Not that I didn't know that already...but that's irrelevant.
So I was laying on the couch today watching one of my favorite shows when all of a sudden my sister tells me that one of our guy friends texted her asking her if we had had lunch yet. She replied no and then she tells me that he asked if she had gotten her burger (which she had been craving for a while) to which she replied no. Now, let it be noted that two days ago, I made him feel guilty for a certain thing and I told him he could make it up by taking us out to eat. Knowing how stingy he is, I figured he would say no and forget about it, but turns out that he actually invited us to eat. Pretty nice gesture of the guy.
He's sweet.
So there we were, the three of us, eating our burgers with our load of fries talking like the old friends we are when all of a sudden I bring up something that I was not aware that he was unaware of. Until of course I saw his reaction and I immediately said some profane stuff in my head. Big mistake. Before I knew it, he was laughing and making fun of me. Here is the situation (and a life realization I had a few nights ago)
I met this one guy we are going to call bunny. One day we were out in service and he started to talk about a recent natural disaster . He had this sad look on his face, almost like if he could see it in front of him but far away. Me being the childish person I used to be decided to say that in our town nothing exciting ever happened. "Not even a flood" I said. My mistake because he got so offended. It took me several years to admit that it was very imprudent of me to say that, but, ever since that moment something has bothered me. And I mean that to the very hardcore definition of the word. Not only that but it got a lot worse when all the girls started to have a crush on him. Too bad for all of them because I was the first girl he asked out to dance. Ever since that bloody day my mother has made it her goal to remind me every single day that I should look at guys like him as a dating prospect... More fuel for my loath!!! Then came my grandma and my aunts and they all agreed and pestered me with the idea!!! Then came two older (and married) friends who tease me every time they can on the matter!!! I don't understand why...but I can't stand the dude to save his life. I know its not his fault, he's never done anything to me except be nice. Honestly I appreciate him more than I'll ever admit but that's not the point.
[ I take that back...I can stand the dude. It just drives me nuts that so many people tease me when they know very clearly that I have other love interests. He's pretty cool and I have learned to like to be around him. I actually look forward to hanging out to see what kind of debate we will get into but then again, its hard to figure out what he's thinking...so I keep my distance.]
My mom always told me there is a fine line between love and hate. I always told her she was crazy. Well just the other night I was laying on my bed thinking and texting my best friend. I guess I was having one of those down moods. Anyways, she was telling me a few things to get me to think logically so she decided to come to my house so we could draft my "Perfect Guy List" (which I am thinking of making a blog of its own). With all that in mind I had to explain to her that I had a life realization. Its one of those BAM! moments that hit you like a brick falling from the sky out of nowhere. All I could think of was to get up and write this blog. Except this blog has taken me months to publish. And I mean months. As I had stated in another blog, the older I get, the harder it is for me to write because I am simply too busy or too tired. I know I have not been keeping up and trust me, I want to. Today when I logged on I realized that ever since I posted my blog link on my bio of my Instagram account, I have a ton more views. No longer is "no one" reading my blog... Which is why I really have to think extremely thoroughly what I am going to publish. Which is why this blog took months. So without further ado, here is my realization.
When you love someone you want to be with them all the time. You say gushy mushy stuff and talk on the phone and text. You also make promises to each other. Of course sometimes you get mad but in the end its all about compromise. Love is a lot of things but before it happens, one must realize that the person you love has the potential possibility to not disappoint you.
LET ME EXPLAIN BECAUSE I KNOW A LOT OF YOU ARE DISAGREEING!!!
People naturally expect people that they feel close to will never do or say anything to let them down. Technically this is not true all the time because we are all imperfect and make mistakes. Also, friends disagree sometimes, but I am not talking about imperfection and disagreement. I am simply stating that someone that you trust is not going to break your trust or hurt you. Simple. Of course, you can't go around trusting everyone in hope that they will keep your secrets. It takes time for a person to reach that relationship level with someone, and not just time, but actions. Actions define people more than words so when someone proves to you through actions that they deserve your trust and friendship then you move on to the next level. How close and how open you decide to be has nothing to do with this. Human behavior throughout history has proven that we are social creatures that like to be around other humans. We were created to have companions in our lives. So where does hate come into all of this?
Someone you hate will never disappoint you.
BAM!!! *brick to the head*
Love and hate are the same because someone you love is unlikely to disappoint you and someone you hate is unlikely to disappoint you. The two most powerful emotions in this world are basically the same thing. Amazing right?
Hating someone takes a lot of effort and thinking. It almost takes as much effort as loving someone. You have to think about it for a long time before you can honestly say that you hate something or someone (hate is a strong word and technically we shouldn't hate anyone...but strongly disliking someone is really what I mean). Having realized this and being able to finally word it in the most complicated of terms (because my goal is to confuse you enough so that at the end of this reading you will forget and not bring it up to me in person), I have come to the conclusion that if I like someone that I hate, its ok. In fact, its probably better because I won't expect anything out of the other person. I am kidding. No I am not. Actually I don't know.
Everyone around me is getting married or engaged or simply dating. I am talking about the people who I grew up with. People I used to play with as a child. I see this as a sign of me aging but I still don't want to fall into the dating culture. I will date when I freaking please it because I have better and more important things to do. Currently I am working on getting my B.A. in English with a Secondary Education certification so I can teach the children no one else wants to teach: pubescent kids. Also, I am a pioneer in training (YAY!!!) because I truly and honestly believe that I have the best congregation in the world and its been a year since I moved there ( it is actually December 17th 2013...remember I started typing this months ago so the date might be different). Lastly, I have not been to Paris yet. I must go to Paris before this world ends.
Well, that is my opinion and that is why I am writing this. A lot of things make sense in my head and only in my head. Dear reader, if you are reading this its because you are curious as to what I have to ramble about, or you are bored. Perhaps there is a 1% chance that you actually enjoy this nonsense even if it makes no sense or if I whine a lot (which I am aware that I do often) and if you do, I thank you from the bottom of my crazy heart.
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