Lost Days of Honor

I am inspired to write.

I just finished one of the most interesting novels of all time. To me it is one of the greatest love stories and no one can change my mind. It arises a question in me. What happened to those days when men devoted themselves to women? Oh, I know. Women achieved equality. Well, although that is fine and dandy, something was amiss. Our feelings. Us women were so selfish with ourselves that we forgot that we had this strong will within us. It is a power that drives us. That power that does not require men. I'd like to call it our charm. Very seldom can a man refuse a girl's charm, not saying it is impossible, but it is true. I think men and women can very well live without each other if they don't care to procreate. However, we complete each other. Love is this one fishy little thing that not a lot of people can understand because they let it die. Yes, love is a thing that dies. It not only dies, it kills. I can think of so many examples of people that have died for love. My goodness!

Love is a gift that is exchanged between a man and a woman. So, how come it dies? It used to be that men were chivalrous and, to my point of view, that was possibly when women were better treated. When a man offers absolutely everything to a woman, the woman gives back in return. They complement each other. Yeah, back then, women were seen as creatures that only bore children. But women also proved themselves to be worthy of a lot more and therefore earning respect. When did love turn into something so dirty and sexual? Its something to abhor.

Beauty was something that one was born with, I mean, it still is, but a lot can be done to improve nowadays. See, what I think is that women have become false; treacherous creatures scheming against each other. All that was valuable is lost. We are treated as equals in society to make us independent of the opposite sex. So when it comes to love, it is harder to find that spark.

Lost are the days when little was too much and people were content with enough.

There are rare cases that the latter does not happen. A man and a woman can be passionately in love and give everything to each other. The man will devote to the woman and the woman in return will please her husband. Beautiful lives in which even the smallest amounts of product are sufficient. Men don't have quests and fight for honor. I really think that is where the problem lies. There is no honor. Men have turned their backs to everything that is respectable in a woman because his honor is not at stake. And there is no one to avenge the honor of women either. We stand alone.

How pitiful. It is as if love had lost its purity. Nothing is done out of great deed. No need to train for anything. Oh goodness. I feel as if I am losing faith in humans alone and in love. Every one says that to love someone and to be in love with someone are very different. But the truth is that if you are going to love someone, there has to be more than just love. Love is not everything.

I stand a hopeless romantic.

Accomplished Happiness

Today is Monday December 27, 2010. That means that in four days it will no longer be 2010. It will be the year 2011, the year my class graduates and we become big kids that go to college and have lives. I feel so old. A long time ago, this one person I'd like to call my best friend, told me that as time goes by, time goes by faster, and the faster it went by, the more I would realize that I was maturing...or something like that...or maybe it was something like, the faster time seemed to go by the more adult I'd become. The point is that I'm beginning to feel the words hunting me. All of a sudden I'm not five years old, and I wonder, WHERE DID ALL THAT TIME GO?!

The new and improved me is still human though. I have a hard time reaching my goals, mostly because I don't always have the encouragement that I would like to get. So all of a sudden I feel as if I must buckle up and get it together to do what I want...alone. I really have no problem doing it by myself, as long as I don't bump into the whole you can't do that until I go with you. Then I feel like poop on toast...
However, after so much begging and show of interest, I finally achieved my ultimate goal. Three weeks ago, I visited the French congregation for the first time after two years of wanting to go. I can't drive ALONE so I have to depend on my parents to do that because no one else was willing to take me. There were a few offers but they were a little young to my parent's standards. The other thing that I'm really happy about is that I have a pupil. I've always wanted to teach this little girl something because when I see her, I see myself. I cannot even begin to describe how smart she is and how quickly she learns. She just gets things on the spot no matter how difficult they are. For her age she is just amazing! Hence the fact that I think she is like me (NO BRAGGING INTENDED). She is the mirror image of me when I was a child. I love this girl to death and I do not ever want to lose any contact with her. I can stop talking to the whole world, just not her.

Like many people who were amazed when they found out I was learning french, she asked me to say something. It all started with me telling her J'ai mal a la gorge (IDK how to put the accent on the a). Her mom came up to me and complained how she couldn't get her and the girl's little sister to stop saying J'ai mal a la gorge. To the poor mother it was an annoyance. But the girl soon started to ask more things. The more she asked, the more she liked the language. Eventually, when I did go to the French congregation, she came along as well. Everyone is so nice there and very welcoming. So unlike what my friend described it as...definitely they are not critical...
Well yesterday, I did what I felt has been the most grand accomplishment ever. I gave my first comment in French. And not only one, but two, and in my own words! Of course I felt as if my heart would burst out of my chest and my legs were shaking and I was breathless and all these other crazy feelings, but I did so well. I found out alone that I'm no so bad. I'm actually kinda good...I believe I AM REALLY GOOD. I don't need anyone to put me down, so I bring myself up.

Lately I've had to do a lot of bringing myself up. Like this big knot in my chest was tied and its really tangled so I have to undo it. It really feels great to do something right and specially something that I've been wanting to do for so long. The best part was that I didn't need anyone. I did it alone. I know what I want and what I have to do to get it. I will do it.

On the other hand however, I discovered that some people really have the audacity to carry out some really crazy and uncalled for things. Then again I suppose that is what makes them stupid.

A Boy, An Exemption and A stupid Girl

My status last night was well...not happy. Not sad. I was angry. But angry as in I can't breath. Angry as in I feel used. Angry as in FML. Angry like this

Rooaaaarrrrrr

Just because I don't feel like analyzing the situation right now to a point where I can take out some logic, I'm just gonna state the facts.

Note to the reader: Every “!!!!!!!!!!!” stands for an ugly word I am thinking of. Reader, fill in the blank at your own risk and desire.

Issue Number One

1. In a hypothetical situation, a friendship can be saved if both parts are willing to contribute. Of course, not all situations can be saved but in my case, I realized too late I couldn’t save a friendship. I made every kind of effort to just SAVE THE MOST !!!!!!! MINIMAL AMOUNT OF THAT STUPID FRIENDSHIP!!! I really did try it all. I tried to change, to give up, to stop doing things, to keep doing things, to stop saying things, to keep saying things, to avoid people, to befriend people, to not get angry, to be patient, literally, I TRIED IT ALL. But all this trying made me unhappy. So unhappy that I was making my friend unhappy. So in the end, the friendship had to die. Kind of like back in the medieval times when a horse got injured in battle, they killed them to stop the horse’s suffering. My mom calls it tiro de gracia, literally, a graceful (thankful) shot. However, when I am accused of not being fair and not having done anything to save the friendship, now that is a big slap in the face. I realized how little my work was being appreciated and how much my friend noticed my unhappiness. Yesterday when I got that !!!!!!!!!!!!! accusation, I literally felt like the end of the world came to me. So in all fairness, when I got the whole “I miss you speech” I could not feel bad.

2. I’m going to say this like it is! If math and a !!!!!!!!!!!! ugly creature had a baby, it would be Pre-cal. I’d rather take chemistry all over again. I do not say this sparingly but, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I feel so defeated! Like seriously, I don’t feel like I’m going to graduate! I had it planned this whole year that I was going to exempt that final so that I would only have to worry about passing with a 70 and today I came to find out that I could only exempt with a semester average of a 75. I am five points away. To make things worst, I have one more week to aide in the counselor’s office because next semester, I have to take !!!!!!!!!!! Eco.

3. By the time that I get to this point, I already feel like going in a corner to cry. (!!!!!!) As it turns out, the most mature age once again showed me how little they have matured. One would think that being seniors, rumors stop traveling in the whole “she said, you said, he saw, they did” way. !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! Yesterday, I was witness of something that I probably would have rather had my eyes pulled out. I swallowed hard fearing the worse, and just to my !!!!!!!!!!! luck ( can’t find a better word) it turns out that what I feared was true. The nerve of some girls is just incredible. To just say things that they don’t !!!!!!!!!! know. Where that girl got what she said, I know not. The result of her 2^nd grade behavior ended hurting not just me but a couple others. Even after the situation seemed to calm down, the little idiot kept !!!!!!!! talking. As if she hadn’t already done enough. According to my school’s code of conduct, that is a level two offense, could be a misdemeanor by which she could go to court.

It's been three weeks since I have to sort out a lot of feelings and ideas and then to top off things, this whole thing happens in a matter of two days. I know how to fix this all, the only thing is that I know not if its worth my while. I's stressed enough as it is and I don't need this !!!!!!!!!