im done with this email.(which i was supposed to do with you))

also to everyone's pleasing i did talk to my parents last night(with the bible!). i dont thing that went well...? i mean we are "happy" ish. we are "talking" ish. but all they did was make me feel like crap and i still don't know why im grounded. then this morning i saw my vocab for this unit and guess what? i now know the true definition of the word indignation. here, i'll use it in a sentence. I felt indignated when I got grounded for not wanting to go to the park with my parents. or something like that.

point is that i miss you like crazy. i ramble on about you to danielle and poor thing bc she has to hear it all day. and the thing is that all day i think of all the things that i would say to you as soon as i'd get home or the stuff i'd text you as they happened! like for example that huge argument about me going to zach's house to study ended up in an 88 and an 85.  or how today i ate danielle's apple jacks. or how i gave my refreinment speech today. i want to see you and talk to you and i really want to tell you that i love you.i miss those kisses in the morning and i miss falling asleep to your tender good night kisses. i really do. i even miss you picking on me and talking about the robots that will take over the earth. this is the time that i want to skip school. i want to run and find you. then I'd like us to have lunch and then you ramble about how its not mature and right what im doing. then I'd looooove to kiss you. then you'd forget what you were telling me and then...

you would eventually take me back to school by seventh period. I'd go to class and miss you even more. then i'd think of you instead of my algebra lesson. then I'd come home and procrastinate on my homework. well .... i wouldn't have hw because i just skipped school. but I'd think about you all afternoon and all night. this whole time i haven't slept well. i usually just cry myself to sleep cuddled with Alex. then i pray hard so you won't forget me. who knows for how long but the past two nights and so on have been and will be like that. i miss you. terribly. like a lot. please dont forget me.


Dear reader, you can judge me now.