Upsidedown

I know why she's acting the way she is. My mother loves me and there is no other type of love that surpasses that of a mother's. Honestly, I'm not anywhere near happy right now, but only because I know what to do and I'm not going to...at least not until I'm sure there is no other solution.

Back in the third grade, this one girl came up to me and asked me if I wanted to be friends with her. That was the first time someone asked me such thing but being the new girl in the school, I was in no position to turn her down. I said yes, not because I knew our friendship would work out but because she looked nice. Our friendship did end up working out but only for that year because when I moved, we stopped talking. There is a little boy that loves me no matter how much he can sometimes annoy me. I don't understand why it is that this two year-old likes me so much but every time he hugs me, he does it like he won't ever let go, and no matter what type of person I am or will become, he will love me.

Lately, I'm not sure of anything I do or say. Its as if I were functioning robotically... A spark of life in me it seems to be dimmed when I find myself in certain situations. I don't feel free, more like compromised. All of a sudden, everything that I thought I wanted is being questioned, but only because I was not doing things for me, I was doing them to please. Being the center of attention is not my thing. I need to start making decisions not to guard other's feelings but my own.

This is probably going to be the hardest on me, but I'm not alone. My sense of direction in life has been busted but I've always been very independent and I will use that independence for my better benefit. There is still the factor of the benefit of doubt, however, I'm not ready to take over the situation. I have to be strong and think that this is really the best my life is ever going to be. I am only young and free once and I plan to use up all my freedom and youth on me.