What its like to be 15

I was looking for an old email in order to write another blog that I am currently working on. I will post it soon because I am not finding this email that I'm looking for. I know the date period and the person that sent it to me but I can't find it. In the process of looking I came across a lot of emails and messenger conversations. Its amazing how much the world has changed in a matter of just four years. I'm about to be 21 in less than two months. This email was written a few days after I turned 17 and it sounds exactly the same way as my emails as when I was 15.15 is the age of unavoidable stupidity. I'm glad I can look back at this and realize how much I have changed and how much I still have to change. Suddenly I'm filled with memories and melancholy. I started ignoring my teacher last week so I have no clue what is going on in class. I should pay attention...

well it seems that i will not be communicating with you for the next 48 days... unless i try something even more stupid. then I'm not so sure. in fact idk if my dad was serious in the first place bc he said i was grounded one day per hour i didn't talk to him. he said that was two days... idk if sleeping counts but...sigh... idk. i tried texting you today with Danielle's phone but you just ignored her...her phone? idk.

 I'm a little confused about your blog. i feel like its directed to me but then you talk about your job. could you please explain it to me? oh and if you are wondering why i am emailing you while I'm grounded its because my parents are not home and i told my mother i would be doing the oral review (which i will do as soon as im done with this email.(which i was supposed to do with you))

also to everyone's pleasing i did talk to my parents last night(with the bible!). i dont thing that went well...? i mean we are "happy" ish. we are "talking" ish. but all they did was make me feel like crap and i still don't know why im grounded. then this morning i saw my vocab for this unit and guess what? i now know the true definition of the word indignation. here, i'll use it in a sentence. I felt indignated when I got grounded for not wanting to go to the park with my parents. or something like that.

point is that i miss you like crazy. i ramble on about you to danielle and poor thing bc she has to hear it all day. and the thing is that all day i think of all the things that i would say to you as soon as i'd get home or the stuff i'd text you as they happened! like for example that huge argument about me going to zach's house to study ended up in an 88 and an 85.  or how today i ate danielle's apple jacks. or how i gave my refreinment speech today. i want to see you and talk to you and i really want to tell you that i love you.i miss those kisses in the morning and i miss falling asleep to your tender good night kisses. i really do. i even miss you picking on me and talking about the robots that will take over the earth. this is the time that i want to skip school. i want to run and find you. then I'd like us to have lunch and then you ramble about how its not mature and right what im doing. then I'd looooove to kiss you. then you'd forget what you were telling me and then...

you would eventually take me back to school by seventh period. I'd go to class and miss you even more. then i'd think of you instead of my algebra lesson. then I'd come home and procrastinate on my homework. well .... i wouldn't have hw because i just skipped school. but I'd think about you all afternoon and all night. this whole time i haven't slept well. i usually just cry myself to sleep cuddled with Alex. then i pray hard so you won't forget me. who knows for how long but the past two nights and so on have been and will be like that. i miss you. terribly. like a lot. please dont forget me.


Dear reader, you can judge me now.