The bad thing about getting paid once a month is that you literally have crumbs of money at the end of the month. Its hard, but it teaches you serious money management skills. I call it, my budget cut. When I started again on my "school year job" I assumed I was already a pro at budget cutting. Only too bad for me because I was still in summer mode and now I have to get by with $15 for the month of September. Turns out that the company decided to not pay us for two weeks of work and some orientation work days for August until September. Meanwhile I have to pay for textbooks, tuition, gas toilettries, food, and miscellaneous expenses. I hate borrowing money from my parents because that makes me seem less independent but I think they want me to borrow for them...they get mad if I don't. My tuition is due September 24...I'm going to die if I have to ask for money..
Anyways, so amongst my summer mode expenses, I made some purchases designated to a party that took place this past Saturday. Let me tell you that I was not at all exited about this party because I would be seeing that friend that I told you about in my recent blog. Well, we ended up being friends again because he is just one of those people I can't be mad at forever. He's just cool like that. It just goes to say that my Love was right and I need to be patient. So at this party I had beautiful red sparkly toes that cost $20, a dress that was $60, a perfume that was $65( I got a free tote with this purchase!), red lipstich that was $6, and some jewlry that I didn't end up wearing. Oh and I still have to pay alterations wich is $16. So that totals the amount of....about $170. Then again, I did look awesome and had a really good time. Happy face.
But it was at the party that I did something that I am not too proud of. You see, I know from rules that as a girl you are never supposed to turn down a guy when he asks you to dance. It does all these negative things to the guy's self-esteem or whatever. I try really hard to not say no, but sometimes I just have too. ESPECIALLY if the guy is like 30 with a mustache and bad dressing skill. (...eww..) So yeah, I know I am not supposed to say no, not even maybe later. I'm supposed to just suck it up and do it. I'm the girl, so my part of dancing just requires me to follow what the guy is doing. Sounds easy but guys can make it really, really hard. HARD!!! So there I was standing, sweating my pretty face, fanning myself with a plate looking for a victim. When I saw the guy comming up to me I grabbed my friend and was like "OMG dance! Now, come on please dance with me, I'm running away" and he starts acting like an idiot on the spot while the other guy is now looking towards me with all the intentions of asking me to dance. I pull my friend and thank goodness because it was just on time! I told him I didn't want to dance with that guy because he doesn't dance well and its super awkward and he's really tall. Then we laughed. Hahaha. Only too bad because a while later he came back and cought me off guard. I simply said, "let me cool down and we will later." Later never came.Yeah, yeah, I know what you are saying, I am a duchebag. What can I do? Tell him my dad said I couldn't dance with boys? I mean I'm knocking on my twenties and by dancing with other guys that would have made me the biggest liar. That's not the worst of it..
Later on we were dancing Step in the name of Love. I do like this dance but it always makes me nervous. If you are unaware of how this dance goes, its like this: You start off by doing some line dance. Step, step, slide, step step slide, step front, step front, step hold, cross cross cross. Or something like that. Well that's the easy part, no pressure, but halfway trough the song, you have to get with a partner. That's the part that makes me nervous because if you don't find a partner before this part, you are bound to end up alone. Or with someone. What I find scary about this song is that I feel like, what if that other person doesn't want to dance with you? What if they are some creepy person? What if they don't know the partner steps? What if they think I'm weird becasue I turned around and "forced them" to be my partner? So to play safe I stayed close to my sister and started to partner thing with her. And then she ditched me. Just like that! She went to dance with a little girl that had no partner. She mumbled some words to me and then I realized that next to me was a guy with no partner. So I ran away. Literally. I ran out of the dance floor and sat with my parents. Poor guy just stood there looking at the floor. I mean, why didn't he approach me? Why couldn't my sister be the one to go with the guy and me with the little girl? When it comes to guys, I have little confidence, I don't like to throw myself out there. Sorry guys, I will not make the first move. The rest of the party I continued to think of the guy's face. It was a very sad and left-out face. Like a puppy that wants to play and no one pays attention to it. Not only did I feel pathetic, I felt embarrassed because I ran. Maybe because the guy was good-looking, but still. I ran away. Like Cinderella when its midnight. Only my shoes were tied to my ankles so I didn't leave a glass slipper behind. Not like the guy would have made an attempt to look for me anyways.
On a more simple note, I have my first few test of the semester coming up. I didn't go to class today because I woke up nauceous and with pain in my stomach like I had gotten punched, probably because of my pills. We also have CO visit this week, yay! Oh and I'm in debt. If by November I can recover, I'd like to go camping. Its one of those things I have avoided all my life because I feel little appreciation of the outdoors. However, its also one of those things I feel I should experience before I die. Plus I want to have a Marmalade Boy moment!
:P
Monday, September 10, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
When Trying is not Good Enough
I can't figure out how to unfollow two blogs. I don't really know why I followed them in the first place if I never read them. I mean, it even bothers me to see them right there on my dashboard. I think that maybe the first time I read it I thought they were good blogs but then the second and third time I told myself, this blog sucks...why did I bother to follow...
Ever since the eigth grade I've hated Edgar Allen Poe. Now, I know that you are thinnking I've got to be crazy because like my Lit. teacher says, he's got the big "C" of classic stamped all over his work. Well technically he didn't just write one story and became famous. It took him his entire lifetime to be appreciated by the world (when he was alive, the French seemed to be the only ones enjoying his stories). Personally though, the first time I read Poe I thought he was possessed. I was really scared and I had nightmares and what not. So every time I had to read Poe I basically winged it. I was not about to read something I felt no respect for. Ever since then I decided to be very critical to what I read and what I write. So if I don't like something I do not read it. I think everyone should do that.
I'm not a writer, not even close, but I like blogging simply because I can put words to my toughts here and then find out that someone out there took two seconds of their life and gave them to me.
Another reason why I didn't like Poe was because I could not understand what he was saying. I didn't actually learn to dissect a story until I was a freshman. I also don't like Hemingway, Ayn Rand, mmmm.... Well I can't think of any more. But the point is, things are understood better when they are not sprinkled with fancy words, saturated with literary elements, or stuffed with description. Simplicity, voice and style are enough. Everything else is extra. If you over do it, the piece is like eating an entire cake by yourself. Its too much and it will make you sick (English 1301!!!)
This has brought me to think of how much I hate apologies Before you start to point the hypocrite finger at me, let me explain. I'm the kind of person that likes to make things clear. I don't like issues to hang in the air. Life is not about leaving matters unresolved. Even if you look away from the problem, its still there waiting for you to get tired of looking away. I like to apologize, but I think its super awkward to have someone apologize to me. It goes like this:
I have a bad habit of playing with my hair, specially when I talk to boys. I do not at all do this on purpose, it was actually pointed out by two married men. Of course they teased me and bothered me because I am not at all aware that I am doing this. I go into this subconcious state! If you ask me, I can't even remember a single time that I actually did it. At some point, I even thought that they were pulling my leg just to pick on me. But no, apparently I do it...So! One day one of the men comes up to me and apologized to me for making fun of me or picking on me or something like that. In my head I was thinking, "but what's the fault?" I didn't seriously get offended so why was he apologizing? Trust me, if I'm bothered, I cannot help but to show it on my face. Then I will say it and depending on how bothered I am is how upset I will sound. Again, when I don't like something, its very obvious. Anyways, so he goes on apologizing and I started to get all hot and itchy. I'm used to people teasing me, its been done my entire life. At this point, I could hardly care less what is it that I'm being teased about. I just take it and laugh along.
Therefore, its really hard for me to apologize. So when I apologize about something, its because I seriously mean it from my heart. I've given it so much tought that I get super uncomfortable if I don't say something. Which is rare.
Last night I had so much flying in my head that I could not sit still during my meeting. To top it off, my dad realized he had to do a presentation and didn't tell me until literally when we were walking out of the house. I couldn't say no...So I walked out on like paragraph 3 of the book study and just sat in the lobby trying to read this very long presentation. I sort of wish it had been the magazines but it ended up being a presentation like the one we ladies give in the school. The problem was that I was standing in the lobby trying not to cry thinking about my silly life mistakes. Not the right day to give me a last minute anything. I thought about all the people I've let down and how unworthy I was to be giving that part. I didn't want to go up there and look stupid. So my dad comes out after I was gone like ten minutes and he tries really really hard to break it down for me. All I heard were muttered words and my breathing got really tight because I felt bad for him. If it had been ANY other day, I probably could have focused, but yesterday not so much. When it was time to go up, I was shaking. I never shake, I don't get sick, I don't sweat and I don't mess up, period. Yesterday I messed up. Like bad. I couldn't stop thinking about what was in my head. I couldn't remember what the part said and I thought like any second I was going to pass out. I felt sorry for myself. There on stage is a girl who is so insecure, so impatient and so dramatic. There on stage is a girl who has hurt and let down absolutely everyone. There is that girl who doesn't know what she is saying and keeps tripping over the words in front of her. I literally ran off the stage. I went in the bathroom and I cried.
So why is it that if I am so bad, that I have any friends? I have the best friends I could ever ask for. I have the best and most encouraging company I could ask for. I have the best support system! Then I found out someone has cancer and I felt so little. Like, everything that just happened, that IS happening, is nothing compared to cancer.
I still hate Poe, I hate those two blogs I can't figure out how to unfollow, I hate apologies and I hated last night. Compared to cancer though, my life is full of jelly beans! I still have a lot to learn and being the person that I am, I have to agree with Master Yoda, "Do or do not, there is no try." Every one has the right to be wrong, but no one has the right to do wrong.
Ever since the eigth grade I've hated Edgar Allen Poe. Now, I know that you are thinnking I've got to be crazy because like my Lit. teacher says, he's got the big "C" of classic stamped all over his work. Well technically he didn't just write one story and became famous. It took him his entire lifetime to be appreciated by the world (when he was alive, the French seemed to be the only ones enjoying his stories). Personally though, the first time I read Poe I thought he was possessed. I was really scared and I had nightmares and what not. So every time I had to read Poe I basically winged it. I was not about to read something I felt no respect for. Ever since then I decided to be very critical to what I read and what I write. So if I don't like something I do not read it. I think everyone should do that.
I'm not a writer, not even close, but I like blogging simply because I can put words to my toughts here and then find out that someone out there took two seconds of their life and gave them to me.
Another reason why I didn't like Poe was because I could not understand what he was saying. I didn't actually learn to dissect a story until I was a freshman. I also don't like Hemingway, Ayn Rand, mmmm.... Well I can't think of any more. But the point is, things are understood better when they are not sprinkled with fancy words, saturated with literary elements, or stuffed with description. Simplicity, voice and style are enough. Everything else is extra. If you over do it, the piece is like eating an entire cake by yourself. Its too much and it will make you sick (English 1301!!!)
This has brought me to think of how much I hate apologies Before you start to point the hypocrite finger at me, let me explain. I'm the kind of person that likes to make things clear. I don't like issues to hang in the air. Life is not about leaving matters unresolved. Even if you look away from the problem, its still there waiting for you to get tired of looking away. I like to apologize, but I think its super awkward to have someone apologize to me. It goes like this:
I have a bad habit of playing with my hair, specially when I talk to boys. I do not at all do this on purpose, it was actually pointed out by two married men. Of course they teased me and bothered me because I am not at all aware that I am doing this. I go into this subconcious state! If you ask me, I can't even remember a single time that I actually did it. At some point, I even thought that they were pulling my leg just to pick on me. But no, apparently I do it...So! One day one of the men comes up to me and apologized to me for making fun of me or picking on me or something like that. In my head I was thinking, "but what's the fault?" I didn't seriously get offended so why was he apologizing? Trust me, if I'm bothered, I cannot help but to show it on my face. Then I will say it and depending on how bothered I am is how upset I will sound. Again, when I don't like something, its very obvious. Anyways, so he goes on apologizing and I started to get all hot and itchy. I'm used to people teasing me, its been done my entire life. At this point, I could hardly care less what is it that I'm being teased about. I just take it and laugh along.
Therefore, its really hard for me to apologize. So when I apologize about something, its because I seriously mean it from my heart. I've given it so much tought that I get super uncomfortable if I don't say something. Which is rare.
Last night I had so much flying in my head that I could not sit still during my meeting. To top it off, my dad realized he had to do a presentation and didn't tell me until literally when we were walking out of the house. I couldn't say no...So I walked out on like paragraph 3 of the book study and just sat in the lobby trying to read this very long presentation. I sort of wish it had been the magazines but it ended up being a presentation like the one we ladies give in the school. The problem was that I was standing in the lobby trying not to cry thinking about my silly life mistakes. Not the right day to give me a last minute anything. I thought about all the people I've let down and how unworthy I was to be giving that part. I didn't want to go up there and look stupid. So my dad comes out after I was gone like ten minutes and he tries really really hard to break it down for me. All I heard were muttered words and my breathing got really tight because I felt bad for him. If it had been ANY other day, I probably could have focused, but yesterday not so much. When it was time to go up, I was shaking. I never shake, I don't get sick, I don't sweat and I don't mess up, period. Yesterday I messed up. Like bad. I couldn't stop thinking about what was in my head. I couldn't remember what the part said and I thought like any second I was going to pass out. I felt sorry for myself. There on stage is a girl who is so insecure, so impatient and so dramatic. There on stage is a girl who has hurt and let down absolutely everyone. There is that girl who doesn't know what she is saying and keeps tripping over the words in front of her. I literally ran off the stage. I went in the bathroom and I cried.
So why is it that if I am so bad, that I have any friends? I have the best friends I could ever ask for. I have the best and most encouraging company I could ask for. I have the best support system! Then I found out someone has cancer and I felt so little. Like, everything that just happened, that IS happening, is nothing compared to cancer.
I still hate Poe, I hate those two blogs I can't figure out how to unfollow, I hate apologies and I hated last night. Compared to cancer though, my life is full of jelly beans! I still have a lot to learn and being the person that I am, I have to agree with Master Yoda, "Do or do not, there is no try." Every one has the right to be wrong, but no one has the right to do wrong.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Late Night Thoughts
It's two in the morning...
Why in the world am I laying in bed reading my old blogs? Well for one, I took like a three hour nap and although I'm tired, I couldn't fall asleep even if I tried. Two, I really have to go potty but that is none of your business. I have a blog written down but I don't feel like writing it right now because something else is really poking my thoughts. Let me just say that if my parents walk into my room right now and see that I'm doing this, I am going to be in trouble. And I'm almost twenty bloody years old......siiiigh.
A looooong looong loong long time ago I used to be really naive. And immature. And childish. And bouncy. And stupid. And over-confident. Of course, I was a freshman. So its not a surprise to say that like any other fish, I was lost and didn't think too much. Well, now that I know how to think, I sit here and think about how I used to be so I won't be like that again. That way I won't have to hear people say that I'm annoying or childish. Yes, I get it, I'm super smart and full of useless information and I can't help but spit it out at times. I am difficult.
So I have this tiny big problem and I don't feel like bringing it up with my friend because if I do, then I'll have to tell my friend the truth, that I don't think we can be friends anymore because he is acting like a duche. I just like to think it in my head. Or maybe we are friends but right now he's like in time-out corner in my head? I don't know. What ever. Let me tell you what did not happen.
When I was a fish, I used to be really hyper about my new acquaintance that I made over the phone. Those were my days of glory stalking. Although I still possess those skills, I prefer not to use them unless I'm bored. I'm not bored often so its nothing to fear. ( See what I'm doing? I'm avoiding the subject...) Well, when I was a fish, I didn't really know what it was like to have friends outside my circle of friendships. Like, this friend lived far, and didn't go to my school or hall and this friend was not even in my age range. But I really liked talking to this friend even though this friend didn't, or maybe liked to avoid me. I would have avoided me too because of how weird I was being. Well, once all the weirdness went away, I started to share more personal info with this friend and we would talk about my teen problems because like I said, this friend was older and experienced. But then this friend would always tell me, "how come you only call me to talk about your problems or when you need advice or when you want help? how come you never call to say hi or to just chit chat?" I used to think that only couples did that. Friends were there for help. It was funny beause I could talk to this riend about anything and it was ok in my head because we were friends. I mean, what was I supposed to say in a chit chat conversation? "OMG I think so and so is super cute" or "hey, I got an A on my test." Honestly I think that I thought that those were sleepover conversations, or small talk with peers, and I really considered at that time that this friend was really my firend, even though to my friend, I was just the stalker or the acquaintance. At that point in my life all I heard was gibberish until the millionth time that I 'got it' so I called this friend to say hi and have a conversation. That conversation went like this: cricket cricket. So yeah, basically, I still didn't understand what my friend wanted me to talk about on the phone. Like, I knew my friend made a point by telling me I only called when it was about me but I didn't know how to fix it so I continued to call when I needed me-time. Selfish right? Well, like I said, this was a looooong time ago.
Well, it took five years for me to get it...
The roles have been switched. I am now my friend and I have another friend who is being me. It goes like this: We met like a year ago and hit it off really well. No creepy feeling, no next-day texting, no intimate convos, just simple nonsense texting getting to know each other. We really wanted to hang out and stuff and I laughed a lot. I really liked talking to this friend. Then out of no where, the conversations got personal. Being the person that I am, I can't help to fill in the gaps of people's lives. When they can't explain something, I make it clear. When they need to be put back in reality I shove them. When they need venting I instigate. So I thought I was being considerate of this friend's feelings. Of course, then my friend started to want advice very often until that was the only time when I heard from this person. And I'm like really? What bothers me is that we are not talking about a freshman situation anymore. We are talking about an adult. Shoot myself in the foot for being so nice!
I'm not a life coach, I'm not a counselor, I'm not Dr. Phill or Maury. I'm not a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. I'm an English major college student that reads a lot and likes to think. But I also have feelings and my feelings are hurt. So in honor of the friend that first told me "how come you only call me to talk about your problems or when you need advice or when you want help? how come you never call to say hi or to just chit chat?", this blog is for you. I am sorry for being soooo selfish. I now understand what you meant and if I could tell you this in person I would, but, I don't think you would forgive me now, much less listen to me. I am truly honestly sorry for being a duchebag and only calling you when I needed you. I'm sorry I bothered you with all my life troubles and my boy drama. You gave me the best advice anyone could ask for and you taught me a lot about life, so much that up to this point, my life has not been a surprise to me. Please forgive me. Please. I was young and dumb and it obviously took this long to get it because its finally slapping me in the face. So, I'm sorry.
To my friend being the douchebag now, I'm tired of texting you and you not caring to carry out a conversation. I do not want to see you next Saturday or in the forseeable future. At least not until you stop being a duche and start acting like you did when we first met. I do not want to give you advice. I am so disappointed at your hang-out plans which btw, let me and some other people down because you invited US and then decided not to go. I think I know why you are being negligent with your friends and honestly you're in for a big fat nasty disappointment. But I'm not going to bother to tell you because I don't honestly care what happens. Oh and PS, remember that I'm 99.9% always right. When it happens I will know because once again, you will return to me for advice and I will press 'delete.' In fact, you won't ever know that I don't care anymore becuase you are not going to read this blog. People in Malaysia and Russia ( Russians love my blog the second most after the USA) will read this blog and say, kdjoe skfiej kjdofiekf lksifkj lsifjee ( that is my russian!) and continue their lives. I will continue my life without you becuse you said we were good friends, emphasis on good, and now you are proving to be the absolute worst. You're not only using me, you are refusing to admit that you are doing it and excusing yourself by being "busy," Well guess what? I've always been busy but never busy enough to say hi or solve one of your life tangles. You hurt my feelings.
In 2011 skipped like three months of blogging. I never want to do that again. (2:53 AM)
Why in the world am I laying in bed reading my old blogs? Well for one, I took like a three hour nap and although I'm tired, I couldn't fall asleep even if I tried. Two, I really have to go potty but that is none of your business. I have a blog written down but I don't feel like writing it right now because something else is really poking my thoughts. Let me just say that if my parents walk into my room right now and see that I'm doing this, I am going to be in trouble. And I'm almost twenty bloody years old......siiiigh.
A looooong looong loong long time ago I used to be really naive. And immature. And childish. And bouncy. And stupid. And over-confident. Of course, I was a freshman. So its not a surprise to say that like any other fish, I was lost and didn't think too much. Well, now that I know how to think, I sit here and think about how I used to be so I won't be like that again. That way I won't have to hear people say that I'm annoying or childish. Yes, I get it, I'm super smart and full of useless information and I can't help but spit it out at times. I am difficult.
So I have this tiny big problem and I don't feel like bringing it up with my friend because if I do, then I'll have to tell my friend the truth, that I don't think we can be friends anymore because he is acting like a duche. I just like to think it in my head. Or maybe we are friends but right now he's like in time-out corner in my head? I don't know. What ever. Let me tell you what did not happen.
When I was a fish, I used to be really hyper about my new acquaintance that I made over the phone. Those were my days of glory stalking. Although I still possess those skills, I prefer not to use them unless I'm bored. I'm not bored often so its nothing to fear. ( See what I'm doing? I'm avoiding the subject...) Well, when I was a fish, I didn't really know what it was like to have friends outside my circle of friendships. Like, this friend lived far, and didn't go to my school or hall and this friend was not even in my age range. But I really liked talking to this friend even though this friend didn't, or maybe liked to avoid me. I would have avoided me too because of how weird I was being. Well, once all the weirdness went away, I started to share more personal info with this friend and we would talk about my teen problems because like I said, this friend was older and experienced. But then this friend would always tell me, "how come you only call me to talk about your problems or when you need advice or when you want help? how come you never call to say hi or to just chit chat?" I used to think that only couples did that. Friends were there for help. It was funny beause I could talk to this riend about anything and it was ok in my head because we were friends. I mean, what was I supposed to say in a chit chat conversation? "OMG I think so and so is super cute" or "hey, I got an A on my test." Honestly I think that I thought that those were sleepover conversations, or small talk with peers, and I really considered at that time that this friend was really my firend, even though to my friend, I was just the stalker or the acquaintance. At that point in my life all I heard was gibberish until the millionth time that I 'got it' so I called this friend to say hi and have a conversation. That conversation went like this: cricket cricket. So yeah, basically, I still didn't understand what my friend wanted me to talk about on the phone. Like, I knew my friend made a point by telling me I only called when it was about me but I didn't know how to fix it so I continued to call when I needed me-time. Selfish right? Well, like I said, this was a looooong time ago.
Well, it took five years for me to get it...
The roles have been switched. I am now my friend and I have another friend who is being me. It goes like this: We met like a year ago and hit it off really well. No creepy feeling, no next-day texting, no intimate convos, just simple nonsense texting getting to know each other. We really wanted to hang out and stuff and I laughed a lot. I really liked talking to this friend. Then out of no where, the conversations got personal. Being the person that I am, I can't help to fill in the gaps of people's lives. When they can't explain something, I make it clear. When they need to be put back in reality I shove them. When they need venting I instigate. So I thought I was being considerate of this friend's feelings. Of course, then my friend started to want advice very often until that was the only time when I heard from this person. And I'm like really? What bothers me is that we are not talking about a freshman situation anymore. We are talking about an adult. Shoot myself in the foot for being so nice!
I'm not a life coach, I'm not a counselor, I'm not Dr. Phill or Maury. I'm not a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. I'm an English major college student that reads a lot and likes to think. But I also have feelings and my feelings are hurt. So in honor of the friend that first told me "how come you only call me to talk about your problems or when you need advice or when you want help? how come you never call to say hi or to just chit chat?", this blog is for you. I am sorry for being soooo selfish. I now understand what you meant and if I could tell you this in person I would, but, I don't think you would forgive me now, much less listen to me. I am truly honestly sorry for being a duchebag and only calling you when I needed you. I'm sorry I bothered you with all my life troubles and my boy drama. You gave me the best advice anyone could ask for and you taught me a lot about life, so much that up to this point, my life has not been a surprise to me. Please forgive me. Please. I was young and dumb and it obviously took this long to get it because its finally slapping me in the face. So, I'm sorry.
To my friend being the douchebag now, I'm tired of texting you and you not caring to carry out a conversation. I do not want to see you next Saturday or in the forseeable future. At least not until you stop being a duche and start acting like you did when we first met. I do not want to give you advice. I am so disappointed at your hang-out plans which btw, let me and some other people down because you invited US and then decided not to go. I think I know why you are being negligent with your friends and honestly you're in for a big fat nasty disappointment. But I'm not going to bother to tell you because I don't honestly care what happens. Oh and PS, remember that I'm 99.9% always right. When it happens I will know because once again, you will return to me for advice and I will press 'delete.' In fact, you won't ever know that I don't care anymore becuase you are not going to read this blog. People in Malaysia and Russia ( Russians love my blog the second most after the USA) will read this blog and say, kdjoe skfiej kjdofiekf lksifkj lsifjee ( that is my russian!) and continue their lives. I will continue my life without you becuse you said we were good friends, emphasis on good, and now you are proving to be the absolute worst. You're not only using me, you are refusing to admit that you are doing it and excusing yourself by being "busy," Well guess what? I've always been busy but never busy enough to say hi or solve one of your life tangles. You hurt my feelings.
In 2011 skipped like three months of blogging. I never want to do that again. (2:53 AM)
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