So my friends now call my blog "The B" which I think is very cute. Also, someone get me a teacup pig. I will name him Fred and Fred will be cute and small and pink. I wanted to talk about love today.
On the real.
I've been in love once but unfortunately love turned out to be too much responsibility. I mean love is a big deal and it cannot possibly be healthy at a young age. In order for love to happen, there have to be a lot of factors involved (I am very uncomfortably positioned as I write this so I'll probably keep it short).
Every morning for the past three or so weeks I've been waking up feeling relieved and proud of myself. Many times I've stated that the most important thing for me right now is to pioneer and to finish school. Anything that gets in the way of that is a distraction. Boys included. However, I was watching this anime a few days ago and it was about some boys. Well, these boys asked this girl how they could get a girl to like them or what kind of guys girls liked or something like that. The girl first claimed to not know even though she herself was girl but then she told the boys that girls fall for boys that tell them that they like them if the boy has a pretty face. So I realize this sounds confusing so I'm going to show you the two cases:
*boy with pretty face*
I like you...
You do?
yes...
I do too...
*boy without pretty face*
I like you...
oh...really?
yes...do you like me?
I don't really know...but I don't think so...
I realize that this seems biased and that it leaves ugly boys at a. huge disadvantage but this is true. I know it sounds crazy but it is true. I mean, think about it. If Adam Levine went up to a girl and told her that he liked her as random as it seems, the girl would automatically fall for him. The only reason why this is true is because a girl would never talk to a guy that she doesn't find physically attractive in some way. Mind blowing right???
So if you are a boy out there and you are talking to a girl at night, feel privileged. The girl finds you attractive enough to stay awake and talk about idiocies. What about what is morally right to do though?? Mind you that this is not what I think, this is what I was taught to think based on true knowledge that is available to everyone. Any interaction between the opposite sexes that has no boundaries is bound to lead into very unwanted feelings and situations. I might sound like a hypocrite and I am not going to excuse myself. I have talked to guys past decent hours of the night. I have flirted before. I have provoked situations and feelings that I later regretted. I've also been hurt and used on the disadvantage that I put myself in that situation. Talking to guys is not wrong, its not immoral, and its not a sin. Of course its what you talk about and who you talk to that can potentially lead to trouble.
I'm a girl. Obviously. I know how girls think and I know their tricks. I know because I am a girl and I've used every card on the deck. I know where a girl is trying to get at by seeing the way she talks to the opposite sex and how she behaves. I know because I am a girl and I've seen it and done it and felt it and heard it and you can't fool me. NO sir, you can't. Although it is true that I tolerate a lot of things, it does not mean that I agree with them. I am just as guilty as every other girl.
I'm also guilty for falling for a guy that tells me he likes me (with a pretty face of course). And just as fast as I climbed on cloud nine, I jumped off. Guys are...guys. They are carnal. Girls...we are emotional. Unfortunately I am right when I wish I wasn't. That is why we are told to draw a line with the opposite sex. Well, I've decided to cave a trench, not a line. A line is much too easy to cross, but a trench takes effort and guys don't like to put effort into many things. I realize I am being general and blunt but it is what it is. As for right now I think I've said more than enough.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
Bunnies in Heaven?
I am in my Ethics class pretending to take notes. Class started over half an hour ago and the teacher has been rambling nonsense. Now we are starting the lecture on moral philosophy.
The past two weeks have been quite a challenge for me. I talked a little about my sister being in the ER but even the week before that I had finals and my car was very broken. Well my car was fixed, my sister got better and I passed all my classes. And then Wednesday happened. I haven't even been taking my medicine properly because of what a wreck its been.
Technically I had a debate in my head for the past few months so let me fill you in.
When I was little my grandpa's sister used to take care of me and my sister. Technically that makes her my tia-abuela but because she took care of us while my parents worked, we used to call her Mamá Cuca. We were with her Monday through Friday and holidays. She would pick us up from school, feed us dinner, bathe us and made sure we did our homework. In reality we had two homes and two mothers. My childhood is filled with memories in that house. Well my Mamá Cuca made this special arrangement at some point where we would go to my grandma's house every Friday to spend time with her and my great grandma. We always looked forward to Fridays. My grandma would make us fried fish and soup and she would give us carrots which she would carve hearts in and fill with lemon and salt. We would play in boxes and get wet in the patio. She would also let us look at my dad's miniature toy collection that he got from pastry packages when he was a kid. Sometimes we would go to the store or to the park in front of her house.
The day my parents found out that my Mamá Cuca was letting us spend time with my grandma, my mom flipped out. She had a good reason too. You see reader, my grandma's house was not a peaceful environment. My uncle was schizophrenic. Obviously back then there was not a lot of knowledge on the disease and the doctors just thought he had a bad temper. When he was finally diagnosed, he wouldn't take his medicine. This made him that much more violent. My mom also recounts many times when my grandma, great grandma, and uncle would get in physical altercations. Plus the fact that when they got mad, they would stop talking to each other for many, many days. I think my mom had a good reason to be concerned.
However, I don't remember anything crazy or dangerous happening any of the times that we were at my grandma's. All the memories I have about my uncle are nice. All the memories I have about my grandma and great grandma were about loving actions. In my mind I loved going there, especially on Christmas because my grandma makes the best punch ever.
My mom also talks about how she was abused by my grandma. I'm not really sure I'm supposed to be talking about this but I need to. Well, my grandma raised my dad by herself. My dad carries my great grandpa's last name and he called him dad. It is said that my dad actually met his real dad when he was young only once, but he doesn't remember. My great grandpa used to say when my mom was pregnant with me that I was going to be a girl and he used to get all sad that he would die before meeting me. He died shortly before I was born. My grandma though, did not like my mom. She still doesn't. And my great grandma always talked bad about my mom to my dad.
Lots of unnecessary tension. NONE of which I remember.
My great grandma though...she has a lot of history. I mean that tends to happen when you live 9 decades. But anyways, my great grandma was always so sweet to us. She even gave us money sometimes which was a big deal because my sister and I got a lot more valuable things from her. I cannot say that I have a bad memory of her. My great grandma was a very strong person. Even in her last days she refused to die. She was so old and sick and weak and she still would not die.
Genealogically I don't know who I am. My dad's family tree is completely screwed up. I have no idea what my paternal grandfather's medical history looks like. In all valid truth, I have no idea who I am in history. I had a lot of questions for my great grandma about all of this, and then again I was embarrassed to ask because I was not supposed to know. And what's worse is that I avoided talking to her because she would pity herself in her sick state. I feel slightly bad and slightly relieved. I'm not sad that she died, I'm just sad that I never told her how I truly felt. I never told her how grateful I was for keeping my paternal family semi-together. I never told her that I appreciated all my childhood memories in her house and with my grandma.
Maybe I'll see her in paradise.
I shouldn't care about genealogic matters but deep down inside I feel like half of me is inexistent. In ancient societies it was very important to know who you were, nowadays it doesn't matter. My only relief is that this system is coming to an end and in paradise I may be able to get some answers.
Until that day I comes, I have to sit in this class listen to my professor talk about something that I neither believe or have an interest on...
PS: Two people think that I was writing about Bunny. But I'm not so if you got to this sentence thinking that I would, then you're a NOOB!!!
The past two weeks have been quite a challenge for me. I talked a little about my sister being in the ER but even the week before that I had finals and my car was very broken. Well my car was fixed, my sister got better and I passed all my classes. And then Wednesday happened. I haven't even been taking my medicine properly because of what a wreck its been.
Technically I had a debate in my head for the past few months so let me fill you in.
When I was little my grandpa's sister used to take care of me and my sister. Technically that makes her my tia-abuela but because she took care of us while my parents worked, we used to call her Mamá Cuca. We were with her Monday through Friday and holidays. She would pick us up from school, feed us dinner, bathe us and made sure we did our homework. In reality we had two homes and two mothers. My childhood is filled with memories in that house. Well my Mamá Cuca made this special arrangement at some point where we would go to my grandma's house every Friday to spend time with her and my great grandma. We always looked forward to Fridays. My grandma would make us fried fish and soup and she would give us carrots which she would carve hearts in and fill with lemon and salt. We would play in boxes and get wet in the patio. She would also let us look at my dad's miniature toy collection that he got from pastry packages when he was a kid. Sometimes we would go to the store or to the park in front of her house.
The day my parents found out that my Mamá Cuca was letting us spend time with my grandma, my mom flipped out. She had a good reason too. You see reader, my grandma's house was not a peaceful environment. My uncle was schizophrenic. Obviously back then there was not a lot of knowledge on the disease and the doctors just thought he had a bad temper. When he was finally diagnosed, he wouldn't take his medicine. This made him that much more violent. My mom also recounts many times when my grandma, great grandma, and uncle would get in physical altercations. Plus the fact that when they got mad, they would stop talking to each other for many, many days. I think my mom had a good reason to be concerned.
However, I don't remember anything crazy or dangerous happening any of the times that we were at my grandma's. All the memories I have about my uncle are nice. All the memories I have about my grandma and great grandma were about loving actions. In my mind I loved going there, especially on Christmas because my grandma makes the best punch ever.
My mom also talks about how she was abused by my grandma. I'm not really sure I'm supposed to be talking about this but I need to. Well, my grandma raised my dad by herself. My dad carries my great grandpa's last name and he called him dad. It is said that my dad actually met his real dad when he was young only once, but he doesn't remember. My great grandpa used to say when my mom was pregnant with me that I was going to be a girl and he used to get all sad that he would die before meeting me. He died shortly before I was born. My grandma though, did not like my mom. She still doesn't. And my great grandma always talked bad about my mom to my dad.
Lots of unnecessary tension. NONE of which I remember.
My great grandma though...she has a lot of history. I mean that tends to happen when you live 9 decades. But anyways, my great grandma was always so sweet to us. She even gave us money sometimes which was a big deal because my sister and I got a lot more valuable things from her. I cannot say that I have a bad memory of her. My great grandma was a very strong person. Even in her last days she refused to die. She was so old and sick and weak and she still would not die.
Genealogically I don't know who I am. My dad's family tree is completely screwed up. I have no idea what my paternal grandfather's medical history looks like. In all valid truth, I have no idea who I am in history. I had a lot of questions for my great grandma about all of this, and then again I was embarrassed to ask because I was not supposed to know. And what's worse is that I avoided talking to her because she would pity herself in her sick state. I feel slightly bad and slightly relieved. I'm not sad that she died, I'm just sad that I never told her how I truly felt. I never told her how grateful I was for keeping my paternal family semi-together. I never told her that I appreciated all my childhood memories in her house and with my grandma.
Maybe I'll see her in paradise.
I shouldn't care about genealogic matters but deep down inside I feel like half of me is inexistent. In ancient societies it was very important to know who you were, nowadays it doesn't matter. My only relief is that this system is coming to an end and in paradise I may be able to get some answers.
Until that day I comes, I have to sit in this class listen to my professor talk about something that I neither believe or have an interest on...
PS: Two people think that I was writing about Bunny. But I'm not so if you got to this sentence thinking that I would, then you're a NOOB!!!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Staying Pink!
Its not that I am trying to make up for my absence but I might as well get this out of my head.
1. I wrote a blog that I cannot stand. Its stupid and its embarrassing and I wish I could take it down. I have a rule as a writer and that is that everything I write stays up. Nothing comes down and that is the end of it. I hate myself for doing this but then again, I blog what I feel and think at the moment so I cannot say that what I felt of thought at the moment was dumb. It is how I felt and that is it.
2. I put my first person on my 'reject call' list last week!!! This made me feel so powerful because I actually took control of my emotions which is a huge step into adulthood. I am an adult, I've been one for the past two (almost three) years, but, I don't feel it. I still feel 18 but a more tired version of 18.
3. Ever since I was in high school I have loved lists. I love making them and thinking of them and accomplishing them. I just love lists. It makes me feel organized because I am not. I am a mess. I will admit that my room is not always clean or picked up. Unlike my sister, I don't have the patience to put stuff away in perfect order every time it needs to be put away. My excuse is that my room is a refletion of what is going on in my head and therefore if my head is a mess, my life is a mess, and my room is a mess. I'm not lazy, I just have other more important things to do. One day I will get better at this, when I have proper furniture to fit things the way I want to.
5. December 18th 2012 was the day it was announced in my Spanish congregation that I was leaving to the French. However, I started going regularly on the first Tuesday of the month of November of the same year. So although my official anniversary is not until tomorrow, I can say that I have been one year in the French congregation and I feel super comfortable with the language. In fact, I'm so comfortable and I feel so encouraged by these lovely people that I am working towards my pioneer goal. Finally after being in the truth for eight years, it is happening.
6. Once again, I have come to the conclusion that in the U.S. healthcare sucks. This past weekend my sister had to be rushed to the ER because she kept vomiting all day. She could not even keep water down. They diagnosed her with a UTI and finally sent her home after then had poked and probed her and could no longer giver her medicine (after three shots and a liter of fluids). Then on Monday she texted me telling me she could not breath and had chest pain so again I had to rush her to the ER because she was wheezing horrible and bending from the pain. The doctors then decided they didn't think she had a UTI and it was just the Flu. I mean...12 years in medical school and you can't get it right with two urine samples and two blood samples, and EKG, a CAT scan and an X-ray? I cannot wait for the bill to come in. Seriously I was so scared and stressed and my poor sister is still feeling chest pain. What caused it? WHO KNOWS!!!
7. We've had such a cold winter this year just as I had predicted! Since this summer was not hot for Texas, I just knew it would be cold during the winter and boy was I right! My year has sucked so so so much but its nice to have something amazing happen.
8. I did not mean to write a list but this is what came out so oh well. I like lists. Also, I've become obsessed with online shopping since I get more coupons than I can use.
9. Much to my dismay I have realized that even though I love my job, I need a new one. With my recent medical diagnosis, which I don't like to talk about in detail, I have come to the conclusion that even though I am sleepy, I can function the whole day. I know this to be true because I did it in high school and my first two years in college. However, having a job with a split shift makes it ten times harder to stay awake. I need either a full time job or an afternoon job. I cannot do this split shift nonsense. My school issues have not stopped disappointing me. All my classes will be online until I graduate and here I am against home-school now having to do it. It sucks like no other. So home school, a split shift and my medical issues have made me realize that if I don't get a full time job or a non-split shift job, I will eventually crash at the wheel. Scary stuff.
10. My acne is getting better! But my hair is not. In May when I quit my old job I went crazy and cut my hair (not with my stylist) and she messed it up. Being the hair person that I am I got over it in like an hour and decided I liked it because everyone else liked it. Well that is with the exception of one person but he's not important. Finally my hair grew back to normality and I went with my stylist and she gave me the flirtiest bob I've ever had. I loved it like love at first sight. Then one day I didn't straighten it to see how it would look curly short. Except it didn't curl. That is when I realized something was terribly wrong with a section at the bottom by my nape. It felt like burned plastic. Of course I freaked out. I stopped straightening my hair to see if other parts were damaged and indeed there was a lot of damage. Heat damage (after I researched it) is not like frying your hair or ruining it because of hair dye or perms. Heat damage on curly hair is when your hair is not curly anymore. Well that is at least how I understood it. It happens after applying heat over a long period of time and the only way to get rid of it completely is to cut it all off. I'm not cutting it again. Don't get me wrong, I love short hair for many reasons but I also like my medium-long curly hair (never long, always medium-long). I've had bobs many times in the past and they always grow back to normality so this is the first time I have heat damage. After intense research I found that coconut oil and coconut juice will help the healing process ( and the regrowth). I will post a link at the end of the video that's helped me find a cure to my hair. I need a haircut now but I started with the oil and water and expensive shampoo and my hair feels silky. Its still not curly but at least its nice that I don't have to do anything to it because it just falls flat/wavy. I will continue to post about the progress of my hair as it gets better.
Curly Hair Heat Damage > This is the video that helped me identify my problem and how to solve it.
SunKissAlba > This is the link to the playlist of the YouTuber for the heat damage tips. I know my hair was never as curly as hers but I still had curly hair so I recommend her.
Stay Pink!
1. I wrote a blog that I cannot stand. Its stupid and its embarrassing and I wish I could take it down. I have a rule as a writer and that is that everything I write stays up. Nothing comes down and that is the end of it. I hate myself for doing this but then again, I blog what I feel and think at the moment so I cannot say that what I felt of thought at the moment was dumb. It is how I felt and that is it.
2. I put my first person on my 'reject call' list last week!!! This made me feel so powerful because I actually took control of my emotions which is a huge step into adulthood. I am an adult, I've been one for the past two (almost three) years, but, I don't feel it. I still feel 18 but a more tired version of 18.
3. Ever since I was in high school I have loved lists. I love making them and thinking of them and accomplishing them. I just love lists. It makes me feel organized because I am not. I am a mess. I will admit that my room is not always clean or picked up. Unlike my sister, I don't have the patience to put stuff away in perfect order every time it needs to be put away. My excuse is that my room is a refletion of what is going on in my head and therefore if my head is a mess, my life is a mess, and my room is a mess. I'm not lazy, I just have other more important things to do. One day I will get better at this, when I have proper furniture to fit things the way I want to.
5. December 18th 2012 was the day it was announced in my Spanish congregation that I was leaving to the French. However, I started going regularly on the first Tuesday of the month of November of the same year. So although my official anniversary is not until tomorrow, I can say that I have been one year in the French congregation and I feel super comfortable with the language. In fact, I'm so comfortable and I feel so encouraged by these lovely people that I am working towards my pioneer goal. Finally after being in the truth for eight years, it is happening.
6. Once again, I have come to the conclusion that in the U.S. healthcare sucks. This past weekend my sister had to be rushed to the ER because she kept vomiting all day. She could not even keep water down. They diagnosed her with a UTI and finally sent her home after then had poked and probed her and could no longer giver her medicine (after three shots and a liter of fluids). Then on Monday she texted me telling me she could not breath and had chest pain so again I had to rush her to the ER because she was wheezing horrible and bending from the pain. The doctors then decided they didn't think she had a UTI and it was just the Flu. I mean...12 years in medical school and you can't get it right with two urine samples and two blood samples, and EKG, a CAT scan and an X-ray? I cannot wait for the bill to come in. Seriously I was so scared and stressed and my poor sister is still feeling chest pain. What caused it? WHO KNOWS!!!
7. We've had such a cold winter this year just as I had predicted! Since this summer was not hot for Texas, I just knew it would be cold during the winter and boy was I right! My year has sucked so so so much but its nice to have something amazing happen.
8. I did not mean to write a list but this is what came out so oh well. I like lists. Also, I've become obsessed with online shopping since I get more coupons than I can use.
9. Much to my dismay I have realized that even though I love my job, I need a new one. With my recent medical diagnosis, which I don't like to talk about in detail, I have come to the conclusion that even though I am sleepy, I can function the whole day. I know this to be true because I did it in high school and my first two years in college. However, having a job with a split shift makes it ten times harder to stay awake. I need either a full time job or an afternoon job. I cannot do this split shift nonsense. My school issues have not stopped disappointing me. All my classes will be online until I graduate and here I am against home-school now having to do it. It sucks like no other. So home school, a split shift and my medical issues have made me realize that if I don't get a full time job or a non-split shift job, I will eventually crash at the wheel. Scary stuff.
10. My acne is getting better! But my hair is not. In May when I quit my old job I went crazy and cut my hair (not with my stylist) and she messed it up. Being the hair person that I am I got over it in like an hour and decided I liked it because everyone else liked it. Well that is with the exception of one person but he's not important. Finally my hair grew back to normality and I went with my stylist and she gave me the flirtiest bob I've ever had. I loved it like love at first sight. Then one day I didn't straighten it to see how it would look curly short. Except it didn't curl. That is when I realized something was terribly wrong with a section at the bottom by my nape. It felt like burned plastic. Of course I freaked out. I stopped straightening my hair to see if other parts were damaged and indeed there was a lot of damage. Heat damage (after I researched it) is not like frying your hair or ruining it because of hair dye or perms. Heat damage on curly hair is when your hair is not curly anymore. Well that is at least how I understood it. It happens after applying heat over a long period of time and the only way to get rid of it completely is to cut it all off. I'm not cutting it again. Don't get me wrong, I love short hair for many reasons but I also like my medium-long curly hair (never long, always medium-long). I've had bobs many times in the past and they always grow back to normality so this is the first time I have heat damage. After intense research I found that coconut oil and coconut juice will help the healing process ( and the regrowth). I will post a link at the end of the video that's helped me find a cure to my hair. I need a haircut now but I started with the oil and water and expensive shampoo and my hair feels silky. Its still not curly but at least its nice that I don't have to do anything to it because it just falls flat/wavy. I will continue to post about the progress of my hair as it gets better.
Curly Hair Heat Damage > This is the video that helped me identify my problem and how to solve it.
SunKissAlba > This is the link to the playlist of the YouTuber for the heat damage tips. I know my hair was never as curly as hers but I still had curly hair so I recommend her.
Stay Pink!
A Brick to the Head
There comes a time when people realize they have said too much and it is physically and literally impossible to take it back. Once those words leave that big hole on your face, it is too late. I'm not saying that its always a bad thing, but it can be. It can ruin so many things and spread so many rumors. Well today I realized I have a REALLY big mouth...
Not that I didn't know that already...but that's irrelevant.
So I was laying on the couch today watching one of my favorite shows when all of a sudden my sister tells me that one of our guy friends texted her asking her if we had had lunch yet. She replied no and then she tells me that he asked if she had gotten her burger (which she had been craving for a while) to which she replied no. Now, let it be noted that two days ago, I made him feel guilty for a certain thing and I told him he could make it up by taking us out to eat. Knowing how stingy he is, I figured he would say no and forget about it, but turns out that he actually invited us to eat. Pretty nice gesture of the guy.
He's sweet.
So there we were, the three of us, eating our burgers with our load of fries talking like the old friends we are when all of a sudden I bring up something that I was not aware that he was unaware of. Until of course I saw his reaction and I immediately said some profane stuff in my head. Big mistake. Before I knew it, he was laughing and making fun of me. Here is the situation (and a life realization I had a few nights ago)
I met this one guy we are going to call bunny. One day we were out in service and he started to talk about a recent natural disaster . He had this sad look on his face, almost like if he could see it in front of him but far away. Me being the childish person I used to be decided to say that in our town nothing exciting ever happened. "Not even a flood" I said. My mistake because he got so offended. It took me several years to admit that it was very imprudent of me to say that, but, ever since that moment something has bothered me. And I mean that to the very hardcore definition of the word. Not only that but it got a lot worse when all the girls started to have a crush on him. Too bad for all of them because I was the first girl he asked out to dance. Ever since that bloody day my mother has made it her goal to remind me every single day that I should look at guys like him as a dating prospect... More fuel for my loath!!! Then came my grandma and my aunts and they all agreed and pestered me with the idea!!! Then came two older (and married) friends who tease me every time they can on the matter!!! I don't understand why...but I can't stand the dude to save his life. I know its not his fault, he's never done anything to me except be nice. Honestly I appreciate him more than I'll ever admit but that's not the point.
[ I take that back...I can stand the dude. It just drives me nuts that so many people tease me when they know very clearly that I have other love interests. He's pretty cool and I have learned to like to be around him. I actually look forward to hanging out to see what kind of debate we will get into but then again, its hard to figure out what he's thinking...so I keep my distance.]
My mom always told me there is a fine line between love and hate. I always told her she was crazy. Well just the other night I was laying on my bed thinking and texting my best friend. I guess I was having one of those down moods. Anyways, she was telling me a few things to get me to think logically so she decided to come to my house so we could draft my "Perfect Guy List" (which I am thinking of making a blog of its own). With all that in mind I had to explain to her that I had a life realization. Its one of those BAM! moments that hit you like a brick falling from the sky out of nowhere. All I could think of was to get up and write this blog. Except this blog has taken me months to publish. And I mean months. As I had stated in another blog, the older I get, the harder it is for me to write because I am simply too busy or too tired. I know I have not been keeping up and trust me, I want to. Today when I logged on I realized that ever since I posted my blog link on my bio of my Instagram account, I have a ton more views. No longer is "no one" reading my blog... Which is why I really have to think extremely thoroughly what I am going to publish. Which is why this blog took months. So without further ado, here is my realization.
When you love someone you want to be with them all the time. You say gushy mushy stuff and talk on the phone and text. You also make promises to each other. Of course sometimes you get mad but in the end its all about compromise. Love is a lot of things but before it happens, one must realize that the person you love has the potential possibility to not disappoint you.
LET ME EXPLAIN BECAUSE I KNOW A LOT OF YOU ARE DISAGREEING!!!
People naturally expect people that they feel close to will never do or say anything to let them down. Technically this is not true all the time because we are all imperfect and make mistakes. Also, friends disagree sometimes, but I am not talking about imperfection and disagreement. I am simply stating that someone that you trust is not going to break your trust or hurt you. Simple. Of course, you can't go around trusting everyone in hope that they will keep your secrets. It takes time for a person to reach that relationship level with someone, and not just time, but actions. Actions define people more than words so when someone proves to you through actions that they deserve your trust and friendship then you move on to the next level. How close and how open you decide to be has nothing to do with this. Human behavior throughout history has proven that we are social creatures that like to be around other humans. We were created to have companions in our lives. So where does hate come into all of this?
Someone you hate will never disappoint you.
BAM!!! *brick to the head*
Love and hate are the same because someone you love is unlikely to disappoint you and someone you hate is unlikely to disappoint you. The two most powerful emotions in this world are basically the same thing. Amazing right?
Hating someone takes a lot of effort and thinking. It almost takes as much effort as loving someone. You have to think about it for a long time before you can honestly say that you hate something or someone (hate is a strong word and technically we shouldn't hate anyone...but strongly disliking someone is really what I mean). Having realized this and being able to finally word it in the most complicated of terms (because my goal is to confuse you enough so that at the end of this reading you will forget and not bring it up to me in person), I have come to the conclusion that if I like someone that I hate, its ok. In fact, its probably better because I won't expect anything out of the other person. I am kidding. No I am not. Actually I don't know.
Everyone around me is getting married or engaged or simply dating. I am talking about the people who I grew up with. People I used to play with as a child. I see this as a sign of me aging but I still don't want to fall into the dating culture. I will date when I freaking please it because I have better and more important things to do. Currently I am working on getting my B.A. in English with a Secondary Education certification so I can teach the children no one else wants to teach: pubescent kids. Also, I am a pioneer in training (YAY!!!) because I truly and honestly believe that I have the best congregation in the world and its been a year since I moved there ( it is actually December 17th 2013...remember I started typing this months ago so the date might be different). Lastly, I have not been to Paris yet. I must go to Paris before this world ends.
Well, that is my opinion and that is why I am writing this. A lot of things make sense in my head and only in my head. Dear reader, if you are reading this its because you are curious as to what I have to ramble about, or you are bored. Perhaps there is a 1% chance that you actually enjoy this nonsense even if it makes no sense or if I whine a lot (which I am aware that I do often) and if you do, I thank you from the bottom of my crazy heart.
PS, this is currently my most favorite song. Its sad and its not but it says everything that I am thinking right about this second. Love, Pink Lady
Not that I didn't know that already...but that's irrelevant.
So I was laying on the couch today watching one of my favorite shows when all of a sudden my sister tells me that one of our guy friends texted her asking her if we had had lunch yet. She replied no and then she tells me that he asked if she had gotten her burger (which she had been craving for a while) to which she replied no. Now, let it be noted that two days ago, I made him feel guilty for a certain thing and I told him he could make it up by taking us out to eat. Knowing how stingy he is, I figured he would say no and forget about it, but turns out that he actually invited us to eat. Pretty nice gesture of the guy.
He's sweet.
So there we were, the three of us, eating our burgers with our load of fries talking like the old friends we are when all of a sudden I bring up something that I was not aware that he was unaware of. Until of course I saw his reaction and I immediately said some profane stuff in my head. Big mistake. Before I knew it, he was laughing and making fun of me. Here is the situation (and a life realization I had a few nights ago)
I met this one guy we are going to call bunny. One day we were out in service and he started to talk about a recent natural disaster . He had this sad look on his face, almost like if he could see it in front of him but far away. Me being the childish person I used to be decided to say that in our town nothing exciting ever happened. "Not even a flood" I said. My mistake because he got so offended. It took me several years to admit that it was very imprudent of me to say that, but, ever since that moment something has bothered me. And I mean that to the very hardcore definition of the word. Not only that but it got a lot worse when all the girls started to have a crush on him. Too bad for all of them because I was the first girl he asked out to dance. Ever since that bloody day my mother has made it her goal to remind me every single day that I should look at guys like him as a dating prospect... More fuel for my loath!!! Then came my grandma and my aunts and they all agreed and pestered me with the idea!!! Then came two older (and married) friends who tease me every time they can on the matter!!! I don't understand why...but I can't stand the dude to save his life. I know its not his fault, he's never done anything to me except be nice. Honestly I appreciate him more than I'll ever admit but that's not the point.
[ I take that back...I can stand the dude. It just drives me nuts that so many people tease me when they know very clearly that I have other love interests. He's pretty cool and I have learned to like to be around him. I actually look forward to hanging out to see what kind of debate we will get into but then again, its hard to figure out what he's thinking...so I keep my distance.]
My mom always told me there is a fine line between love and hate. I always told her she was crazy. Well just the other night I was laying on my bed thinking and texting my best friend. I guess I was having one of those down moods. Anyways, she was telling me a few things to get me to think logically so she decided to come to my house so we could draft my "Perfect Guy List" (which I am thinking of making a blog of its own). With all that in mind I had to explain to her that I had a life realization. Its one of those BAM! moments that hit you like a brick falling from the sky out of nowhere. All I could think of was to get up and write this blog. Except this blog has taken me months to publish. And I mean months. As I had stated in another blog, the older I get, the harder it is for me to write because I am simply too busy or too tired. I know I have not been keeping up and trust me, I want to. Today when I logged on I realized that ever since I posted my blog link on my bio of my Instagram account, I have a ton more views. No longer is "no one" reading my blog... Which is why I really have to think extremely thoroughly what I am going to publish. Which is why this blog took months. So without further ado, here is my realization.
When you love someone you want to be with them all the time. You say gushy mushy stuff and talk on the phone and text. You also make promises to each other. Of course sometimes you get mad but in the end its all about compromise. Love is a lot of things but before it happens, one must realize that the person you love has the potential possibility to not disappoint you.
LET ME EXPLAIN BECAUSE I KNOW A LOT OF YOU ARE DISAGREEING!!!
People naturally expect people that they feel close to will never do or say anything to let them down. Technically this is not true all the time because we are all imperfect and make mistakes. Also, friends disagree sometimes, but I am not talking about imperfection and disagreement. I am simply stating that someone that you trust is not going to break your trust or hurt you. Simple. Of course, you can't go around trusting everyone in hope that they will keep your secrets. It takes time for a person to reach that relationship level with someone, and not just time, but actions. Actions define people more than words so when someone proves to you through actions that they deserve your trust and friendship then you move on to the next level. How close and how open you decide to be has nothing to do with this. Human behavior throughout history has proven that we are social creatures that like to be around other humans. We were created to have companions in our lives. So where does hate come into all of this?
Someone you hate will never disappoint you.
BAM!!! *brick to the head*
Love and hate are the same because someone you love is unlikely to disappoint you and someone you hate is unlikely to disappoint you. The two most powerful emotions in this world are basically the same thing. Amazing right?
Hating someone takes a lot of effort and thinking. It almost takes as much effort as loving someone. You have to think about it for a long time before you can honestly say that you hate something or someone (hate is a strong word and technically we shouldn't hate anyone...but strongly disliking someone is really what I mean). Having realized this and being able to finally word it in the most complicated of terms (because my goal is to confuse you enough so that at the end of this reading you will forget and not bring it up to me in person), I have come to the conclusion that if I like someone that I hate, its ok. In fact, its probably better because I won't expect anything out of the other person. I am kidding. No I am not. Actually I don't know.
Everyone around me is getting married or engaged or simply dating. I am talking about the people who I grew up with. People I used to play with as a child. I see this as a sign of me aging but I still don't want to fall into the dating culture. I will date when I freaking please it because I have better and more important things to do. Currently I am working on getting my B.A. in English with a Secondary Education certification so I can teach the children no one else wants to teach: pubescent kids. Also, I am a pioneer in training (YAY!!!) because I truly and honestly believe that I have the best congregation in the world and its been a year since I moved there ( it is actually December 17th 2013...remember I started typing this months ago so the date might be different). Lastly, I have not been to Paris yet. I must go to Paris before this world ends.
Well, that is my opinion and that is why I am writing this. A lot of things make sense in my head and only in my head. Dear reader, if you are reading this its because you are curious as to what I have to ramble about, or you are bored. Perhaps there is a 1% chance that you actually enjoy this nonsense even if it makes no sense or if I whine a lot (which I am aware that I do often) and if you do, I thank you from the bottom of my crazy heart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)